Should we tell our parents?

Question

My boyfriend and I are childfree.... that means we do not ever want children. We have talked about him getting a vasectomy as it is easier, safer and cheaper than me getting a tubal and has a much quicker recovery time. He is fine with this.
My question is do you guys thinks we should have to tell our parents what we have done? Bear in mind we live together, not with our parents but they have started on about grandchildren.

Proper answers would be nice. No "you'll change your mind" crap from breeders please. Thanks.

We have been together for over 2 years. We don't particualrly believe in marriage.

26 is not too younjg to be thinking about such things. You would not be saying the same if I was discussing having a child.

Both sets of parents know we don't want children. Mine aren't too bad with it as they have known I have felt strongly about pretty much since I started to talk. Plus my sister wants kids anyway.
My partner's parents are not so understanding. They have even started to demand grandchildren. They don't even live anywhere near us.

amsu06.... that is very offensive. Our relationship is very serious. We are BOTH content with not adding children to it. Would you suggest that infertile couples are not in serious relationship too?

We are hesitant in telling them about our decision because I know for a fact they will think I coerced him into it and I am not. I do not want to ruin the relationship I have with his parents.

Now a few people have said it.... our relationship is no less serious than a couples who have decided to have children. That is very twisted logic. Neither of us want or like kids. That does not mean our relationship is just casual.

Answer 1

No breeder crap from me!

You didn't say your age here, but if you are two adults then no! I don't think it's your responsibility to tell your parents unless you want to. It's your life. You might want to tell them that you've decided that your ideal future doesn't include children, but I don't think it's any of their business if one of you get the procedure done. Eventually they'll get tired of the 'grandparents' lectures.

Answer 2

Thinking of children is a choice from the parents. The grandparents made their choices when they were young. And off course most parents wouldlove to have grandchildren, if not for the only reason to spoil them or meke themselves feel young again. It is a decision of the two of you, not your or his parents.

Their are some ways out by telling a "white lie" but I don't think that is the best way. Best way is probably telling them that your hubby had the works shut off because of the choice YOU TWO made. You are responsible adults and the choice for children should be a responsible one.

If I was in the same situation I would tell them. Next thing they would tell you what kind of car to buy or demand that you buy a pet.

Maybe Dr. Phill has a nice way of telling the parents?

Answer 3

Well I don't think most doctors will do such a procedure unless you of a certain age, or have X number of children. And I hate to tell you this but there is a chance you will change your mind, I'm not saying you will but you could, and once this procedure is done there is no going back. And I think that's why most doctors wont do the procedure until a certain age or so many children because you may change your mind and then come back after them and sue them.

Answer 4

I am 26 years old, married for 6 years, and cheerfully childfree.

Anyway, when the parents on both sides started asking about the whole "children" thing, we dealt with it by sidestepping the issue for a while, but it only got worse. When we finally told them - they were upset, but fortunately they got over it. I feel relieved that they know and the small amount of drama I had to deal with from them was worth the absolute wonderfulness of not having to hear "SO WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HAVE GRANDCHILDREN!?!"

Answer 5

You don't have to tell them about the vasectomy, but you should tell them you aren't planning to have any kids. They'll bother you about it at first and try to convince other wise but eventually they will realize this is what you both want and leave it alone. If you don't tell them they'll keep at it.
At some point your partner will have to stand up to his parents and tell them that they have no right to demand he have kids.
Please think about whether your decision for a vasectomy comes from his parents nagging. Are you doing it as a way to make them stop because afterward there is nothing they can do? Important life decisions shouldn't be influenced by revenge.

Answer 6

It really is a personal decision between you and him, and therefore you should not feel any obligation to tell your parents, however, it would be the nice thing to do. Sit them down, discuss with them that you and your significant other have discussed things, and you're not interested in having children. Tell them the reasons that have brought you to this decision, and explain that it's not something you're waffling on, but something you are sure about. They'll probably be dissappointed, but at least you're not keeping their hopes up about one day having grand children. Again, if you choose not to, that is your right. There is no reason they NEED to know, it's just a nicety that I would personally consider in the best interests of both myself and them, because in the process of informing them, you are also taking off that pressure that I'm sure they are probably putting on you.

Cheers.

Answer 7

You are obviously content with your decision so why not tell them? I would suggest to you that the only reason you haven't told them yet is that you are afraid of their reaction to your news. If you are afraid what your parents might say then maybe you arent old enough to be making such a life decision. Of course you could always change your mind later and have kids...but for your bf it would be fair less chance even with a top notch surgeon doing a reversal. Seems to me maybe you arent 100% confident in your decision hence your hesitation in telling your parents your life defining news.....think about that.

Answer 8

I think you should tell your parents, because it's important and normal to let them know what you have chosen. When you both agree on this (not to have children + vasectomy), then the right thing to do is to let them know even if this will hurt them. This is a big decision that you've made and if you really thought it over closely, then it's your life and no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. That's my opinion, now you choose if you'll take my advice or not. Good luck! :)

Answer 9

I think you should do whatever you want. Dont let anyone influence your decision. They are not going to raise the children you have, you will have to.You are an adult and old enough to know what you want.You can also reverse a vasectomy, so its no big deal. I feel the same way, i dont ever want children, not because I dont like them , its just I dont want to raise kids in this world we live in.If I were you, I would tell them thats my decison and thats final and no-one is going to change my mind and they shouldnt even think about changing it.You are adults, it's your life, not theirs.

Answer 10

I think you should. They are waiting for a grandchild. I think your relationship is not serious, thats why you decided not to have children, because they might be a burden to you. You should tell your parents about your decision. Its old people wish. You should give value to them. There are other ways of not having kids rather than going for permanent surgery. You can easily carry on your live-in relation as now without any problem. And by the way this is thinking of most of your well wishers.

Answer 11

Heh breeders~ Nice.

Well, here's what I think. You're not obligated to tell them, and it's certainly none of their buisness if you get your boy snipped. It's your relationship after all. However, I think perhaps you should run it by them out of curetesy. If they didn't care about kids, then I'd say, oh well none of their buisness period. But it's kind of cruel to leave them hopeful and waiting. You should perhaps, tell them, two at a time over dinner maybe? Or one on one so you can have a 'heart-to-heart' talk about it. It wont be up for discussion of course, it'd just be a polite notification on a choice you and your boy have made in your relationship.

Peace Out~