what will i do?

Question

My ex-wife left me with another man and left me our two children after four years, I've met a woman and I really love her, she is the one I’ve been asking for from up above, we got along very well, I think she is perfect to me and I will do everything for her, we're married for a year now, I wanted a life for both of us but I have a daughter who is living with us and I know its unfair for her since she was brought up with love and peaceful like family and now she is living with us which my daughter is disrespectful to me, I always let my daughter get away with the things she does because I don't want an argument, she is just like a split of her mother , she is being mouthful to me and never appreciate the things I have done for her, instead she always praise her mother. I haven't done wrong I know it, and now my wife told me about how she feels about living with my daughter, she said she couldn't take it anymore how my daughter treats her in a funny way, I promised my wife that we will move to another house and start our own life but now I don’t know how to tell my daughter that she is not moving with us, because if I told her I know its going to be a big trouble, but my wife said if my daughter is moving with us, she will put her foot down this time and if my daughter scatter her things she will throw it even if it is important because she is not having it anymore to be treated like a maid or else she better be pad off it, I feel for my wife, I know she had been patient enough its just that If I tell my daughter to move with her mother which I slightly did, she didn’t like the idea even if she always praise her mother she doesn’t want to live with her, but I don’t want to tell her the real reason because she will be mouthful to me and I don’t want it, I don’t like argument, what will I do?

my daughter is 18 years old.

Answer 1

This situation is hard - families used to different things and beliefs, ways, etc - of course you will clash but I think the only way to mend this is through family counseling - with a neutral party who will help you all work this out in a positive and healthy way and will also be there to mediate - take the whole family and I am sure things will improve. Good luck- that must be hard. Try to call around your area and find a family therapist or clinic if money is a problem at all. Take care~

Answer 2

now you said 2 kids, right? how does the other child treat the two of you. And how old is your daughter?? I say to put your foot down you are the parent and if she doesn't like that then she can move back home with her mom. Maybe she wants more attention from you on a one on one basis. But don't let her rule the house. If she doesn't respect you and your wife then send her to her moms whether she likes it or not. You and your wife both need to set down some rules and punishments if they are broken and stick to it. It will be a battle at first but when your daughter sees that you stick by what you say then maybe she will straighten her act up. You also might want to try to get her into a counsler to talk about what is bugging her to make her act this way. But I don't think just leaving her behind is the answer. It will just make her feel abandoned by you like she probably feels that her mom did to her. Good luck

Answer 3

Sorry but your daughter has an attitude problem. Considering your ex-wife left you.....so you are definitely divorced already since youre already married for a year now. Back to your daughter since she had experience traumatic situation but that was not a guarrantee for her to behave like that. A heart to heart talk is a must, together with your ex-wife, and try to patch up things. It will not be easy........but a most important thing for you do now is to pray and ask God's guidance. Somehow people try to solve their problems on their on capacity. I don't know what belief are you in and if you really believe in the existence of God such scenario should not happen. But thats already things in the past, still I recommend prayer as the most powerful tool to make all things beautiful. Hatred should be taken away from your daughter heart and mind. At her age 18, she must be matured enough to understand the situation. Just hoping that your current wife is really trying her best to win her. It may not be easy, i'm just wondering, if you and your wife honestly doing the best you can something should had happen. Take time also to reflect on yourself maybe there is something wrong. God bless!

Answer 4

No wonder your daughter does not want to live with her mother. Why should she leave a house where she is so clearly in charge?
You are afraid to stand up to her and your poor wife is not getting the support she needs from you. You know if you were able to be assertive and lay down the ground rules for your daughter, in such a way as she knows you mean business, there would be no need for her to leave your home.
You will not solve this by running away to another house. Set the rules , make them specific, respect her step mum, yourself, keep the place tidy........ it's not a lot to ask. If she is unable to accept your rules then of course she should move out. I think the problem lies in your inability to assert yourself....... is this something you can change? It sounds like you are accepting your daughter's behaviour because you would give anything for a quiet life.............. but you're not getting a quiet life...... are you?Have you tried sitting down as a family and talking about this?

Answer 5

After reading all the the answers to your question, I see that there is allot of excellent answers. You sound like some I know and that is me, I hate to get into family arguments. If I have my choose I would go out for a hike until things cool down, so the only thing I could recommend is, since your daughter is 18 yrs. of age and considered a adult she SHOULD be out and gone from the family. If you allow her to still reside in your new family then she is not your primary concern now. Your new wife should BE your number 1. Bluntly, KICK out your doughtier since she is of age and tell her to go live with her mother. In fact, pack up all of her luggage and put it outside one day while she is gone some where and have all the exterior door lock changed or re keyed. Leave a note on her luggage stating, "I love you and I wish you well". Now, You and your new wife go and enjoy your lives, because you and your new wife don't need that kind of an angry person or child in your new family. She is part of the old family. Your daughter has to grow up on her own now. You have already raised her and have had to put up with her grief and disrespect long enough, its TIME for her to GO. Now enjoy your new wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK....

Answer 6

It's time you acted like a man. If it is your daughter's fault, lay it on the line. You seem to support your wife in every way. Have you listened to your daughter? Does she have any points to make? Why don't you try mediation?
Stop burying your head in the sand. Your daughter didn't ask for the life you've given her. You chose a bad first wife. Take the responsibility of having a smooth running life and do something! Maybe your wife is right and the daughter is a pain. Well, deal with it. I'm sorry but this is your own fault for burying your head in the sand. Resentments grow. It should have been dealt with ago before it got to this stage. How will you feel telling your daughter to leave your house? I think that's dreadful.

Answer 7

if your daughter is old enough she can live on her own, if not, she should go with her mother. If you love your wife so much, and seems as if she did her best to be a good wife to you and has accepted you with your daughter, you should just pack her things and send your daughter away.

Her mother has already did her best once to ruin your life, while let the daughter now do it same and repeat what her mother did?

Your wife tried to be a 'mother' to her but your daughter does not want to. Yes, why should your wife be her maid??

Send the daughter away as soon as possible and start a new life with this woman.

Answer 8

this is called tough love. you need to be honest with your daughter, assure her you love her, but state that her behaviour is no longer acceptable. you have always supported her and will continue to do so.. what ever her natural mum is saying to her you cant change; just reiterate that you are glad she is in touch with her mum, perhaps if things are so good there she may wish to stay there a while.. alternatively you are now in another relationship, she is still part of your family, but to continue to live with you - she has to respect your choices and your partner.. otherwise it may be time for her to try it on her own.. i have an 19 yr old, she has a step dad, some times its hard, but i don't pick up after her as you put it, may be you and your wife need to ignore her mess, collect it up and dump it in her room, and let her deal with her own washing etc.. put in some boundaries, just say i wont argue, but i wont accept this any more.. give her the opportunity to talk with you about how she is feeling, then exchange views and how you feel. tough love bears fruits of respect in the long run.. good luck.

Answer 9

Your daughter needs to move out. It will be best for everyone. she is old enough. Give her six months to find a job and a place to live and then she should go. If she won't live by your rules and treat you with respect then she must leave and make her own way in the world.

Answer 10

I wonder if she is the same little madam as earlier today. Tell your daughter to stop. Then tell her that if she won't she should go live with her mother. You don't have to put up with her nonsense, she is old enough to understand this.