my 12 yr old son and i are always battling, help!!!?

Question

he has gone from being the light of my life, to a rude, mouthy nite mare. any advice????

any ideas about how to deal with his mouthing back in public?

you can't spank a 12 year old. i want him to be a good man one day, not an abusive woman hater!

thanks for all this amazing advice...so good to know there are so many loving parents and kids out there!

Answer 1

grit your teeth, it's going to last for about 6 years or so.... Be patient and firm and hopefully at the end of it you might have somebody you are proud of

Answer 2

I should think everyone goes through this. Cold comfort I know but all will get better. The problem however seems to be getting worse for the younger parents of today than say 20 years ago and older than that. I guess the issues are less about parenting at home more what our children see and get involved with. TV is a main culprit of 'teaching' bad behaviour . Take a look at some of the American TV imports and you can see why our kids try to aspire to what they see. However a liberal 'politically correct' society has done nothing to help. Schools have no dicipline, there is NO incentive for kids to do well. Youth clubs are a thing of the past. I would suggest one more time trying to talk to the child, share the love and feelings without going over the top. Find statistics which shock .. like how many children are sent to Borstal or put on probation or have a community order placed on them and then ask them who will have the better future. Do it well and it will sink in. Being rude or being 'mouthy' (I hope no swearing) is him finding his own ground. If he uses foul language then I suggest teaching him English as you can insult far more people with English than you can by swearing. Best of luck and dont get too downhearted.

Answer 3

Let him have the last word! Tell him what you expect him to do and then walk away. If he doesn't do what he is supposed to do then you must deal out a consequence (no TV, no cellphone, no video games, no guests, no mall visits -- pic one -- whatever).

But the most important thing is not to answer back after you have told him what you expect him to do. You are the boss. You are in charge. You have the final word. Say it and walk away and let him say whatever he wants after you leave the room. It doesn't matter how hurtful it sounds because he's not really talking to you anymore, he's talking to himself.

This worked my my two daughters at the same age. Stick with it and don't
forget that consequences don't have to happen right away. One of my daughters was supposed to come home directly from school for a dentist appointment. She didn't. She missed the dentist appointment. I had to pay for the dentist appointment. The next week she asked for $$ to go to the movies and I told her then that the consequence of her missing the dentist appointment was that she was receiving no $$ for the movie that day.

O happy day, she paid attention and respected what I said from that point forward. She's going off to college in 3 weeks and still understands the point of consequences not exxpecting it to happen exactly when the disrespect occurs.

Stick with it and don't re-engage him in conversation. If there's a Dad in the house he has to follow this program too otherwise it won't work.

Answer 4

Don't listen to the mean people who are so ready to answer a question like yours, first, love the kid. Second, do as much as you can for the kid, but always remember that the kid is depending on you to identify the bonders for them. If getting pregneant is the bottom line, then get a box of rubbers for him or her. Let them know that the overwhillming feelings will pass but that they can come back in a better form if you give them a chance. Let them know all the time that you are proud of them if they are doing some good thing and that you love them unconditionally. That way then can wait another day.

Answer 5

My Advice is this.

Stand your ground on all battles. If you say something must be done 'this' way then that is how it gets done.

If he doesnt do as you say then tell him the consequenses, grounding etc, and STICK TO IT. NO REPRIEVES. Even if he says sorry after, tell him thank you but the punishment sticks.

He is 12. He is in NO position to DEMAND anything. He must talk to you in a polite mannor at ALL times. If not punishment ensues.

Give him chores. They teach responsability. He should be seeing that he needs those by now.

Find his crutch. If the one thing he cant live without is his mobile/games console/chocolate/football then those are your punishments. Take them away.

AND NEVER LET HIM GO OUT OF THE HOUSE AFTER AN AREGUEMENT. This is where his friends will tell him how horrid you are.

Finally good luck. He'll thank you in the long run if you stick to your guns.

Email me if you want to talk....

Answer 6

You aren't the lone ranger...that's for sure....He's going through that wonderful age in puberty...It broke my heart the first time one of my boys told me they hated me.....Don't allow him to bad mouth you or call you names. If my son was rude he wouldn't get that special game he wanted or I took away his cell phone or the computer or whatever he likes the most, if I had any problems out of him......Lot's of patience and don't let him know that he is getting to you.......I learned that the more I told my son not to do something the more he did do it so try reverse physcology also...that works wonders....Just let him know that with his new attitude Mom can have a new attitude too...Let him know who's boss. My boys are 19 and 22. My 19 year old still has an attitude but he knows the limits now so he has gotten better.

Answer 7

My daughter and I also had this problem. I had to do some introspection myself... As I'm sure you feel, I felt she wasn't telling me some things that were effecting her attitude. then I realized that I was fighting back with her. It was hard but once I figured that out I knew that I had to let her know when a fight started that it was OVER when I said it was... No more back and forth, and no more explaining to her why I make the decisions I make for her and myself...
It's a hard time for kids and they are in the most important and lasting formation period of their life. things are changing all around them and they need a stern, caring, sensitive parent.
You may not feel like it right now, but even though he might SEEM to care more about his friends, he does LOVE you more than life. And your strength will carry him through it ALL.

Answer 8

If you want to change someone else's behaviour the first person's behaviour you have to change is your own.
here's a few tips: Ignore bad behaviour it's attention seeking although if you do the behaviour will get worse before it starts to get better.

Reward good behaviour too often parents ignore the child that's behaving itself and pay attention to the one that isn't. Kids pick up on this and it can become a deadly spiral as the stakes get higher.

He is training you how to respond to him instead of you training him how to respond to you.

A quiet and patient voice works better than shouts, threats and screams.

Answer 9

You have to take charge of the situation. A 12 year old is in the beginning stage of being rebellious - and things could get worse unless you take charge. This is not uncommon - but you must be in control of the situation or you will lose control completely. You have to make some hard decisions and stick to them. Good luck.

Answer 10

Bad luck, you have hit the proverbial bad patch, it does pass. i would say choose your battle. try and let the the niggly little things go and concentrate on the big important issues to fight over. The more rows over trivia the less effective you become when dealing with things that really matter like, personal safety, keeping tabs on his whereabouts and what company he keeps. Be firm about the important boundaries and ignore the rest. take yourself out of the situation don't stay and argue the toss, leave him alone and he has no one to fight with. Good luck.

Answer 11

no no no dont let him get away with it. spank him, punish him, slap him, wutever it takes. im an 18 yr old male, my mom has always disciplined me and i am not disrespectful, rude, or mouthy to any of my family, or even strangers. i know how to treat people (especially women) with respect, and i owe that all to my mom. yea she whipped me, i learned my lesson too. if i did somethin wrong and wasnt punished, i would prolly do it again. but since she punished me, i knew better. believe me, this will work. u dont want ur son to grow up without authority, get on drugs, get arrested, blah blah blah just like a lot of my friends.