I am 28 years old. I met this girl, 23 year old, three months ago and have grown in love with her in time. I have invited her a couple of times to have some coffee or eat lunch on three ocassions, only the first time she accepted. After two times of having my invitation cancelled (she had accepted both times) I decided not to pursue and called her to wish her the best in life and good-bye, a week later she left me a message at work to call her back and so I did. She revealed to me she's been a widow for six months and was afraid of entering a relationship but she wanted to continue seeing me. I have not revealed my feelings for her but I think I need to before this goes forward and grow deeper that will hurt even more. Should I?
Thanks in advance
2006-08-06 19:54:00 · 15 answers · asked by scherzo_for_motorcycle_orchestra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If the answer is yes, please help me in what should I be like with her, any advice so I can make her feel more positive will be helpful, thanks.
2006-08-06 20:03:25 · update #1
I wanted to add that I do not want to appear as if I'm taking advantage of her because that is not the case, but sometimes some people can perceive intentions that are not accurate.
2006-08-06 20:05:39 · update #2
She had been married for a year and he died of cancer. He was 32 and she was 22 during their marriage.
2006-08-06 20:07:57 · update #3
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE POSITIVE INPUT, IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES, REALLY
2006-08-06 20:17:48 · update #4
Even though materialistic things are unimportant after such a hard loss, just as additional information she told me she had a house, car, everything everyone wants to begin a full life and begin a family. She lost everything when his family took it away. But I guess the loss that hurts the most is that you had everything you wanted for and you couldn't even begin it. I'm so sad when I think of it, which has been a lot in these last couple of days since she told me.
2006-08-06 20:23:26 · update #5
She may not be ready for something like that with it being only 6 months ago. I would first discuss less serious things first like how happy you are around her or how you want to spend more time with her. See how she reacts to that and if she reacts well maybe you should go for it.
If she seems to be uncomfortable I would wait. You will have to decide if it is worth the risk of getting hurt. No pain, no gain.
She probably is having a hard time understanding her own feelings. Be as understanding as you can.
2006-08-06 19:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by sissyfyia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, and I feel for her. She has suffered a great loss. It will take time for her heart to heal. I think perhaps being there as a friend would be the best idea. You are risking getting hurt, unless you go into this realizing that it may never work out for the two of you romantically. I wouldn't confuse her right now by telling her you love her. You don't have to say it to show it. Give her lots of attention. Let her share her feelings. Hold her and comfort her. She will see how much you care for her. She will appreciate your kindness and support. True love begins as friendship anyway. It takes root and grows over time. Be there for her. Love her as much as you can. Know that this may not work out, but relationships are worth the risk. If you truly have these deep feelings for her. Go for it. Over time she may feel the same for you, but only when she's ready and is ready to truly let go of her past and move forward. Become her best friend. Then one day when the time is right, you can tell her that you love her, when you know she is ready to hear it, and hopefully she will return that love to you. Good luck. You seem like a sensitive, mature, loving man. God Bless.
2006-08-07 03:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by sleepless in the ATL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The girl is 23 and a widow. I think right there you can see the girl has issues. Do you know how her husband died? Either way, she's still dealing with his death and may not be ready to move into something serious this quickly.
I think you should tell her that you have strong feelings for her and are willing to take your time and develop a relationship slowly. That is, if you are. Don't rush her, that is rude and selfish and will only push her away.
2006-08-07 02:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by wldntulike_2know 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait for the big L word, but let her know that you really like her and that you would like to see the relationship develop into something more meaningful ask her if she is ready for something like that or if she still needs time. Realize that she is very vunerable right now and she probably lost her husband suddenly considering the age. That is something that can be very hard to deal with emotionally and psychologically, you need to make sure that you are willing to make the commitment of helping her through the pain of losing someone she loved very deeply at one time. I wish you to the best of luck!
2006-08-07 03:09:05 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, I think you have handled everything beautiflly so far. I wouldent say I love you, not yet. Get to know her a little more and her life before you. She is probably afriad of embarking on a new relationship as she may fear of "betraying" her late partner. ive her time and just be as consistant as you can be. Show her that your not a flash in the pan. I really think this is worth it and I wish you the best of luck. I really think the situation has so much potential. xxxxxxxxx
2006-08-07 03:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont rush her up, give her enough time to mourn for the lost loved one. you can be freind to her at the moment to minimize the hurt and lost feelings. plus consider those malicious minds around you, the insult and words shell hear from them would add up to the pain shes having right now. timing is a good aspect in life that we should take into consideration sometimes.
goodluck
2006-08-07 03:13:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be completely wrong, but I believe what this person needs right now is a friend. A friend who has no expectations, demands, needs of their own, hidden agenda, etc. If you can be that for her for now, maybe love will grow out of that and the time will present itself for you to declare your feelings. But I think you'd first have to be willing to just want to be there as the friend until she has reached a healtheir place, a place that is a much better launching pad for a relationship.
2006-08-07 02:58:16 · answer #7 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell her, you will know when the moment is right.....but also make sure you tell her you will give her all the time she needs, and you will be waiting for her, if she will let you. ..be real don't try to take over her feelings to make her forget about it.....she needs you for support not someone promising to take her pain away b/c u can never do that.....trust me i lost my boyfriend/childhood friend in a accident, my dad died of cancer and my brother died just over a year ago......she just needs to know your there and she can count on you.......be her best friend in til she truly can trust to love again
2006-08-07 03:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by Do I know you? ya right LoL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her, first be a very good friend to her. She needs time to get over her earlier partner's death. She is young and she needs someone to talk to and understand what she is going thru. I am sure if you are a good friend to her, things will work out.
2006-08-07 03:00:23 · answer #9 · answered by Gopes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only 6 months? Give her some time. Go very very slowly, no I love yous yet but if you really do you'll stick it out and be very patient
2006-08-07 02:59:05 · answer #10 · answered by pixi_doll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋