Need help with me and my dad?

Question

No, my dad dosen't hit me or anything.

Well, here is the story. We loved each other, and still love each other but, until about 11 years old, we just can agree on anything and we always seem to get into arguements. He's a good guy, takes the family fishing and all that. But he also like, tells me stuff and gives me a hard time about one tiny little subject and he just says "Im not giving you a hard time......" etc. and repeats stuff over an over!

He says the same thing Over nd Over! And just because im on the computer for a little while (3 hrs max...is that THAT bad?) and when I finnaly try to stand up or tell him the truth, he says im getting a different type of atitude from the computer and that he will limit computer use to 5 mins.? WTF?!?!?

What I need you help with is, how can I tell him that I want us to see a councelour, without hurting his fellings? Also any other help would be nice.

Thank you.

It's not just because of the computer, it's every single subject in life that we can't agree upon.

I also need to be on the computer alot because I have a small partnership business running

Answer 1

Tha't s a father-son scenario that's played out in millions of different households every day. Fathers and sons have a more volitile relationship than mothers and sons.When sons reach their teens, fathers see them as growing up "entirely too fast". They are afraid they have so little time left to impart their own special "wisdom", that they take every opportunity to "teach a lesson". Usually it comes out as "griping" and lecturing. Or maybe even demanding. He sees you are growing up, and he knows he will be loosing control soon. He wants to keep that control as long as possible. I don't think your different attitude comes so much from the computer as from the fact that you are growing up.
If it wasn't the computer, you'd be butting heads over something else. It's natural. You see it all the time in nature.....when young male lions reach a certain age, the leader of the Pride (father lion) starts to "turn" on him, always "challenging" him. This seems to be some unconsious attempt to prepare the young lion to rebel and seek his own way.
My husband and our son fought like the proverbial cat & dog from the time our son reached his teens. It was a struggle the whole time until he graduated high school and joined the Air Force. Things have now settled back to the great father/son relationship they had when he was smaller.
If your dad doesn't want to see a counselor, he's not going to.....it's a male thing. But I think a good counselor would tell you to both "ride it out", be flexible, and as agreeable as possible. This is just a rough patch in your relationship, and it will pass.

Answer 2

You might not believe this, but it's really hard to be a parent. It's hard to do the right thing or to know what the right thing even is. Your father is probably trying to keep you sane and normal and social. Maybe he thinks that you can't do that with the amount of time you spend on the computer. Remember that when he was growing up there were no computers or internet or computer games or even dvr. It's probably hard for him to understand why you want to be on the comp for 3 hours when you could be forming "real" relationships with "real" people. It's a pretty hard subject to understand from his perspective because he only knows what the news (check out some of the stories they've done about myspace) and teachers say about what kids do online. Try to go with it. If it looks like you're addicted to the comp then he'll probably be less reasonable, but if you act like you can take it or leave it, then he will probably not take it as such a serious thing. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Well, if you want to see a counselor the problem must be something more than just him not letting you stay on the computer for a long time. Maybe try talking to him first and tell how you want to make some changes in the way you to talk or communicate. You are still young and that's how it is when you are young, so don't think that that is how it will always be. But maybe you should just tell him how counseling would only help things. Good luck.

Answer 4

From the sounds of it, you seem to have a rather caring father, which means counseling probably isn't necessary. Sit dad down and explain to him that you are getting older and it's a much more advanced technical world than it was when he was young. This is how kids communicate and how homework gets done. Chances are he's going to cut you some slack. As far as his "I'm not giving you a hard time" comment, honey, that's his way of trying to make light of the situation. He doesn't want to see you getting sucked into the cyber-world. There's alot of things out there that put you in harms way. It's his job to protect you and he's trying to give you the chance to make the a responsible and reasonable choice, without him having to force you to do it. If you want him to stop saying it, loose the attitude with dad and cut back on the amount of time you spend on the computer.

Answer 5

Boy this brings up times I used to try and talk with my youngest. Now he's in rehab. I did the same thing like your father...repeating the same thing over and over. It's only because we love you and don't want you to get hurt or fall into something you can't get yourself out of. His mind is probaly looking at your situation at all angles trying to see the pros as well as the cons and trying to be cool about things at the same time, when he's fearing for your life! You have to face it...your dad truly loves you and doesn't want you getting hurt. That's why he keeps on repeating himself. It's just out of his love for you. And you need to realize that...just sit back and recall some incidents of his over reacting and you will understand why. He fears for your safety.
And it probaly doesn't help when a "cyberline" commercial comes on telling him about how kids get caught up with predators in cyberspace. Try to understand that too. You need to reassure him that you will keep up on these things and watch out when you are doing what you are doing. You spend a lot of time online.
Maybe you should invite him to sit down with you and the both of you can surf together.
Have some respect for his love for you. Because he is really trying. And you don't need counseling. You need more open communication between the both of you. Even if it hurts once and a while. I hope you and your father become better friends in the days to come. He sure does love you.

Answer 6

I think that your dad is telling you things that will help you in your walk as a man.In most cases,parent repeat things because we want it to sink in to the point where when we are not around,you will remember what you were told,and by you and your dad being close you know that he would not tell you anything to hurt you.Maybe he feels as though your not listening to him and for you to hear him he needs to repeat it,more than once.I do understand how you feel,no young man wants to be told the same thing over and over again.At the same time the things he is telling are for you good,not to bug or hurt you.You won't see that now because your still young and probably want to do things your way.Dads are not alwayss right,but neither are we alway wrong.

Answer 7

I think u and ur dad rlly love eachother..... I have similar problems with my father, we just cant agree on much anymore..... anyway if u want him to see a councellor..... then i think its a good idea, Just try to talk to him when hes happy and not in a bad mood.. thats a first step.... maybe ur mom can help out!! or an older sibling..... tell him what u feel.. just b honest bout how hurt u r..... try this first..

Answer 8

He just loves you and wants the best for you,He cares.
Your lucky to have a father who cares enough to be involved in your life.
If you feel you's need to talk to a councillor then just ask him,sit him down and talk to him,how else will you know the answer if he wants to go or not.If he is strict,he probably just worries about you getting older and wants you to make right choices.

Answer 9

You should tell your dad that you feel it would be best if you talked to a therapist to straighten out some problems. (If your dad says no, than you could talk to him for awhile about what the problem is). You don't have to say that he'll go to the meetings because if you get a counciler-than they could tell him that he should get a "review" or talk about somethings...I hope this helps and I wish you good luck.

Answer 10

Be honest with him. Sit down alone and tell him you love and respect him, but want to improve communication, so suggest a family counselor. Or, find the name of a family counselor and hand it to him. Good Luck.