I have two boys who are 5 and 7. They fight all the time and make life miserable for me and my wife. My wife and I can not enjoy going out in public because they make complete asses of themselves by asking for me to buy things, fighting and just showing ungratefulness for anything. I try to remain calm and discipline them, but it seems useless. Thank God for my 1 1/2 year old daughter, she is my angel and redeems children in my eyes. But the boys never make my life easy. What can I do?
2006-08-06 16:56:27 · 14 answers · asked by Mustafa 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hmm. So you say your boys are selfish, fight all the time, and are ungrateful? It sounds to me like they are acting like ... kids. HAHA.
Ok jokes aside you and your wife are going to have to devise a plan for success. And you will both have to act like a team on this one. I say make a plan for "success" because making a "discipline" plan just operates on the presumption that you have "bad boys" and that they are going to misbehave all the time. "Discipline" and "punishment" are synonymous with soldiers and inmates. I dont like to think of 5 and 7 year olds that way and im sure you dont want your boys viewed that way either. I prefer the positivity and reward for kids.
Your plan should concentrate on rewarding the behavior that you want like sharing, helping, and being polite. Im not saying to completly ignore bad behaviors. In fact it is good to react to unwanted behaviors but the key is when and how to react. React to negative behavior when it happens- not later. Seperate the kid from the situation and label the bahavior, but dont label him. For instance, if your in the kitchen and the 5 yr old kicks his sister and makes her cry. Stop what you are doing and get down on eye level with him. Label his behavior by saying "Tyler, I saw that you kicked your sister. That is hurting others and that is wrong,show me the right way to treat your sister."
The wrong way : "Tyler why did you kick your sister? (and before he can answer) YOU are bad, YOU are mean etc.
And time outs are good too- for the parent. If you find yourself reaching your boiling point its good to either you or your wife to give yourself a break away from the kids for like 5 minutes until you cool off. Never deal with your kids out of anger or rage. You will end up going too far and your kids can tell the difference between when daddy is being firm and when daddy is mad at them.
Lastly you need to be consitent. Any psychologist will tell you that people are peculiar in that they are not so much concerned with the consequences as much as they are concerned about being caught. A child will repeat the same behavior if they know they can get away with it. But they will stop if they know that they will be caught and corrected EVERY single time they do it. And this is where the teamwork part comes in. Consistency might be the hardest part but if you and your wife support each other then you will start to find success.
hope this helps.
2006-08-06 17:50:28 · answer #1 · answered by southca49er 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well, pick the BIGGEST problem and work on it first. Use behavioral strategies, teaching moments, and stuff like that. Good discipline/management plans actually make the behavior worse in the short run because children have to test limits, but make the behavior better in the long run.
SAy that you want to control the tantrums at the store. Tell them, before you go in, that they get to pick one treat, but it has to be less than a certain amount, and if they ask for anything else, then they don't get that treat. Then stick to your guns.
My mom also helped us by letting us help her shop--we had certain things we got to pick and there were rules associated. Like, we could each pick any cereal under $2, but nothing more expensive. Or she would ask us to find the best deal on rice while she looked at the soup. We always liked being really useful, not just dragged along.
2006-08-07 00:11:28 · answer #2 · answered by Amber E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends on what your view of punishment is. I would spank them when they misbehaved, but some people do not believe in that. If this is the case, there needs to be a consequence for there bad behavior. Take something away from them, give them a time out, etc... But if that's the route you take then there should be a reward for good behavior also (Picking out the movie, choosing what you all have of dinner the next night, what desert you have, etc.... This takes longer and more consistency then a good old fashioned spanking bot can be effective over time.
Good luck
2006-08-07 00:14:44 · answer #3 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide to do, the most important thing to remember is to be consistant and do not give in to their behavior.
Try to reward them when they behave appropriately ( don't bribe) simply expect them to behave. If they are rude and disruptive, give consequences that fit their behavior. Try not to lump them together, they need individuality, be creative with consequences. Example, one may be sporty while the other likes video games. If one is whining and begging in the store, they lose a priviledge for a certain amount of time, give them choices, and if necessary give them an oppertunity to make up for their mistake. Always tell them how much you love them, even when they are naughty. Good Luck.
2006-08-07 00:08:20 · answer #4 · answered by nandijay2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, do not show favor to your daughter over the boys. It would not be fair to any of them!
I am not a parent, but I have three younger brothers so I can say just do your best and show a good example for them. Maybe try to find some good influences for them, as well!!
Just don't play favorites.
2006-08-07 00:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion before you go somewhere with them sit them down and tell them, if you act up or if you behaving your not getting a thing and then if the fight or whatever. then ask for something say no!! a really be firm don't give in! if one of them is acting right and the other on isn't, pay more attention to that one!! that is the real reason they are doing is for the attention
good luck
2006-08-07 00:13:10 · answer #6 · answered by munchkin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They must know that the more fit they throw , the more likely you are to give in to what they want.
I hate to say it, but you're probably too late. You have to teach a child proper behaviour from the very first time you take them into public. Good luck & don't give in.
It's for their own good. You have to be strong and sometimes harsh to be a parent.
2006-08-07 00:29:20 · answer #7 · answered by Cookie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
set rules and stick to them....
Let them know before hand that they are expected to behave and if they don't they will be punished - remove them from the store/restaurant and correct them at home. Don't buy them any toys unless they do listen and if they fail to listen then take away the toys they have already. Then they can earn back their toys(one at a time) by behaving in public...
2006-08-07 00:20:53 · answer #8 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when they misbehave in a public place, You or your wife take them and sit in the car till you are ready to go home. and till they learn to behave that it is what will happen every time you go somewhere. my son used to cry wanting to buy toys, that is only way could get him to stop. He got tired of having to sit in car the car with his dad while me and my daughter were in the store
2006-08-07 00:48:55 · answer #9 · answered by jingles_200 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you not believe in spanking? They are not to old to be spanked. Every time they get out of line, they get a spanking. You just have to have constancy with it. It won't happen in a week or two but it will happen, they will be good kids in the end.
2006-08-07 00:15:05 · answer #10 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋