Would you break up with someone over finding out they have a coke habit?

Question

I found someone whom I thought I really loved, and loved me back..we would talk for hours on the phone. It was a long distance relationship. Yesterday I found out that she had an occiasional cocanine usage. I am completely against drug use. She does marijuana was well, which i dont care as much about. Smokes and drinks too..which again I dont care as much about. I dont do anything like that. Anyway it was the final straw. I felt like I was punched in the stomach by the topic. I couldnt handle it. It was like she was raped and I could do nothing at all. To me drug use is insane. I lost all respect for her. Needless to say we are over and done. She said she doesnt want to be controled. I am not trying to control her. It was ending well with no fights, but now i had to block her email adress, and not talk to her because she says I am f***ed. Am I so wrong? I was going to move to her and everything, change my whole life! Im really angry and sad.

Answer 1

Be glad you found out before you changed your whole life. You know what you need in a relationship and what you can't live with. It sounds to me like you made a great decision. She isn't thinking clearly if she is that "self-medicated". You will find love again, but you'll have to get through this heartache. I'm sorry life is sucky right now. Good luck.

Answer 2

Don't you think it rather ironic that she doesn' want to be controlled... Drugs control everything a person does, maybe not at first, but if continued they will.
You have done the right thing. She is in a place and time that has no room for you, or any other practical relationship. Let her go, move on. Hopefully she will stop before it completely destroys her, if not you nor anyone, or anything will change her. Once a monkey, always a monkey.
Just goes to show that relationships that are real and meaningful take a while to grow and develop and they certainly work best when they are "close".
Good luck to you, you did the right thing and that is ALWAYS the hardest.

Answer 3

You need to get over her now! Ya'll have nothing in common. And your beliefs are like day and night. Let her go be free and have her fun and you stick to what you believe in. There are lots of girls out there that don't smoke, drink, and do drugs. How do you know that occasional coke use doest mean everyday to her. That's why I don't understand meeting someone online and falling for them, when they can be lying to you about everything. I mean they may not even be sending you their real picture. I have to know a person. Just be glad that you found out now, before moving to be with her and giving up your whole life. That would have really been bad, probably would have been back home in 2-3 days max. Look at it this way, you weren't in love with her, you were in love with who she told you she was. She mislead you and strung you along. Keep her emails blocked, she just wants to fight with you because you dumped her, lol. Now go on and meet some nice girl and be happy!! Good luck to you.

Answer 4

no. you weren't all that wrong.
smoking drinking and use of marajuana are all bad things.
I am firmly against the use of all of them.
cocane is... well... very bad.
marajuana is highly toxic and impares your ability to think for the rest of your life, even after only one use...
smoking-- it'll kill you so fast. and it's a drug. I put it in the same list as cocaine.
as for drinking, I am against that too, though not so strongly, as alcahol in moderation is actually good for you, I am however against the use of alcahol as an escape, or as a drug. so I don't mind the occasional glass of wine or a beer now and then.
but anything more. no.

any kind of illegal drug use/ abuse/ missuse is very bad and is sufficient grounds for breakup. no matter how old or serious the relationship.

however I believe in the concept of mercy so what i have to say to you as well, is you might want to help her through this, often people who use drugs have other issues which cause them to use drugs, so if you can help them with these stressors you can help to ease if not eliminate their addiction.

also, to all you people who are going to dissagree,
withdrawl, is a rather nasty thing,
and from personal experience, there is no feeling in the world which makes that experience worthwile.

I went through withdrawl after being taken off of one of my medications. I was on a very low dose so it was mild, no vomitting or headaches. but even so it felt, for around a week, like I'd never be happy again.

I issue the previous as a warning, you'll pay for drug abuse in the end. be it with your life or with your happiness.

don't do drugs.

Answer 5

First of all, it's a good thing you found out when you did. Before you moved to be closer to her etc...

In response to your question, If I was in a relationship, it would only be with someone I truly loved and felt I had a future with, so no, I wouldn't break up with them becoz of their particular choices in life.

If you truly love someone, it doesn't matter whether or not they follow the same rules as you do in life. You should be there for them no matter what becoz it's not their lifestyle you are inlove with, it is them, as a person.

As long as they are not trying to influence your decisions, then why is it not possible for a straighty & a junkie to be together? (pls dnt take personally - was not an attack)

but if you really couldn't stand it, then it wasn't true love obviously and therefore, you made the right decision!

Answer 6

The thing that comes to mind for me is the side effects of drug usage. Many times drug addicts will do things when high that they normally wouldn't...things that could very possibly expose them to diseases. I am not saying she is an addict, but how do you know??? I say get out now before it gets any harder...it is going to be hard, but at least you found out now before you invested more into it, such as before you moved. Honey move on...you sound like a great person and you deserve much better. Don't compromise your standards!!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

It really is sad. Its a very hard choice. Drug abuse brings so much out of people. With the views that you have and the feelings you had. That was the best thing you could have done. Me personally, Yes I would they are bringing you so many dangers. Dieseases, people who will kill you because they may owe money, just to name a few. It's just a bad element altogether. I have a family member thats on that stuff and its hard to see how much her life has changed its a mind-blower.

Answer 8

no you are not wrong
that's predictable behaviour from someone who has not fully grown up and thus lashed out any anyone who think's she's in error for taking drugs and thinking it's ok.
you ideally should not fee angry over the issue, if anything you should be happy you find out BEFORE you evr really got involved, if anything she did you a favor by letting you in on her dirty little secret
if you are still emtional about he issue then you too have some sort of growing up and maturing to do.. as womne like her are nothing to fret up about, shge simply is not worth it and EVERY women is replaceable in relationships.. just as is EVERY man. Long distance relationship seldom work out anyways..as you cna esily hide behind emails, phone ect..
what has me wonder is why you didn't try to find a girl locally?
you lazy..?

Answer 9

You shouldn't be angry or sad. Firstly I'm sure you were shocked because we all know what coke does to a persons life and since you were going out with her I would assume you cared about her. A friend told me that when you make out with somebody if they've done marijuana or coke or drugs it also gets into your system. She was told this by a doctor. She could be wrong about it and I would love for someone to tell me if she was but if she isn't then that means it would get into your system. You said you don't believe in drug use at all well her drug use would then be directly crashing your belief since it would directly affect you. Regardless of that truth be told it's hard to care about someone who does not care about themself but claims to care about you. If you think about it someone who you were in a relationship with that truly cared about you would have to care about themself to some extent because when in a relationship you would never want anything bad to happent to the other person. Drugs cause problems and are not good for you. Knowing this the other person in the relationship would respect your beliefs and not do them because hurting themself would in turn be hurting you since you care about them. It's hard not to care about someone even though you broke up with them. Maybe your anger and sadness is because you care about her and know you can't do anything for her right now. Don't torment yourself about this it's pretty hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. It's also hard to care about someone who doesn't care about themself. She is not only hurting herself but hurting you in the process. You have made a choice that you are completely against drug use and if she cannot respect that then she does not deserve to be with you because she does not respect and care about your beliefs. She sounds a bit selfish if you ask me. You are not wrong and I think it's great that you don't allow someone that you care about to throw aside something you so strongly believe. Stay strong and don't waver. You will find someone who feels the way you do and respects your opinions as you do theirs.

Answer 10

Hey...you did the right thing...remember life gives us a lot of chances to change it for better or for worse...she had the chance to go to rehab and have a nice life drug free and live with you but she choose the other way.
I am sure she´s dealing with extra issues she´s not telling you cause people with those habits usually have more problems to fix...
think that you leave apart someone who is sick and needs to asume her problem...in the meantime she will turn your life into a living hell ...so go on and move foward!
good luck