Small Children acting out while mother is ill?

Question

I have been ill for a long time now. Recently, however, I have become worse and started not feeling part of my body and started having "seizures". I have 4 children and three of them are 4 and under. My teen has been very helpful and watches over the smaller kids when I have the "seizures". My 3 and 4 year olds have started to act out though. My 4 year old started biting, screaming, and throwing fits. My 3 year old has been more whinny and throwing fits. He is also refusing to do anything anyone tells him to do, including me. My 13 month old cries more, but he may be teething. The doctors don't know why I don't feel things nor why I have "seizures". I am sure the kids behave this way because of my health changes. How can I help them deal with this? How can I explain it when I don't know what is going on?

Answer 1

I would say the kids are responding in the only way they know how, to try and get your attention, whether it be good attention, or bad. They are scared because their world has changed, and there is uncertainty and imbalance. Because they are young, they don't, and are not able, to comprehend what may really be going on. Kids are not blind either. They may be young, but they can still pick up on the fear that your older daughter must feel every time you have a siezure. She has been made to play the role of mother. The role that you are unable at this time to fulfill.
I seriously suggest that you find another Dr. right away. Your doctor claims he doesn't know why you are so sick and having seizures, but at the same time, you didn't mention whether he has sent you to a specialist. The answer is out there somewhere. Perhaps you have M.S. Perhaps not.
You don't mention where you live, but I had incompentant Drs. "treating" me a couple of years ago. I knew my problems were not all in my head. I became agressive. I got on the internet, I emailed Stanford Hospital. They called me. It was a 4 hour drive, but it saved my life. I had a brain tumor.
You need to become your own advocate. Become assertive. Do it now. Your life depends on it, and your children are counting on you. You have to do this for their sake if not for yourself.
There are also agencies out there that can help you with your children, there are church groups. Your daughter should not be put in the place of caregiver. Please, make phone calls, and keep making them. The help is out there. You need to find it.
Please don't give up. I personally would really like to hear how you are doing.

Answer 2

A seizure is scary, very scary for children. They are afraid and rightfully so. Children internalize everything. I am sure they are afraid that you will die and they will be alone.

You need to talk to your children about how they need to be calm and helpful as this stressful time. Try explain what a seizure is and how your are ill and have no control over this. As to your illness, just tell them that the best doctors are trying to make you well again. And while the doctors are working on your illness they need to do their part - which means talking about their fears and not behaving poorly.

You may want to look for kid's books that talk about illness to help them to understand. This is a tough.

This is a horrible situation for your family. I hope that you recover soon!

Answer 3

This doesn't even sound safe! What are your little kids doing when you have a seizure? Get help and support now. Get a nanny, or a housekeeper, or a family member that can live with you. Don't put the burden on your teenager who will feel obligated to care for you and not be a teen! Get help now! Find someone who can live with you and give you support and help. Do it now! The kids are acting out because they're stressed out! Ease their stress by finding real adult help for you! Your teen will resent you if she has to be "the mother" while you're sick. Don't do that. Get help now!

Answer 4

Your little ones can't understand your health issues though they can certainly react to your stress and mood. Can you have a motherly relative move in to do the things you want to with them? You need to get better and rest. Let someone fill in. If they can't have mom 100%, give them another loving person, it may be too much for your teen in the long run. Don't feel bad, come to terms with your limitations and get both you and them properly taken care of. Try finding a book online about when mommy doesn't feel well or something along those lines to read to them. Have their caretaker bring them to you in your bed so you can have quality time with them without exerting too much on yourself. Where's dad?

Answer 5

I feel your pain I was sick for over a year and my small children 3 of the five acted out. My husband brought them into therapy because he was concerned. They were acting out because they thought if they were bad mommy would get up and be herself again. I also started to go to therapy when I was able and it made a big difference and things leveled out. I also learned that small children don't know how to ask ar deal with there parents being ill and that also causes them to act out. I wish you the best and hope that you find out what is causing your illness you will be in my thoughts and prayers

Answer 6

More than likely, the smaller children have no idea of what's going on with you. However, they do know they miss you, and the attention they used to get, from someone (their mother) whom they've already formed a powerful bond with. Don't worry so much about explaining something to them that they won't be able to comprehend for some time now (and, also, something you yourself don't fully understand as of yet), rather, try to spend as much time with them as possible, if you can. It might be a good idea to help them "transition" to an alternative primary care giver (your oldest daughter) by spending time with both her, and them, when you can. This may help you, and them.

Answer 7

The kids feel your stress. They will act out and probably resent their older sibling telling them what to do. They don't understand why Mommy can't do everything for them that she used to. It will pass. They just have to get used to the new way that the household is being run. I hope you have more support than just your teenager. Do you have MS? I'm not a doctor but I'd say you need to see a specialist and get answers as soon as possible. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

Answer 8

osunds like you need some extra help around the house
get some help... try and spend some one on one time with each child... pick a few things you can do with them every day and work out a plan with your daughter for the times that she has to help you and when the kids have to be alone
plus it is also the age... they all do this
keep their routines the same and be consistent with them...
i dont think they are purposely playing up i think sometimes we can just be more sensitive to what they are doing when we arent too well
i would get an adult in to hel pout with the children... your teenager probably needs to focus on other things at the moment and can get resentful if she ends up having to look after her baby siblings...

Answer 9

I am sorry to here about your health issues. Your right your children are reacting to the issues surrounding them. Unfortunately they are to young to understand what is going on and there is no explanation to give them, seeing that the Doctors don't even know.

I wish I could give you some profound advice that would help your children, but I don't have any, but I would suggest that if the Doctor you are seeing is not helping you, find another one ASAP, Maybe go to a specialist.

Good luck to you and your family, you will be in my thoughts

Answer 10

This situation can be devastating to children. They do not understand why your ill and if they witness seizures it can be very scary for them. You really need some help. If you have friends or family members that could step in and help or take them out for while, it could help tremendously. If you don't have help, check with a local church to see if someone there could help. I will pray for you and God bless you!