Going through a Miscarriage?

Question

My wife and I just went through our seconf miscarriage in about 8 months.
Both times she has pretty much brushed it off and I have been really sad and dissapointed. She tells me that it's not a big deal and I should get over it.

Am I being a baby or is she crazy?

Answer 1

You are not being a baby. I know how excited you were when you found out that your wife was pregnant. I have read some of your previous questions and answers and i always thought that your wife is really lucky to have you.

I just hope soon she realizes the value of having a baby with you cause Im sure you will be a great father.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, miscarriages are hard...
Everyone deals with it in their own way. Your wife may view it differently than you (as far as the feeling of losing a child compared to losing tissue and blood). Or maybe she is more upset than she is letting on. Or maybe she is more reassured that she can keep trying.
Women have a period every month...if she was miscarrying very early in her pregnancy it may not have seemed like that big of a deal. Another thing to consider is maybe she isn't really as ready to be a parent as you are so she is a little relieved and sad at the same time.
Whatever it is you are both going through it...so just try to deal with it in your own way and be there for her if she needs to talk.
You are not being a baby and she is not crazy...you are just going through something difficult and are having different reactions.
Good Luck

Answer 3

You are not being a baby, neither is your wife crazy. Both of you have your own way of dealing with this situation.

My wife and I went through two miscarriages as well. Before our first son was born and before our second son as well.

It was very traumatic for her and I controlled my emotions so that I could help her get over it.

However, I understand what you are feeling. There are no easy answers or soothing words of comfort one can offer. You have to go through a grieving process, but thank the lucky stars that your wife is OK.

It also helps to talk to your pastor (if you are a religious person) or a close friend. Sometimes it helps to just let go and cry your heart out.

While your wife may brush it off (externally), please be sure that she is not hurting internally, which may add stress to a marriage.

Sorry that I could not offer a solution, but you are not being a baby about it. What you are experiencing is natural.

Answer 4

I am so sorry!
Your wife may feel guilty or responsible and seeing you upset may make her feel that it is her fault for the miscarriages and that she has let you down. She may be trying to be strong and unemotional so she can go on and conceive again and put this bad experience behind her. It is so hard to do though. You NEVER forget the babies that you lost. They are always a part of your history together and what might have been. If you do not have other children she may be concerned that she will never be able to have a baby. There are so many emotions and pain and hurt that sometimes it is hard to express. Sometimes grief does not bring couples together - but puts a wedge in the relationship.

Answer 5

hey man....been there! you know what really got to me, was that no one tells you how "normal" miscarriages are! there are two kinds of miscarriages....the ones where the fertilized egg doesn't become an embrio. (Never was a baby to begin with) and the kind where a baby is forming. the non forming ones are the most common. In the old days before pregnancy test, women wouldn't know they were pregnant until after the third or fourth month. now days they can find out the day after they do the "deed"! Problem is.....these miscarriages are most common in the first couple of months! Sound familiar? if this sounds like you guys, then your wife is right.....might not hurt to talk to a doctor about it though. Hope this helps!

Answer 6

I think everyone deals with issues of such sensitivity in different ways and at different paces. While it may seem "easy" for her right now, perhaps months from now she will be dealing with stronger emotions. Seems there is a good chance that she just hasn't processed it yet.
On the other hand, maybe she really just wasn't as attached as you were.

Do not feel bad for your emotions. I hope that she at least supports you emotionally and is helping you get through your feelings. I'm sure this isn't an easy subject to just bring up while you're hanging out with friends, so I do hope that you have some way to work through this difficult time.

You are not being a baby and she isn't crazy....

Best of luck to you both.

Answer 7

No, you aren't a baby and no, she isn't crazy. All women handle things differently and maybe she wasn't far enough along to become emotionally attached to the baby to where it bothers her. Personally I had 4 miscarriages and I handled the first 2 pretty well because they were early in my pregnancy and we weren't trying to conceive. When I lost the other 2 it hit harder because I knew I was pregnant and we were starting to plan for the babies. Have you discussed having children? Is she ready to make the lifetime commitment to being a mom? Maybe she just wants to wait a while. I really don't have a good answer for you on this, but I will say a prayer for both of you tonight. Peace~

Answer 8

I would say that your wife is crazy because having a miscarriage is a very devastating feeling and situation since she had two she should be hurt at least.I know that when I lost my child it took a long time to even think straight. This is a very hard time for you and you have my deepest sympathy because it not just your wife who's trying to deal with this it is you as well, my suggestion to you is to pray if you believe in GOD and ask for understanding and relief from the pain that your family has and is going thru. May God Bless you. If it is meant to be it will be.

Answer 9

Maybe that is just her way of dealing with it, she thinks that if she breaks down~ she will just never stop. My husband and I have been trying for almost five years now and sometimes it's hard because you feel numb. Sometimes I tell myself I will just cry later, I have too much to deal with. I will brush it off or say its not a big deal so that I don't have to deal because it's sometimes harder when everyone is sad and you feel that you have to be the strong one. I would talk to her about it and just reassure her that it's okay to cry sometimes and that she doesn't have to always be strong, that you will be strong enough for the both of you. Tell her that everything will be all right & hold her close. I know it helped when we went through the same thing.

Answer 10

No, you're not a baby and she is not crazy. She is probably
as disappointed and sad as you are but trying to not pout
about it, but to try to move forward and not dwell on the loss.
Wait a little longer next time to give all her insides time to heal,
and then try again. I'm sure you'll be the parents of a wonderful
new baby one of these days. Let nature take it's course, and
move on. Your day will come when it will take and you'll both
appreciate the new baby even more. Be patient with each
other in the meantime.