Have you ever felt so unbearably lonely even though you're surrounded by friends that... (cont'd in details)

Question

Sometimes, and I know how cliche and common this sounds, but I feel like things don't matter. Even when I'm at my own party, hanging out with friends, there's just this... shadow of loneliness. But friends never know because you just smile indulgently and go along with things, but... even when there's all the people you care about with you, it just seems like it's not enough. Has that happened to you before?
When you feel like you're alone in the world, even though you have people who care about you and who you care about right beside you?

It's weird. Because the way I put it, it sounds like i'm ungrateful. But I love all my friends-- it just still seems like something's missing.

Lately, I've been thinking about the meaning of life. Nothing seems to come up, except that the only reason I'm trying to hard to live is to not let the people who depend on me down. I'm living out of obligation.

the details part made me sound suicidal. But I'm not. I'm not going to off myself because I'd let so many people down. It just seems like the only reason I'm here still is because I don't want me being gone to have an effect on anyone else's life.

It's weird to think about it this way. I'm grateful to be alive, but I just don't see the point. In the end, we'll all be but dust in the wind. Or maybe not even that.

What happens after death?

If I had those thoughts, if I wanted to actually off myself, the thing that is keeping me from doing is is the fear that there is NOTHING after death. no afterlife. no heaven. I'm hoping that there is. But one never knows.

eyah, i'm getting a headache from this.

opinions appreciated!

in response to Debra P:
I'm almost positive it's not depression.
I'm not sad-- just empty, in a way.

Contemplative mostly.

I always thought of depression as this consuming sadness that makes you feel like crying or cutting or something.

I'm actually fully-functional, for lack of a better term, I've just been re-evaluating certain aspects of life and wondering what the point is.

But no, I'm, essentially, not sad. My life is one I can't really complain about. Not the greatest, but not the worst either. I'm just thinking is all. and feeling... lonely. but not in an "i-feel-like-crying" way. more like in a... "why am i not happy with this?" way. I suppose you could call it the middle of the spectrum.

I'm saying. things that should make me, or people, happy in general leave me feeling... well... nothing.

it's kind of hard to describe.

But no, again, I'm not sad. (maybe this is denial, but i'm pretty sure I'm not depressed)

thanks for your input though.

lol, iono if people re-check questions after they already post answers... but... I really appreciate your responses.
response to words_that_live_on:
lol. i'm not an outcast. I think you may have not read the whole question. I actually do have friends... and 4 of them are best friends who I hang out with frequently.

I'm just saying. even if you're friends are the closest thing to you (aside from family), it still feels... like it's not enough.

It's interesting to discover that most of you responders believe I'm missing Him though.

I would have thought you would have said I need to find an SO (significant other). lol.

very insightful responses, for the most part, so far. Thank you!

I don't remember which responder that said this, but one stated that I should do something that I may be afraid to do. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do!
thanks though.

it's not depression, just a sense of confusion, or when someone is lost but every direction is nowhere.

Answer 1

I'm in a similiar place, where I'm trying to fiqure out wtf am I doing here? You can't help but feel ungrateful to the people who love you unconditionally when they just don't feel like 'enough'.

I feel like my generation got duped somehow with no real clear honorable paths to follow, no meaning left to find. The hunter gathers had a harder life but an easier understanding of the meaning of it all even if they didn't realize it. We've become part of a over complex system where we have become consumers who's purpose seems to be to work at jobs we tolerate in a fultile attempt to achieve unrealistic goals so we can have a few hours left in the week to devote our self to something we enjoy, not nesscessarily love. What's left in life that's realistically obtainable and meaningful? Religon to me seems to be tainted by people trying control others and has lost crediability. So wth is left? Does it really matter? Is free will just a system of fate to complex for us to understand?

I feel everyday like something is lacking in my life, something that I never knew, but I know is missing. I feel much like a person watching a movie for almost 30 years. You develope feelings and views of the people, places and situations, but in the end it's just a movie and the connection between you and movie is only superficial. It's time to find a way to get up and see the world around us that's real, not what we've learned to accept. Then maybe we'll be able to find a connection that is real, a purpose to life that is meaningful, at least some happiness, but I know what I truly desire is love and it's power of unconditional understanding.

Answer 2

Yes, definitely. No, I don't think you're ungrateful or weird at all for feeling this way. I came to a point in my life when I asked the very same questions. And the answer that I found is that no matter what I do (to have fun, tons of friends, relationships, etc.), or no matter what I have, I will never find fulfillment in this life.

I don't know whether you believe in the Bible or not, but I know that we have a void that only God can fill. I believe that we were meant for eternity, to either spend it in heaven or hell. All that everything around us is but for a fleeting moment. Life for me, is living for God. All other reasons just lead to empty, dead ends.

I would suggest you read the Bible, start with the book of Ecclesiastes. Then go on to the Book of John in the New Testament. Visit this website too. I really hope you find what you're looking for, and surely, I'll be praying for you.

http://www.gty.org/index.php?section=how_to_know_jesus_christ

Answer 3

i feel that way a lot lately, too......i collect quotes to help......maybe these will help you....

The sky is deep, the sky is dark
The light of stars is so damn stark.
When I look up, I fill with fear
If all we have is what lies here.
This lonely world, this troubled place
Then cold dead stars and empty space.
Well, I see no reason to persevere
No reason to laugh or shed a tear.
No reason to sleep or ever to wake
No promises to keep, and none to make.
And so at night I still raise my eyes
To study the clear but mysterious skies
That arch above us as cold as stone.
Are you there, God? Are we alone?
The Book of Counted Sorrows

When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught how to fly.
Barbara J. Winters

I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me.
Robert Browning

‘Maybe, he thought, there aren’t any such things as good friends or bad friends- maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you’re hurt and help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they’re always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for, too, if that’s what has to be. No good friends, no bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.’
Stephen King “IT”

You cannot make a crab walk straight.
Aristophanes

If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love,
you have to find the courage to live it.
John Irving

…it was a sense that reality was thin. I think it is thin, you know, as thin as lake ice after a thaw, and we fill our lives with noise and light and motion to hide that thinness from ourselves.
Stephen King

okay....done, i think....still going through them.....always get sucked up. hang in there....everyday is different, every week is older, every day our hearts and souls grow stronger......me

Answer 4

Alone in a room full of people. Been there. The thing is, everyone has these sort of deep thoughts...What is the point and all, but most people don't share, because they don't want to put themselves out there to be judged. You are not alone, and something may be missing in your life. You just need to listen to heart. Deep down you probably know what is missing in your life, you may just be afraid to admit it, because admitting it would mean, you would have to do something about it, and doing something about it may be scary or intimidating, but once you set your mind to it, you can accomplish anything

Answer 5

yes, it is one of the worst feelings in the world. And what's worse, the people around you see you with other people, so they never would think you're lonely.

Answer 6

Briefly you were living fine and then you were stopped from enjoying life. Now your expectations from your belief system has made your brain very angry at you so the brain is creating depression. Now be smart get one new friend and be safe. You are an outcast is all. accept it.

Answer 7

i always feel like this-feeling alone and lonely eventhough i'm surrounded by friends. I'm a lesbian(nobody knows that), and that makes me hard to keep things to myself. i cant talk openly about it but then i know i'll get awful remarks and people will start to judge me. I've confessed to a friend about my sexuality, she was ok at first. so i thought, ok now i've got someone to talk freely about my sexuality and stuff.
But of cos, she wasnt that open-minded as she said.
Now i feel so alone as hell in this world, cos i've got no lesbian friends. i've got gay friends though, but i just couldnt reveal myself.

Answer 8

Before you were born,you were in the presence of God,so when you are here all through your life in your subconscious mind you are craving being back in his presence, nothing else will satisfy you,you just said so!

Answer 9

Yes I have. It has a name, it is called depression and it is a medical condition. I suggest you seek help. Someone to talk to will help, I promise. Find a counselor/therapist.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes you just wonder what is the point.