does anyone know any good little johnny jokes.?

Answer 1

Little Johnny walked in on his parents when they were having sex. He was very disturbed, so his mom dressed and came out to talk to him. " But Mommy, what were you doing"?, he asked. "Well, your daddy has a big tummy and sometimes i have to help him flatten it out", she says, thinking quickly. " You shouldent bother", he says. "Why honey"?, she asked, confused. Little Johnny looks at her and says:" because when you go shopping, the neighbor lady comes over and blows it right back up"!

Answer 2

It was little johnny's b-day and little johnny asked his mom"Mommy can I take a shower with u . Its my b-day"His mom said " OK Only cause its your b_day but dont look up and dont look down" BBut little johnny looked down and asked her whats that his mom said those are my lamps.....he looked up and asked what is that....she said thats my bush....so there done with the shower....he sees his dad going to take a shower ...Can i take a shower with u daddy it is my birthday and his dad said OK only b/c its ur bday but dont look down and little johnny looked down and asked what is that? his dad says thats a snake...johnny says O I have 1 too..his dad said correct johnny.....so it is bedtime and johnny asks mommy and daddy can i sleep wit u its my bday and they said yes but dont look down and johnny looked down and yelled MOMMY TURN ON UR LAMPS THE SNAKE IS GOING IN THE BUSH!!

Answer 3

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank you when we get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.

At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say he can see good?" The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision." Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a damn good thing, cause he sure as hell can't wear glasses!"



Little Johnny's mother is taking a bath, having recently been discharged from hospital where she had all her pubic hair removed. Johnny comes into the bathroom as she's drying off and asks her what happened to the hair. "I've lost my sponge" she replies and sends Johnny out to play. A few moments later, Johnny returns and tells his mother he think she's found her sponge "Oh really," his mum asks Where is it?" Johnny answers, "The lady next door is washing daddies face with it"



Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" the child asks. "That, son, is the elephant's penis." replied his father. "Mummy said it was nothing," the child then said. "Your mother's spoilt, Son."



Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard: "One and one, the son-of-a-***** is two." ; "Two and two, the son-of-a-***** is four." ; "Three and three... "

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Clara Jones taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she approached Ms. Jones and told her what happened. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Jones exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."



Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some condoms. The chemist puts a pack of condoms on the counter. Johnny looks at the condoms and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what else do you have?"

"Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what these will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make a goat jump about two feet off of the ground!"



Little Johnny and his dad went upstairs one day to hang a picture frame while his mother made lunch. About twenty minutes after they went upstairs Johnny came downstairs crying. "What's wrong?" His mother said. "Daddy slipped and hit his thumb with the hammer!" Said Johnny. "Well..." Johnny's mother started. "...That's nothing to cry about, daddy will be alright. Its actually kind of funny, I don't know why you didn't laugh when it happened."

"I did!" Johnny said. "I did!"



Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?" Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not."

"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to."



Little Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in line behind a rather obese lady wearing a business suit, complete with a pager. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's REALLY FAT." The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little Johnny received a quiet reprimand.

After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is that wide." At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son. Again after a couple of minutes Little Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt." The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her rude child and his mother threatened him with his very life and existence. Things in the bank are quiet. The lady moved to the front of the line when her pager begins to emit its distinctive tone. Little Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE MOM, SHE'S BACKING UP!!!!"



Little Johnny applied for a salesman's job at a big department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "No, this is my first job," said the lad, but the boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up." The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??" "Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars." said Little Johnny. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well," said Little Johnny, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser." The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" "No." answered Little Johnny, "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife so I said to him, 'Well, your weekend's screwed - you might as well go fishing.' "



Little Johnny asked his Dad, "Why does a woman close her eyes during sex?"

"She hates to see a man having a good time."

Answer 4

no