my bf and i have been dating for 6 months. i love him to death but sometimes he gets upset over the silliest things. for example, we could be having a really good time hanging out and talking, but if i do or say something that he doesnt like, he'll just stay quiet and he will refuse to tell me what i did wrong. this makes us get into an argument and it stresses us both out. he usually ends up telling me what was wrong later, like the next day, but his reaction really bums me out because i cant read his mind and figure out whats wrong with him.
this really hurts me. sometimes i cry because i just plain dont know what is bothering him and yet he ignores me and holds a grudge for apparently no reason
if this isnt some type of emotional abuse, then what is it? how can i help him?
my bf is a great guy except for this little issue. i really dont think any other girl would put up with this kind of behavior
2006-08-06 12:55:16 · 9 answers · asked by Giselle 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Reading your question took me back more years in my life than I'd like to admit.
I have found myself asking similar questions through out my life. Although I don't really know you or the things that are being said that "upset" him, I do know a few things about emotional abuse. If you are totally blind sided by him getting up set-it probably is. If you have changed the way you act or half way through telling him something, you think better of it and change what you were going to say-it probably is. If you worry about how he will act when your friends are around, if you'll be embarassed-it probably is. If he acts one way when people are with you and as soon as they are gone, is a completly different person for no reason-it probably is.
For me it started with my mother and I learned that people get angry with you for reasons you don't really know, its just a part of life....BUT ITS NOT! I don't know if your situation is similar but if it is...then this certainly is emtional abuse, as the abused usually repeat the pattern in life, by attaching themselves to similar people. I also thought I'd met a great guy except for one little issue I thought I could live with, after 8 years of marriage I felt like I wanted to die. I walked around on eggshells never knowing what would make him mad and either yell or not talk to me. You seem to be smart in that you are questioning this behavior. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-08-10 05:59:50 · answer #1 · answered by Julie G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HONESTLY,
I do the same thing. In his mind something is bothering him. It really is hurting him when he gets quiet. He is thinking that you did or said something that shows you don't like some part of him. Anyways it's complicated... BUT the best thing to do is just act normal, like there is nothing wrong. LET IT GO, he will get over it in 5 min and will eventually tell you when he wants to. Just be happy and let him be quiet, don't push the subject and he will relize that he is acting like a fool for the crazy thoughts that are going through his mind...TRUST ME
2006-08-06 13:08:47 · answer #2 · answered by Jarrett 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be unable to control his feelings with he gets upset. I am not making excuses for him, but does he have a good home life? He may have grown up always having to hold his anger in and not learning how to express it. I think you need to sit him down when he is calm and the both of you talk about ways to work on issues when he gets mad, instead of holding it in. If he truly loves you he will be willing to do this to keep the two of you together.
2006-08-06 13:07:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"my bf is a great guy except for this little issue. i really don't think any other girl would put up with this kind of behavior"
WHAT!!!! HOW CAN U SAY THAT?
HE IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A "GOOD MAN" HE IS BEEN TREATING U LIKE IF U DID THINGS ON PURPOSE..HE IS ABUSING OF U...EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY, U MUST STOP THAT HE WILL NEVER CHANGE...HE IS A JERK...SO...LOOK FOR A MAN WHO IS WORTHY...GOOD LUCK,,!!
2006-08-06 13:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by golden_mermaid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!!! He is training you to be controlled by him. If you ignore this poor behavior,he might stop. If he just gets mad ...so what!!! If he leaves you, You lived this long without him. But don't play into this game. He will walk all over you.
2006-08-06 13:09:33 · answer #5 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think he is mad at you, let him stay like that. He will eventually tell you wants wrong. My bf was like that too and i would always bug him to tell me what was wrong but i learned that if i ignored the fact he was mad at me then he would tell me on his own. Then we discussed it and got over it
2006-08-06 13:10:33 · answer #6 · answered by tinkerbell19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it sounds like he is either immature, or playing mind games like a power trip, once you figure that out, youll know what to do
2006-08-06 13:29:54 · answer #7 · answered by s_peach23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like he's just childish.
2006-08-06 13:02:17 · answer #8 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him to grow up!
2006-08-06 13:02:04 · answer #9 · answered by Karen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋