how do i deal with his family?

Question

my fiancee doesnt have a great relationship with his family and now i see why...besides his brother his family is nuts...his sister and mom both married men with money and they make fun of us because we both work and dont have alot. they make fun of our house, of how we have a lot of credit card debt, they say we never do the right thing and that my fiancee is with me only be cause we have a kid together which isnt true hes nothing like them and actaully stopped talking to them for a couple years before i came in the picture...it pisses me off and everytime i hear of more crap they say i want to call them up and ***** them out..why do they think theyre so much better than us?! i want him to yell at them but he says its not worth the fight, how should i handle this im gonna lose it if i have to hear how small by house is and how much we fail as a family which is not true at all!!? im sick of it and im sick of pretending i dont know that theyre saying it even though i know its true!!

his mom abused him growing up and everything, she was always pampered and left her kids to family they all have been arrested and in trouble throughout their teens...now that shes old she wants them around but she hasnt changed not one bit!

its his brother that comes back and tells us hes married too and they went through similar things but ive caught them red handed saying it also

Answer 1

Just remember that your fiancee loves them because they are his family. If he is not willing to fight to protect you then you're with the wrong guy. You should be supporting each other and working to create a better future. Hopefully you're not spending a ton of money on the wedding. It's just one day.

Answer 2

Families like this are more common than not. Don't take them personally. Seriously, they really don't know any better, & perhaps they feel that you are an easy target for them to pick on. My brother wants everyone to think he is Ralph Nadar. You don't need to be reminded how small your house is. It sounds like it is just big enough; and less to clean, so you have time for other things! My brother constantly criticizes, yesterday he made the comment, "Your house isn't worth what your paying for it". (is that any of his business? & what the hell does he think we are paying for it? - - but "who said he could think" , anyway!) His comments hurt, but when my brother came over to our summer cabin, my husband said, "Dan's here," my reply was, "Who cares?". While he sat there in my kitchen, my brother has the property across from ours. It is actually their own insecurities that make them act goofy, Don't pay attention to what they say, you can become a master at switching the subject. They are just plain rude. At the next insult, say: "That's what I like about you, [laughing]; your always joking" . And "you guys are such comedians!". Make light of it. You'll get your chance. And another good one is, "At least I don't suck off my ole' man's health insurance!" I've got a million of 'em! And remember girl, Attitude is everything! Good for you that you work. Work can be an outlet. It gives you other interests. Stay busy, as busy as you can. While you are moving along in the world, they are sloughing off & getting flabby. (ask one if she's put on more weight) Give it right back to them. They will be eating crow oneday. My brother is.... & I can't control what comes out of his mouth, but I don't take his crap either! Long distance relatives are sometimes the best! I hope this helps, dear.

Answer 3

Why do you care so much about what these people say or think? Are you and your fiancee happy with one another? Is your relationship a good one? Have you looked inside yourself and asked if maybe the reason what these people say makes you so upset is that you believe some of it yourself or you really are somewhat jealous or envious of the money they have at their disposal.
You do not have to be around them or speak to them just because they are your husband's family. If they are disrespectful to you, you can let him know that you will not join in nor be a part of their ignorant games. Let him know that since it's his family you understand if he wants to spend time with them, but that you will not until they learn to respect you and talk to you like they have some sense. Then stick to it.

Once you step back and pull yourself out of this stupidity you'll be able to focus on what's really important - caring for yourself, your child, your fiancess and working on getting out of debt.

Answer 4

Good point to the person who said that your fiance loves them b/c they are his family. If he is as upset about this as you, maybe both of you should agree not to have them over period. They seem shallow and probably are exaggerating what they have. Do a credit check on them, they might be showing tangibles, but aren't paying for them!! I don't see why they would treat you so badly if you didn't do anything to them. Let your fiance know that you are proud of him. Both of you need to talk about how you will deal with his family. If you can't come to an agreement that is suitable for both of you, maybe you shouldn't marry him. It will be miserable to have to hear them all of the time. There will always be people like that in the family though!

Answer 5

Just have to ignore it and go on with your daily lives. I know it seems easier to say than it is to do, but some people are just this way. It's ALL about MONEY and not so much LOVE anymore which is sad. And it seems like these people are all about money and what you have. As long as YOU as a family are happy, that's all that should matter. Don't sweat the Small Stuff. This is what they are achieving at, Getting you all worked up over just small stuff. Good Luck! Don't worry be happy. :)

Answer 6

They arent worth the fight. You should talk to your fiance first, but i would keep my child away from people like that. These women married for the money, and you guys married for the love. You are working for your family, while all they did was lay on thier back.

This fight isnt worth a fight. They arent worth the trouble. The only thing you need to decide, is how to end it. You could walk up to their door, flick them off, and tell em to burn in hell. Or you could send em a letter saying, haha...your funny. Then never talk to them again.

Anyways, they arent worth it. Its not giving up though. Your just throwing away the trash. Children should be around people like that, its like...being around drug addicts. I mean, they seem happy, and they have all this...so why not be like them?

Anyways. Live your own life. Keep working. Create a new family tree, and try your best to raise your child.

Bad things happen, but you will always have yourself. Go on.

Answer 7

In-laws can be the most destructive and most uninvited guests in our lives. Your fiance can already vouch for your feelings otherwise he wouldn't have stopped communication with them. If they MUST be in your life because you feel obligated to do so you have to find a common interest that you all share. Deflect negativity by not even noticing the backhanded comments then mentioning (if you both like baseball for example) how a certain team did. If they don't have to be in your life but he wants them in his realize that they are his family and no matter what he can't change that. Allow him his time with his family but let him know that you don't have to go over there for that.

Answer 8

Fiancee. Not husband. Then yes they have a right to let you guys know that you are not operating in the value system he was raised. Sister and Mom married. Whether they married money or not. Maybe the issue is not them, but you guys?

Answer 9

When you accepted him you accepted his family, it's a package deal. I also have problems dealing with my fiance's family... they tend to pile all of the major family problems on his shoulders and then they walk away. So, I will tell you what I do... I don't mince words and I don't walk around on egg shells for them anymore. There is no love lost between us anyway, and I will be damned if I will allow anyone treat me the way that they do. Since I started this way of acting and thinking things have been alot better between my fiance and I. I don't expect him to fight my battles for me, but I let him know that I DO expect for him to defend me and not allow them to speak ill of me in his presence. If your fiance's family can't accept the life the two of you have made together then they are the ones who are missing out. Listen to your fiance, it isn't worth the fight... because when it is all said and done you will be the one to walk away with your feelings hurt and they will just go about their lives like nothing happened. Be a little bigger than they are and walk away when you can and defend yourself when you can't. I truly hope that you can come to terms with this and find a little peace.

Answer 10

Well, your situation is quite opposite from mine. my husband and his family aren't so close either, he moved out when he was 16, and he got a lucky break so he got a good job at 16. My husband and I met online. But anyway, when we first met we fell in love pretty much at the first sight. so I took him home to meet my parents, he's a shy guy and that my folks don't speak english which was awkward, but for awhile my folks always talk **** about him, and I know he's the right guy for me and that I can see that he and I can spend the rest of our lives together, but my folks didn't like him, they didn't approve of him. all I'm saying is that just be patience, once you're married it's a whole different ball game. Before me and my husband got married, he worked so hard to prove that he's a great guy for me to my parents. Just don't let the situation get to you too much, you know you love your fiance just go keep on loving him, don't have to mind what his family members say to you. don't let it get to you, it's not worth it. Best of luck in the future.