What do you think about this? (Grandma Day Care 24-7)?

Question

We have a beautiful grand-daughter and our first and only one. And she is 2. I am at my wits in with this situation: I agreed to take care of my grand-daughter o.k. I understand but not 24-7 ! Don't get me wrong ! I feed this child cloth her and support her also, Never does my son or his girl offer any monies, diapers, money for snacks or any thing. I have had MANY confrontations with him. And he starts to say how young they both are and that they don't have any money left etc. But yet when pay day comes along there no where to be found. They live out on there own without any assistants Which I am very proud of that. Every once in a while they hit us up for money. There both 21 years old. Does anyone have any suggestions ? I should also add that the babys other grand parents are not even offering to help. It seems that they don't even want to bother. No help whats so ever ! The baby is the happiest baby ever. But, I find myself very TIRED!

I should add that we live like about 30 miles from them. But never do they come and see her nor pick her up. They claim that thay don't have gas money. But they sure do have money to go out huh? I am just 43 years old. Does my life stop her without feeling guilt?

I understand what every one has said but why do I feel so sad read this responses. I afraid of what our granddaughter might go through ! She means THE WORLD TO US ! My husband and I have brought up the suggestion : Of getting full custody of her and they go blistick ! So what is it going to be right ? I JUST DON'T KNOW. Our grand=daughter has her own room here at the house and all. She is not deprived from nothing at all.

Answer 1

Obviously, you are the only parent she has known, and it would be detrimental(sp?) to her to stop taking care of her. Petition the courts for full-custody (she should be able to get health insurance by this, too). If they can't raise her, then you should get custody of her. And if they want to fight, fight. I had an aunt that went through this with her grand-daughter. Her father comes and sees her, and she even spends the night with him sometimes now. She is 8 though. Her grand-mother got custody of her when she was 3 or 4. I know that you're tired, I can imagine. But I think what you have to think about is your grand-daughter. I mean, she'll be starting school in 2 or 3 years, and that will help give you a break. Would you rather you be a little bit tired, but know that she is well taken care of, or would you rather her be God-only-knows-where with God-only-knows-who and you not be so tired? I actually think that you would be more tired with her not there than you would be with her living with you. Remember the first night your son spent the night somewhere with his friend? I know every time my son spends the night with someone else, I don't get more than 2 hours of sleep. I don't mean to sound like I'm being hard on you, I apologize if it comes off like that. I hope that you find a way that you like, as well as your son. Maybe I have given you a little help. If my aunt hadn't gone through this, I probably wouldn't have even answered the question. Let me just say that my cousin is very happy with her grand-mother and grand-father. She knows her dad, and spends time with him. He is, like, 28, and has matured a bit since his daughter was born. But he knows that he still couldn't be a good of a parent to her as his parents are. God Bless and I hope everything works out.

Answer 2

Unfortunately this is becoming very common these days. I hope you are keeping a diary of all the lack of visiting and support from them.
I don't know if you and your husband have considered making it legal custody????
Are you claiming her as a dependent on your taxes? if not you should.
There is some limited financial help usually available. Check with your human services division. As a grandparent you can probably get TANF. This isn't much, but every little bit helps. You can probably also have her covered under Medicaid so she will have some medical coverage.
I bet if you apply for this assistance you will find they are already using it and claiming her as a dependent so they can get the financial assistance.Possibly food stamps and housing assistance.
It is a hard thing to do when it comes to your children and grandchildren, but in the end you have to take care of your finances too. If the child was to get sick (heaven forbid) you might find yourself responsible for the medical bills.

I speak about all this from experience. I am 53 years old and my husband is 59. We are raising our great-grandchildren - a set of twin boys. I know the feeling of being tired and thinking this is not how I envisioned my life at this point. They have lived with us for a little over 3 yrs now and we have never gotten any assistance either. We would like to get legal custody, but it is a situation of not knowing who the father is. You are lucky there. You won't have to pay for multiple DNA tests and a lawyer to represent the father.
I wish there were more encouraging words to offer you.....
I will pray for you .... please pray for me also.

I would encourage you to make it legal custody.

Who cares if your son goes ballistic? Probably one of the reasons is he will lose some of teh benefits he is getting by being able to claim her as a dependent. He cnnot have it both ways. He obviously doesn't care about you and his daughters feelings. Don't even discuss it with him. Just go and file. Let him find out when he is served the papers. You may have to ask for a tempory judgement immediately to keep him from taking the child. Make sure you have documentation to support your story. This can be statements from neighbors or people at church, any one who knows that you have been keeping her.

Answer 3

Tell them that the child's needs come before their own. I am a stay at home mom and I always make sure that I have what my son needs before spending money on my husband or myself. It is just what a good parent does. Don't buy the diapers. Tell him that they either start paying for ner needs or they will have to figure out how to pay for an expensive day care center to watch her and they WILL NOT provide the diapers for their child. They need to grow up. Maybe he needs to get a 2nd job. I am the youngest of 4 kids and most of my life, until I was the last one left at home my dad always worked two jobs and my mom also worked.

Answer 4

"Never does my son or his girl offer any monies, diapers, money for snacks or any thing. I have had MANY confrontations with him. And he starts to say how young they both are"

If they are that young, then they are not ready to have a child and raise a child. Therefore, the sugguestion you and your husband made is the next step. They will go balistic but guess what? Welcome to adult hood AND parenthood.

You have grandparent rights and can contest it. Have written down of when they see her and for how long. Write down how long you had her and save all reciepts that you have bought for her.

I am almost 21 years old, full time college student and a sub for pre school/child care. I understand how being young can affect money and time. However, when a couple decide to get pregnant and carry to term in efforts to raise the child together, then that is their first and for most priority.

I see 18 year olds doing it and making it with out pondering their child off on people. So he needs to get a better paying job and she needs to stay home and raise her child until she is able to go into pre school and kinder then she can pick up a part time job while her child is at school.

Looks like you are their push over. I don't mean to be rude but they taken advantage of you and you waited so long to allow it. I am so sick of my high school friends doing that and even my fiance's g-ma is in same boat as you. She is filing for custody of 3 year old cousin. Which my fiance and I are next in line if something happens to g-ma since she is getting up in her age with more health problems.

I think the other grand parents are not offering to help because they are doing the "tough love" method. If want children, then raise them on your own. If you can't, then stop having them. Which I side with them.

One thing to help. it is another to get involved and not able to get out. They do you blame them to not want to be in your position? I don't. You are their built in baby sitter that they don't to pay.

If they don't offer. Charge them anyways and keep record and let them know this too in written and in verbal.

You only got a few choices. File for adoption/custody, ask for money ahead of time/them write a check and better be in the account or you charge them extra if bounced or she can't come over, give her back and let them grow up and come to terms that if they want you to help, they first need to be responsible or keep doing this and not having it solved.

Answer 5

I understand where you are coming from. I am not a grandparent but a young parent (I'm 20). My fiance mother watches our daughter's during the day while I work. He works at night so I'm home with them then. We buy their snacks, diapers, send medicine and pay her $50 a week for watching them. I know that doesn't seem like much to pay for a babysitter but that's all she would take. My fiance and I have never been on public assistance and have always done things for ourselves. If we were tight on money we will borrow from either my parents or his parents but we ALWAYS make sure to pay them back. I would just let your son know that you won't put up with it anymore. Let him know what daycare costs. I know it's not easy but just stop doing it.

Answer 6

You need to show your son and his girlfriend a nice little case of TOUGH LOVE!!! Although you love your granddaughter, you are NOT her parent!! Her parents need to take responsibility for the child that they decided to bring into this world!! You are not their personal nanny/assistant!! Tell your son that if he wants to leave his daughter at your house all the time, he is going to have to start paying you for food, diapers, etc!! Otherwise, I would seriously limit the amount of time that your granddaughter spends at your house! I know you love her and everything, but you need to teach your son and his girlfriend about LIFE! They cannot just free load off of you and pawn their child off on others! That is NOT how life works!!

If they dont want to pay you for your "services", then tell them that they can only drop the baby off twice a week for a few hours at a time, THATS IT!!

It is THEIR child, not yours!! THEY should be paying for it and raising it, they shouldnt be expecting YOU to do it for them!! Good Luck!

Answer 7

As long as you let me take advantage of you they will. Take the baby home to them give her to her parents. Tell them that you agreed to babysit will they are at work and not raise her for them. Give then a specific drop off and pick up time. Tell then they need to bring diapers and food as well. If the don't like these terms then they need to get someone else to watch her while they are at work. If they are low income there is daycare assistance available in most states. Your other option is to get a lawyer and get custody of your grandchild. They are the ones who had this child and you have to make them take responsibility for her. If you continue like this most likely they will end up giving you another grandchild to care for.

Answer 8

Wow! You are one super lady! But they are really taking advantage of you. You already raised your kids and you don't have to raise theirs too. Don't feel guilty, just lay it on the line for them. Tell them exactly what you are willing to do, and not do. It is their child so they should be taking care of her at night and on weekends-not you. If they say they don't have gas money to drive back and forth every day tell them they will have to find some other arrangements. You need to take care of you before you can care for someone else- and you're not doing that right now. Good luck! And be strong not a martyr.

Answer 9

I had my first child at 21 and NEVER depended on anyone else... I am assuming the child lives with you? I would tell them that they need to start doing for THEIR child....and that if they are waiting on enough money to care for the child... that they will never have enough.. and you may have to suggest them signing over custody to you... let them know you arent playing.. I am 100 % sure you love this child and would never do anything to hurt the baby.... BUT, you have raised your children.. it is time they raise their own... good luck and God bless

Answer 10

Tell him that you will watch the baby while they are at work, but ask them to please send her lunch with her. Then only watch her when your son or daughter-in-law is working. If they aren't there 1/2 an hour after work start calling them to ask where they are because you have unavoidable plans where your granddaughter would not be welcome (like a sewing class). Then when it is time to pick her up at the end of the day, smile and tell him what a wonderful daughter he has and how excited she is to spend time with her daddy.