my daughter has just told me she is gay she is only 15, how do I respond to this?

Answer 1

DO YOU STILL LOVE HER? If you do, tell her. If not, make sure she has a "safe home" to go to. This is all you can do.

Is she a "bad girl?" Did you have problems raising her? Or when you look at her does your heart melt because you love her SO MUCH? If so, then NOTHING has changed, after all, SHE IS THE SAME GIRL TODAY SHE WAS YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE THAT, ETC. Tell her that you love HER! If you don't "agree" with her "life" thats your choice, but TRUST ME, its NOT A LIFE-STYLE, because NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE EVER GAVE ME A CHOICE. If they had, I would have chosen STRAIGHT, how much EASIER straight people have it! No bad judgements on them for how they feel, or who they love! No hate just because they LOVE SOMEONE. CHOICE, NOT! If it were, I'd have thrown it away, but JUST AS YOU DON'T REMEMBER CHOOSING TO BE STRAIGHT, I DON'T REMEMBER GETTING A CHOICE EITHER.

Answer 2

At fifteen, though young, she will have a strong attraction to a certain sex. If she is brave enough and certain enough to talk about this with you then you must be a good parent. It also means that she must be sure of her orientation. There is a chance (small) that it is a phase to do with her hormones and experimentation that will pass, but the worst thing you could do would be to express that hope to her. You said nothing on how you feel in your note... you will have your own beleifs towards homosexual activity. It is important to express your own beleifs also without making your daughter feel unaccepted. An open question in this forum is simply asking for trouble as in our communities it is a topic of dissention. Stay true to yourself and love your girl.

Answer 3

Most likely it is just a phase. I remember my friend in highschool told me she was gay...she was about 15 or 16. It was just her way of experimenting and getting attention. In the end, she married a wonderful guy and looks back on her past and laughs.

I would say to support her. I am sure it took a lot of courage for her to come to her mother and tell you that she likes other girls. She wants to be able to lean on you. Tell her you love her no matter what decisions she makes in life.

Most likely she will grow out of it, as most kids do...because 15 is not really an age in life where you really know what you want. But, if not...love her anyways! Be glad she came to you...instead of hiding it from you for years and years.

Answer 4

Smile and tell her you love her and will always love her. She is young and may change her mind, or she may know. At 15 did you know that you were straight? Keep an open mind regardless of your opinion of homosexuality. Support your daughter just the same way as ever. Dating, break ups, and relationships will be the same, just no worry of her being pregnant. IF she can see that you love her, you will be able to have a great relationship and be just as close.

Answer 5

The first thing to do is to tell her you love her. Then let her talk and get all of her feelings, concerns and worries out. Let her know you are always willing to listen even though you may not be sure how you feel about all of it.

She's fifteen and at this stage sexuality is not necessarily fixed in stone. She may be experimenting, she may turn out to be bisexual, she may be going through a developmental stage and she may well be gay. She's still the daughter you love and care about whatever the case. And it's not such a shocking thing since at least 5% to 10% or so of us are homosexual or bisexual.

Sexual variations happen in many species and humans are no exception. One poster jumped on the "abomination to God" bandwagon which would tend to say God is more than a little confused to create so many "abominations." Most of this attitude comes from verses taken out of context to support personal prejudices. Jesus, for example, spoke not one single word against homosexuality. Whatever your religious beliefs may be, none of them should preclude loving and nurturing your child and protecting her from thos so quick to judge and to hate.

She is not sick, she is not dirty, she is not abnormal. And you should recognize that telling you took courage and honesty and a great deal of trust that you would still be there for her.

She needs the sex education talk any teen needs with specific information related to her declared orientation. If you aren't comfortable talking about that, there are resources to help you. I'll give you some good links. And at 15 the issue of being too young for any sexual activity with another of course needs to be addressed. Whether she is gay, straight or somewhere in the middle, she needs to be more mature before expressing it.

You may be having mixed emotions ranging from shock, to blaming your self for having done something wrong, to anger, to grief because of issues about the discrimination she could face, thand even wondering if she will have the grandchildren most of us would like. You need to share with parents who have already negotiated these troubled waters, and an organization called PFLAG can help you and your entire family.

Please try to keep things in perspective. Imagine if she had told you she was pregnant, had been raped, was going to be arrested, had HIV or was addicted to drugs instead. What she did do was speak honestly to you about how she sees herself. And she likely knew there was a risk. It is not unusual, sadly, for teens to make this declaration and simply be thrown out.

And don't hurry to announce this to the world. Reactions will vary, as witnessed by the coldness and lack of love in some of the answers here, and you need to sort your own out first.

Whatever you do, please do what I first suggested: be certain she knows she is still your beloved daughter. A hug wouldn't hurt.

Links:
www.pflag.org
An organization for parents and friends of lesbians and gays with many local chapters and people who will understand.
www.sxetc.org
A site primarily for teens with frank and accurate information about many aspects of sexuality
www.scarleteen.com
A site for teens that calls itself "sex positive." Comes on a bit strong for some, but the information is accurate and useful.

Answer 6

Just love her and support her. It is not wrong for someone to he gay. They cannot help it. It's not like they would choose to be in a homosexual relationship if they were straight. People that bring God into this disscusion are ignorant, and have no idea about studies that have shown that there is some kind of chemical imbalance that causes this to happen. Don't try to tell her she is wrong or that she is not gay, because if she believes that you don't support her she may not forgive you and permantly ruin your relationship.

Answer 7

If you don't agree with it, then tell her it will take some getting used to but she will always be your daughter gay or not and you love her no matter what. She was just honest with you and I'm sure it wasn't easy, so you should just be honest about how you are really feeling.

Answer 8

Well i think u should love her no matter what stick with it at least she did come out and say it before u catched her then u would had a big fight and she might had left so just stick wit it . It is wrong but if she wants to pay for it in the long run let her

Answer 9

Even if you don't necessarily agree with homosexuality, she is still your child. Let her know that you will always love her no matter what and you will be there for her.

She was brave enough to come to you and tell you the truth without keeping it hidden from you until her adult years. So please just be there for her. A friend of mine didn't tell her parents, friends, or anyone until 3 suicide attempts later, countless bouts with depression, and living a double life. Don't put your daughter though that. I am no blood relation to my friend, but I couldn't let my views stop me from losing someone so close to me. Love is unconditional.

Answer 10

You are her mother, you must accept her. Just sit down with her and talk. My sister came out when she was 17, my mom couldn't accept her for who she is, and my sister was deeply depressed. Now she is 22 and my mother has finally come to peace with her. My sister is very happy, she is even engaged with her girlfriend. If you dearly love your daughter, you must accept her for who she is. You should be glad she decided to trust you enough to tell you. Be a wonderful mother and let her be who she wants to. Whoever she loves or is attracted to has really nothing to do with you, it is her body and her heart. As a mother, you are suppose to help and support her through this. Good luck and God bless.