I want a baby, but the hubby doesn't. Please help?

Question

My husband and I have been married for two years, and we had a baby last christmas who passed away a month later. Ever since, I have felt like dying. I've always wanted to be a housemom, but my husband doesn't seem to understand that. Lately I have been very suicidal. My husband finally told me to stop taking birth control. He doesn't want a babynow, but he said he'd rather have me live. Now I just feel guilty. I really don't know what to do. I love my husband so much, but I don't feel like I can live much longer, and a child would give me a reason to.

I forgot a very important reason for me thinking we should try now. He is in the military and there is a 25% chance of the same thing that happened to my son happening with the next child (as far as the doctor know, they never figured out what was wrong). It costs ten thousand a day to keep a baby on a resperator. We wont have the money when he leaves the military.

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Is that your little angel in the picture? I can completely understand your depression. I think maybe your husband should go to some kind of counseling with you. Maybe he is just shutting himself off because he also experienced the loss of this precious little angel. I think you should have another baby and I think it will help you much. You sound like you were and will be again a wonderful mommy. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

Your hormones are driving the situation; your need to procreate.

I;'m sure that you love each other but are you both ready for a child? Talk to you doctor about this...maybe there is a medical or psychological discussion you should have. Suicidal feelings are not normal in any case. If you have them now, how will you feel when you have a screaming child at 3am and no sleep. Wise up girl and look at your situation.

THink of the future. Will you lives be better or worse with a baby right now? SHould you wait a year or so financially? Do you have child care if you are both working?

A baby is a lifetime and I'm sure that you all can adjust, but there are practical aspects.

ON the other hand. Having a baby when you are younger gives you the energy and opportunity to grow with your child rather be a older parent. What if you can't conceive? You have some options and time to explore. There are advantages either way.

YOU DO NEED A DOCTOR NOW HOWEVER.

Answer 3

No child should be born into a family where it's not wanted. Granted, you CLEARLY want and seem capable of loving that child. Problem is, your husband may feel he has been "blackmailed" into accepting the baby.

No one on this forum can possibly know what goes on in each of your minds. If you are LUCKY, your husband may learn to accept the baby, and love it and never resent the reason for your agreement. It would be a shame, however, to trust the life of a child on LUCK.

Clearly, counseling, for both of you is a path to a solution. If you cannot both agree to get professional help, for this, then perhaps, waiting a period of time might be a good idea. You say you are suicidal. How do you KNOW that you won't have these feelings later, after you've had the baby. What kind of a life will that baby have without a mother, and a father that may resent its existance.

If you BOTH cannot agree to get counseling, at least, YOU should get help to discuss these suicidal feelings. Either you, or your husband may change your minds later. Give it a chance.

Answer 4

I cannot say that i understand ur husband and ur feelings cos obviously.. ive never been through what u have been through and never would like to.. im very sorry though for what has happened to u and ur husband. I can feel how terrible it is and can understand why ur husband wouldnt be ready to go through all these again for the time being at least.

SO what i would suggest is that.. since your husband would prefer not to get through all these at least for the moment and that you would love to have a child.. why not try adoption. At least that way, you both could save and make a life happy.. and at the same time keep you both content and happy at the same time.
At least for the time being, you and your husband can spend the time raising this baby. And when the time comes that you and your husband are ready to have a baby of your own... then you can give it another go.. That is just a suggestion though..

Anyway, would like to wish u and ur husband all the best.. and remember that it is not the end of the world.. appreciate the life that you have. If you think that your life is bad enough.. remember that there are ppl out there who are having a worse time and would trade for anything to be in ur position. Good luck

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom the pain you and your husband are in. I would suggest some counseling for both of you first. You need individual and couples counseling. I would not suggest bringing a baby into the world when you are having suicidal thoughts. Although, I do understand those thoughts. I could not imagine trying to live after the death of a child. But there is life afterwards and you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your future children to get the help you need now. Your husband is probably reluctant to have another baby for fearing the loss of it too. Therapy should help deal with both of your feelings and help you to move on. I will pray for you both.

Answer 6

It is not wise to ever use ANYTHING as a reason to live or a reason to be happy. You must find it by yourself or you won't find it at all. What kind of pressure is that on a child? I would highly suggest counseling for both of you to deal with your grief. Your husband may not want children for the same reason that you DO want children. He may not feel like he can live through the pain of possibly losing another child. This is not a question for Yahoo Answers. You need to talk to a professional and work this out with your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss - I can't imagine how painful that must be for you.

Answer 7

From the look of a few solutions it style of appears like the bonding aspect between daddy and toddler is with video games and that is the very similar difficulty with my 15 month previous and my husband. Daddy remains a large toddler and also you are able to't take him faraway from his helpful PS3 so if daddy is taking area in Jaanali is sweet next to him taking area in and screaming and there is no scuffling with for the controller the following we had an previous PS2 distant and we decrease off the cord (for protection and likewise because even as Jaanali said that daddy's did no longer have a cord he didn't want his anymore) so that they both get to play jointly. The funniest difficulty is that you listen Jaanali screaming oh guy i wager he hears daddy say that lots too and he makes the very similar gestures that my husband makes even as he's all into the game. And as an experienced gamer he also knows the position to push to get the game out and a thanks to placed it decrease back in.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your loss Nikki. It sounds like you are (rightfully) feeling devastated by the loss of your child. But there's more going on ...

It sounds like you are suffering from Post Partum Depression too - that's probably part of the reason behind the amplification of your feelings of guilt and overwhelm. You are likely hormonally off a little, which certainly doesn't help you feel any more stable. I agree with others who say you should seek psychiatric help for yourself. But there may be some other things you can think about that can help ...

Advice: Allow hubby to take time to grieve too, which may mean not trying to have another baby right away. Men grieve differently often times. It may be that FOR NOW he doesn't want to risk you getting pregnant again and losing another child because of the fear of going through this again. Trust me, he's probably grieving too, it just might not be as obvious. So don't alienate him, but lean on him for support. You two need each other right now. And don't assume he is PERMANENTLY against having another child. He probably needs some time to sort things out. Your loss of baby is fresh in his mind and heart too.

Also, I hope you will see a psychiatrist BEFORE you make any firm decision to go off your birth control: He sounds like he really loves you (After all, he suggested, against his fears, to have you go off birth control). But I doubt you want him to end up resenting you for feeling forced into it, so I recommend you stay on the birth control until you've both moved through your grief some more.

And it may be irritating to hear this now, but having a child is not the only way you will ever feel fulfilled or happy again. It just feels that way now.

Here's wishing you the best. Make an appointment for the psychiatrist right away, and hang in there, it'll get much better. You will get through this, REALLY!

Answer 9

I'm gonna pray for you, just wanted to tell you that first. Don't bring an innocent baby into this situation. You can end up losing your husband if he doesn't want a baby right now and he feels you're forcing him into parenthood. You need to go to a therapist. They can give you more help than anyone answering this question. Once you get help for yourself, then you can talk to your husband about another child. He might feel it's too soon for another baby. You both need to tell each other how you feel. Maybe if you get better, he will see that you are capable of raising a baby. At this point, I don't think it's safe for you to get pregnant. You are depressed and need to get help and start taking care of yourself before you decide you can take care of another person. I hope you get better and that you and your husband have lots of children in the future, when you are better and when you both want them. You are in my prayers.

Answer 10

Now may not be the right time for either of you. It sounds as if you both still have some issues to work through regarding the loss of your baby. He may be scared the same thing will happen again and he's not ready to deal with it. You really need to respect his feelings and give him the time he needs to grieve. You also need some more time to finish the grieving process and get yourself some professional help and meds for depression. Do you think getting pregnant now will help you feel less suicidal or depressed? It won't. And you can't take meds for depression while you are pregnant. Please, please rethink this decision carefully. Niether of you are ready now. You need to take care of yourself in order to care for a child. Get mentally healthy first. A baby won't do that for you now, it will only make matters worse for you and your husband. Good Luck and I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 11

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your child. If you are that depressed, you really need to seek counseling.

I am sure that your husband understands what it is that you want. I am sure he can see it otherwise he wouldn't have told you to not take the pill anymore.

He probably is not quite ready for another baby yet. He is probably just as traumatized as you are, he is just handling it in a different way.

Both of you should go to counseling and learn to cope with the loss of your baby

My heart goes out to you.