i can't decide if i should add something or take something out or change it and it is driving me crazy!! so tell me what you think!!!:-)
I just wait for the days
To get better.
But everyday it hurts
More than ever.
I try to break my fall,
Try to find solid footing.
But it feels like I will be falling forever,
And everything just keeps on hurting.
And I wish that someone would see past it all,
That someone would actually be there
To catch me when I fall.
And that whenever I smile for them to see
That they would see through the mask
And realize that they are not really seeing ME.
And they think that since I don’t cry,
That everything is okay
But most of the time it’s not;
I just don’t know what to say.
So I hide the scars,
And the pain in my eyes,
I lock away my past ,
And I put on my disguise.
Then I shut down my emotions,
And push everyone away.
Because I hate the fact
That every time I start to care
I know I’ll have to watch you walk away….
2006-08-06 09:23:48 · 15 answers · asked by lifeistough_period 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
typical teenage poem, who writes about their pain of growing up.
2006-08-06 09:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by duc602 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really good.. Work a little more in your last Paragraph.. You should revised and cut some And, But, So .... It is a great Poem just need some minor tuning.... Oh It will be great to come up with a title and break it into different verses..
2006-08-06 09:32:28 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly,TX 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good.Kind of depressing, but very well written.The only suggestion I would make would be to try to find a different way to say the same thing in the last line, because you ended up rhyming "away" with "away". it's only a minor bobble, and doesn't take away from the overall piece.
2006-08-06 09:31:40 · answer #3 · answered by skovol_007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's ok, but I can see why it would drive you nuts. I would consider revising it. I think it's a really good start but it almost seems like it's missing something or you need to simplify it. Try not using "I" so much
2006-08-06 09:35:19 · answer #4 · answered by Poison80 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is alot of fact at the back of those words. I enjoyed it, in basic terms you will rather understand what to characteristic or what to eliminate, for the reason that i assume which you're speaking with your heart. save on writing, discover concept in usual issues around you. from time to time its the smallest of issues that brings forth the terrific of moments, nicely worth noting on paper. I write and that i got here upon that the older i'm getting, the better it gets to discover concept. sturdy good fortune to you!
2016-11-04 00:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's actually really good!
You must have relly felt those emotions, because I can feel the to just reading it. It sounds very real.
2006-08-06 09:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by NY Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds too sing-songy.
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2006-08-06 09:31:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats awesome...you should try and write more like this and make them into songs, maybe make a career out of it. i honestly think you could be a talented song writer if you keep it up....
2006-08-06 09:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by tron 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm Lovin it-Very ReAl***dnt change nutting
2006-08-06 10:10:09 · answer #9 · answered by Polly A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem ! Too bad your are such a sad person ?
2006-08-06 10:12:22 · answer #10 · answered by emileyepearl53 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋