which do you think is better, a bad relationship with ur mother or none at all?

Question

Baring in mind it is ur mother ur talking about, the bad relationship doesnt stem from who you are but the type of childhood she had. And on the other hand the bad relationship with ur mother is damaging ur relationship with how u keep ur friends and also relationships with ur gfs? not directly but indirectly

Answer 1

First off, I'd sit my mother down and tell her how much I loved her "no matter what." If she asked "why" I said this to her, I'd tell her the truth, that I thought she had it "unfair" growing up and that it was taking a toll on her now, but that she wouldn't have to worry about me, she could COUNT on me for love and support. Trust me, this support will maybe embarrass her, but the KNOWLEGE that you know the truth about her past will be a relief and that YOU UNDERSTAND her actions aren't always "towards you" but guided by her past will also relieve some of her guilt. After all, she does LOVE YOU and wants to do whats right, even if she can't always.

So, just your ability to be "wise" and generous to her may improve your relationship some.

Congratulations on being wiser than your years!

Answer 2

It depends on what you mean by "bad" relationship. How bad is it and can the relationship be repaired through counseling or any other means?

I say this because, I have not seen my severely abusive mother for 14 years and although for me, not having a relationship with her is much better than having the relationship that I had, I still feel the void of not having "a" mother. I just know it can't be "my" mother.

It boils down to the lesser of two evils. Which is better? The pain of estrangement or the pain of a bad relationship?

I don't think anyone should be expected to remain in a relationship that threatens their self-esteem or survival; however, this is a decision I would not take lightly. First I would opt for some sort of supportive third-party mediation.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't know your situation, it could be all from "normal" irritation about mom, to someone who is being used by a parent with serious mental problems or drug-problems..If it's just a normal "frustration", then be graceful; you're probably not the ideal child also..But, if you have REAL bad relationship-problem here, than it's better for you to draw back a little..
And this is how you measure it; if her problems are so big that there is nothing you can do about it; no-matter how much you try. When you try to help her, the only result is, that after a time when you're energy is all gone, you get problems also and her situation is not changed..Then it is OK to draw away. You can not help others if you don't take care of yourself. What's the use of you getting dragged down to? Someone I know had to draw away from a bad situation and this made his parent "freak-out" like expected, but then get professional help. Sometimes saying no is the best way to help, even if it's hard.

Answer 4

Besides all the wonderful things mothers are capable of, there are also the difficulties a child has in coping with the demands mothers seem to inadvertently put onto children. Emotional support is a big one, projection of their stuff unconsciously. Children are like empty cups being filled with anything their senses can get. In some instances this can end in you living the life your mother wants and not your own. Parents do the best they can but in the end they can be just as neurotic as the next person.

Distance yourself if you can and find who you are. Then maybe you can change your relationship with her. If not then remember this is your life.

Answer 5

Life is really short, when a person is dead your left with a ton of What if's. Don't live your life wondering a what if, Have a relationship with her and when things start to get a little unberable tell her you gotta go,or I'll talk to you latter. I know first hand when you have someone that has passed away if you had a good relationship with them your more at east. But if you had a bad relationship with them and never made your peace it will always hang over you like a dark cloud. Good luck sweets

Answer 6

I don't think this question can really be answered so easily as "bad" or "none." There is not enough information in your question. There would need to be so much more information before someone could even try to give an educated answer. Some questions I would have for you before I would even attempt to answer your question are:

1. How old are you?
2. Are you a male or female? (By your avatar, I assume you are male, but sometimes people on here use a deceiving avatar.)
3. What about your father? Where is he? Do you have a relationship with him? Is he still with your mother? If not, why?
4. Do you have relationships with any other family members, such as siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, grandparents?
5. Is your mother mentally ill or addicted to drugs/alcohol? Are you?
6. Do you have children and/or a significant other (spouse, common-law, serious relationship)?

And, there would be many more facets to this situation, but these are just some things I come up with off the top of my head, at this moment.

If you are seriously considering whether or not you should continue a relationship with your mother, I would seriously implore you to please seek counselling to answer the above questions and so many more, first. This is a very serious situation. I think that the love between a mother and a child is usually about the strongest love there is and I think you should consider carefully before you completely sever your ties with your mother.

I am a mother of two children ages 29 and 23 and I love them both more than life itself. I was 21 when my first child was born. My husband and I split up when they were 7 and 1 and I raised them on my own from then on. My own parents were only 16 and 19 when I was born, so were very young. My parents separated and divorced when I was young and my mother remarried when I was 9 and my brother was 7. Meanwhile, I have had my ups and downs all these years with my parents and my own children and sometimes have been angry at them and they have also been angry with me, at times. My eldest child, my son, and I were even estranged for about 4 months once when he was 27 and I thought I would die from missing him and not having contact with him. I wrote him a letter and broke the ice and we have been on good terms ever since. He was married last month and I am so glad that I was able to go to his wedding and be a part of his life and I swore I would never allow us to be estranged again, no matter what! I have a very good relationship with my 23 year old daughter, but we have had our differences, for sure! She and I live together now as roommates and, while I am "really" the boss because I am the Mom, she asserts herself well and I have to concede to her very often because she is often "right." Ha! I love living with her and having a close relationship with her, but try my best to allow her to have her own life and not infringe on her right to her own life and she has her friends and I have mine and we live as roommates who love each other and care about each other but respect each other's privacy and separate lives. We both work, but in modest paying jobs and so we actually help each other financially by sharing our accommodation.

Now that I am getting older, now just turned 51 today, I am constantly assessing my life and my relationships with my own parents who are now 67 and they are having age-related changes in their lives and I am having to face their and my immortalities and this is making me really look at things more realistically than ever. I hate the thought that they are going to die one day and that I am going to die and that I am not going to be with them and my children for eternity. It scares me. I want to be with them all as long as possible. My parents made a lot of mistakes raising me and I made a lot of mistakes raising my children, but I am so glad that we are all in contact with each other now and I hope that we will be throughout the rest of each of our natural lives. I accept the mistakes my parents made because I believe they did the best they could with what they knew then and I feel I did the same for my children.

Anyways, I just want to leave you with the idea that this is not an easy, cut-and-dried situation and you should evaluate your situation before you make a final decision. Your mother loves your, probably more than anyone else in your life ever will. Remember that!

Answer 7

I can really empathize w/you, I have been throught the same thing.
For years I had ups and downs w/my mother. Then I had my own kids and I realized that kids don't come w/parenting instructions, especially how to be a good one.
My mother's mom was Schizophrenic and abused her and her other 9 siblings by beating them. My mom was one of the oldest and felt she had to take care of her younger sibs and save them from the almost daily abuse.
I can't judge my mom, only to say I also had one nightmare childhood, and when I had my own kids, thank GOD I was determined not to raise my kids the same way!

I forgave my mom years ago for the mother she couldn't be to me because of her own childhood. The Bible tells us we have to honor our parents and take care of them. And that's what I did to the very end.
My dad died of alcoholism and cancer at age 49. My mom died 2 yrs ago of cancer. Know what? I still miss the lousy relationship we had. Because I was able to take care of her in the end, I learned to make peace with her.
GOD bless you and your mom. Hope you can find this peace also.

Answer 8

a bad relationship. no matter what is said to the both of you it still exists. now god forbid something happen to her and then there is no realtionship anymore. Think about this. If you stop talking to her tomorrow and she dies the next month. which would feel worse? knowing you still spoke to each other and at least had a realationship or having none at all?

Answer 9

I think that if a relationship is negative, whether it is your mother or not, you should end it. First though, talk with your mother and offer her a chance to get counseling or change her ways before you disconnect yourself. Does she know exactly how you feel, or do you just think she should know? Make it very clear to her what is bothering you and let her know that if she doesn't change than you will have to separate yourself from her.

Answer 10

none @ all! a bad relationship is a stressful 1, none at all is no worries.. my mother is a lowlife druggie. never around, payed no child support, did nothing but steal from her family. I NEVER WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER, SHE IS NOT WORTHY OF BEING CALLED A MOTHER.. am i off the subject :-?