I cant stand my 16 year old daughters boyfriend, and now she is preg to him.?

Question

my sixteen, soon to be 17, has this boyfriend, and he is a real ***. He is not allowed in my home, and now my daughter is preg to him... i will surport her of course, what can i do about the boyfriend, trying to forgive and forget, its very hard.

Answer 1

I feel you should try and support your daughter, the problem is you either have to accept her boyfriend or you could lose your daughter and grandchild.
I am not saying it will be easy.
16 is quite young to be having a child and she will need her mums support.
If you don't feel able to support her then you need to me making arrangements for her to have her own place to live when the baby is born.
In your daughters eyes her boyfriend is OK and you saying any different is going to fall on deaf ears. At 16 they think they know everything.
I wouldn't let my son and his girlfriend sleep at my house, he moved into his girlfriends mothers when he was 16 and he is now 23 and they have just had a baby.
I don't have much contact with the baby as they are still living at her parents.
My advice is to think hard you could lose your daughter.
I lost my son and there was no baby when they were 16 to think about.

Answer 2

Sounds really hard. The only thing you can do is to be there for your daughter and your grandchild. Support your daughter and be there to help her with the baby if she wants to go back into education or get a job. If this guy is as much of a loser as you say he'll probably not be around much longer anyway - that type tend to bail out at the first sniff of reponsibility.

I'm sure they'll break up soon, and she'll go on to find someone else. Right now your daughter and the baby are more important than him.

Answer 3

Right now this is something very difficult to deal with. You have to look at your daughters boyfriend and think will he have qualifications to get a good career and pay for the childs needs and will he be there every moment to make sure she is okay. Is there any chance he will cheat or break up with your daughter? You must take everything on board to see whether your daughter is making the right choice. If he's a bad man then i think you should talk to your daughter about it and discuss what needs to be done. Abortion is always an option for her and i recomend she does it if he turns out to be a horrible guy. If he is a decent bloke then like everything else you have to put up with. Learn to love him

Answer 4

Hi there, im not a mother but i am the older sister to a 17 year old, and i am constantly worried about her and her boyfriends, i know she sleeping with her boyfriends, but i am worried, only because i know what boys and men are like, however i do trust her and her own judgement, all i can say is that pregnancy is not easy and she will soon find this out,

as for the boyfriend i would let her get on with it at the end of the day she has to learn by her own mistakes, and if that means you have to grit your teeth, then do it, i have doneon many occasions, its hard but keep chanting, she will get bored she will get bored and eventually they do!!!!

Answer 5

If your daughter is determined to pursue this, you're stuck with an *** as your grandchild's father, for life.

Ask your daughter to tell you all of his wonderful qualities. Listen to her and, no matter how hard it is, don't give in to the temptation to correct her. Tell her that you're willing to TRY to accept him, even if you have to swallow your pride and bite your tongue in order to do it. Do it for your grandchild's sake, if for nothing else.

Give him the opportunity to prove himself. Discuss things with your daughter and her boyfriend and come up with guidelines of support that you both feel to be reasonable. For instance; he'll pay $xx toward medical expenses or diapers or get them a place to live by such and such a date or whatever. Make sure the guidelines are clear, reasonable and have some timeline or other way to determine if they are or are not being met. Stress the concept of RESPONSIBILITY. You are responsible for your daughter, but THEY are responsible for this child they created.

If you don't talk to them about what you are and are not willing to do, the potential for feeling used and resentful is much greater, making it harder to accept the situation. Let them know that clear boundaries are in everyone's best interests.

Be generous with your enthusiasm about the new changes, even if it's only because you're being blessed with a grandchild. It's far too easy to become so serious that it looks like you're unhappy and you don't want that.

I wish you all much happiness and hope you can find peace.

Answer 6

What is done, is done. You are going to mess around and loose your daughter over this person. You said that she will soon be 17, after that when she turns 18 she will move out. What is so bad about him that you don't like? I know you said that she is pregnant by him, well not to sound mean but she didn't get there by herself. Now he has to step up and do what is right for her and the baby they are going to have. We can't pick who we want for our kids to have.

I am very glad that you are going to be there for her. I know some parents that have turned their backs on the kids because they got in trouble.

But yes work with them and try to forgive and forget if you can, I know that it is going to be hard. I don't even like the boyfriend that my daughter has. He is lazy, I think he invented the word lazy, lol.

Answer 7

Well, for once I don't have much answrs for you, I am the oldest in a family of 6.

However, we all ahve trouble forgiving and forgetting, especially when somebody gets your daughter pregnant (althought I don't know the exact feeling but I know people who have).

Try taking your mind off of it and thinking about the good things about it, like you going to be a grandmother (don't know how that is a good thing because if I was a granddad (or even a dad) it would keep reminding me of how old I am) but I think you know what I mean.

Try finding ways to take your mind off of it if all else fails.

Answer 8

This is a very complex issue as you already know. Definitely always support your daughter and soon to be grandchild emotionally and financially. You NEVER know what the future holds. No one will look out for our children like we do as their parent. It's up to us parents to help guide them as best we can even if they make mistakes.

If you try to convince her of an abortion because she's young, chances are she may never get over it mentally or you telling her to do it. Yes, she's almost 17 but if she loves her boyfriend try, try to accept him. Unless of course he's abusive or a drug/alcohol user. If your daughter says she loves him, try to accept him and support their trying to work this out. You banning him from coming to your house will only drive him away. Remember because he's the father, he will be in your daughter's life for a long time from here on out whether you want it or not. After all as parents, we should want our daughters to be happy even if it means being with someone we don't like. Don't ever make her choose sides. It's not fair to her and you will lose out in the end.

Your daughter has her own life to lead and soon she will be raising a child. Be the best mother you can be to your own daughter and do all that you can to help her and your grandchild. If things don't work out for your daughter, she needs to know and feel comfortable coming back to you for support. It's better that way or she'll wind up in even more trouble and if the boyfriend does really turn out to be bad news she may stay with him because she has no where else to go.

She will always be your daughter whether this boyfriend is in the picture or not so try to always be there for her whether we like what our children do or not. You never know, having this baby can make her into a better person and the boyfriend into a better one too.

Answer 9

Why don't you like him? Is he bad to your daughter? If he is violent or cheats or whatever, then try to discuss the situation with your daughter and give her advice. Tell her that you will be there for her and the child and that no matter what happens, she won't be alone. You can't force her to give up her boyfriend but if he is treating her badly, try to encourage her to open her eyes. On the otherhand, if you just don't like him, then I think you will just have to grin and bear it. I think your daughter should stay at home with you, don't encourage/force her to move out because you will only push them closer together. Support her with the baby, maybe help out whilst she goes to college. It will help to have some qualifications behind her if she does end up as a single parent. Why don't you try mediation or counselling as a group?

Answer 10

Abortion is not the only answer there is adoption. There are so many couples who want a child and with open adoptions she could choose to be a part of the child's life to some degree. If not and she chooses to keep the baby as soon as the child is born contact your states child support agency and file for support. The boyfriend needs to take his share of the responsibility for this child also. Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 11

You better get used to the fact that the bf isn't going anywhere, especially since your daughter is pregnant. As part of supporting your daughter, you need to also accept her baby's father. You don't want the baby to grow up in a house full of discord and knowing that grandma hates his dad - it's just not right. Put your differences aside and learn to get along.