ok, perhaps I'm just being a paranoid mom, but my almost 4 year old daughter told me that she had taken a bath "with daddy" while on her weekend visitation with my ex husband. I asked her if daddy wore a bathing suit, and she said, "No.. he was naked, and he had that big old thing between his legs". My skin began crawling because that behavior seemed inappropriate to me. For some reason a shower with me (her mother) is more acceptable because we are of the same sex. Am I being a hypocrite? If anyone else agrees with me what would you do in this situation?
2006-08-06 07:46:12 · 26 answers · asked by devonrhunt 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My hubby took a shower with my daughter who was 2 at the time, and he was totally tramatized. My daughter reached up and did ding dong to my hubbys penis. He jumped out of the shower. My daughter was upset, because she didn't know what happened. She was trying to stick her finger in his belly button, but she was to short to reach it. She is 6 now, and takes showers with me at times, because I take a shower with her 1 yr old sister.
I think once kids are old enough to see the difference in the opposite sex, they need to stop taking baths or showers with them. I don't see anything wrong with taking a shower with the same sex child.
I would tell the dad exactly what she told you. He will realize that she is too old to get in with him. Once he hears about the old thing between his legs, he will be mortified. And hopefully that will be the end of that.
2006-08-07 09:49:32 · answer #1 · answered by sunflowerlizard 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was going to answer the question but I noticed that most answers were the "omg, how could he?" type. Is this because of the child's age?
I believe it is okay for a child, male or female, to take baths or showers with their parents, mother or father, until about age 2 no older than three.
I also believe it is not a crime for a father to take a bath with his daughter nor a mother to take a bath with her son. Not every family has a molester for a parent. We are so paranoid that we don't trust the other parent let alone ourselves.
I think the 4-year old is too old to take a bath with her dad but I don't believe he was being "creepy" "perverted" or that someone should take the extreme road of contacting some sort of protective service agency. Now that is extreme and uncalled for.
2006-08-10 14:47:07 · answer #2 · answered by Khandee K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't being a hypocrite. If your skin crawled trust your instincts. Call child protective services (or a similar agency) and have them open a case. They will professionally interview your child, while not allowing her to be scared about the incident.
A four year old girl should not be bathing with her father. At four years old one can remember lifelong incidents and circumstances. If anything, it was terribly irresponsible of your ex husband.
You need to call CPS, and you need to have a talk with your daughter about good touch/bad touch. Going to a bookstore/library and getting a book on the subject is the easiest way to have the conversation. That way she can get the answers she needs while you don't feel awkward and tongue tied.
Firstly call an agency to do a check and be sure your daughter is okay. Trust me, it is better for your daughter to remember as an adult that her mommy cared enough about her to make sure she was okay than for her to feel/remember that you didn't catch that something was amiss.
Good luck.
2006-08-06 14:57:08 · answer #3 · answered by YJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Aimee. At her age neither of you should be bathing with her naked. I have a niece who is four who already knows how to bathe herself in a shower with her mom just watching on the outside. If you feel she doesn't have these skills yet, help her but do it with your clothes on regardless if you're the same sex as her. If you had a son at that age, you don't think it would be unacceptable for him to do the same thing? Really contemplate that and then talk with your ex without getting defensive because that can just make matters worse. Good luck!
2006-08-06 14:57:18 · answer #4 · answered by It's a secret! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a frightening situation you are in. I totally agree with you I would be extremal concerned! And NO you are not being a hypocrite! A four year old is very perceptive and knows alot more than what we give them credit for. Ask her some questions, but don't scare her do it in a calm manner. Find out how often this happens, is there touching involved? Where does she sleep, with her or him. First I would confront him, tell him you will not stand for this and if need be you will call SRS. Make sure you call if she lets you know if there was or is touching involved. Good luck.
2006-08-09 19:06:02 · answer #5 · answered by mommyK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to ask your daughter more questions. Ask her is that the first time he has gotten in the bath with her ask her what did they do while they were in the tub and what happened after that. You are her mother and you have a bad feeling about something follow your instincts. I would say you, the father and CPS should sit down and talk so everything will be on record that way he can never deny anything that he has said.
2006-08-06 15:55:35 · answer #6 · answered by NINI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are NOT being a hypocrite. My fiance puts our girls in the shower with him but they are 1 and 2. There's a BIG difference in the ages of my kids and your daughter. He's trying to break our oldest from getting in the shower with him now because we both feel she's getting too old for that. I would have a talk with your ex.
2006-08-06 14:51:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that is creepy. Go with your feelings, contact your attorney and let him know what happened and see what your rights are. He should not be alone with your daughter. If he was going to bathe with her, he should have had a suit on. It is one thing to shower, but another to have a bath - sitting in a bathtub. You could also contact the police and see what they have to say on the subject, but start with your attorney. He might be able to get the courts to change the ruling so that he never has unsupervised visits again.
2006-08-06 15:24:30 · answer #8 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's definitely not appropriate at that age. I would talk to your ex about his behavior and how inappropriate it is. If you daughter recognizes something different, then she is old enough to NOT take a bath with daddy, unless he has a bathing suit on. If he still insists on this behavior, it's time to seek legal counsel or talk to child protective services about it, to protect your daughter.
2006-08-06 17:25:51 · answer #9 · answered by sbhb090896 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would immediately call CPS and not your lawyer. You dont have to have proof that anything happened, just a feeling or a suspicion that something is going on. Remeber that 25% of children are sexually abused. If he was creepy while you were married with him just think what he is doing alone. Stop taking a bath with your daughter and let her know its not right to take a bath with him. If she tells him no and he continues to do it I would move to mexico. There is nothing to drastic when it comes to your child. NOTHING!
2006-08-06 15:42:31 · answer #10 · answered by circusdejojo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋