Does anyone here think it is important to be a very stirct parent in this day & age?

Question

I feel that you need to be very strict from day 1. I have a 3 year old son and a baby that is due in Dec. My kids will know the rules & what will happen if they choose to disobey the rules. They will always know that they can come to us at anytime if they want to talk. And we will welcome it with open arms.
For example: We will not allow our kids to be by them selves to the movies, mall , dating ( as a couple or as a group) or just hanging out until they are 16 years old. Unless my husband, my self or another trusted adult is with them at all times. We will not allow them to have a cell phone unless they can pay for it them selves. The same goes for a car or anything else that is not needed.
As far as drinking, smoking or drugs are concerned. If they are cought. My husband will take them down to L.A. to the morge and watch someone being cut up who died from drugs, drinking or smoking.

They will know what is expected from them and what the rules are when the time comes. ( age 10 and up)

Just to let you know. My parents were very stirct with me and I never rebelled. What they said goes. That was it. There was no questioning it.

If a child is raised that way they won't know any better.

We love our son and the little one to be. We just don't feel it is right to allow our kids to do or be anywhere they want to be. We were not allowed to date or be by our selves until we were 16. And we turned out fine. Kids shouldn't be allowed to do what they want to do all the time. I can not stand it seeing kids alone at the mall, movies or just around town. As parents we should want to be with our kids. and enjoy being a family.

We will not allow them to have their own computer. we will have a computer in the family room where we can watch what they are doing and we will have a pass word on the computer that only my husband & I will know. So they can't get on when they want to.

I am a stay at home mom. And I plan to be until my kids are out of High School. I also believe that their grades are more important than their socal life. If you don't get good grades ( all B's or better) then your socal life suffers. You need good grades to get into a good college. college is very important.

Answer 1

I agree. There are so many kids who are not disiplined and it is sad to see how they act out in society.

Answer 2

I don't see a problem with parents being strict. I agree with the cell phone and car issue. I don't think the kids need a cell phone just because everyone else has one. As for not being allowed to go places alone. I think once the kids understand what is right and what is wrong and not to go somewhere with a stranger at about the age of 10 or 12, I don't see why they cannot go into a movie by themself, granted I would want to know what movie they are going to and I would drive and pick them up from the movie (unlike when I was kid - the movie theatre is not within walking distance with sidewalks in between). The can get their license when they are old enough, but they will have to pay for their own car. I don't want them doing drugs, alcohol or smoking. As for dating, I would want them to wait until they are 16. I think you have to be strict, it lets them know that you care about them. There are too many kids these days whose parents just turn a blind eye to rules that are in place to protect their children and then get upset when the kids act out. Good Luck with your children.

Answer 3

I dont think you are all that strict. I pretty much have the same rules but I do not call myself strict. My kids can hang out at other kids houses and have company here after responsibilites are met and when a parent is present. During the summer, 9:30 is the cut off for computer and phone. When your kids get to be pre-teens, you will see alot of changes and you will need to let them grow and become independent. Don't shelter them..teach them responsibilty.

You still have a very young child and you will be surprised how things will change as they get older. Right now, you cant determine the future and don't know 100% what you will do as they get older.

Answer 4

i totally agree with your, plan of dicipline.
Im 19 yrs old, my parents have always been strict. There were no negotiations, and i knew that.
Although, because i had all these rules, i was also driven to go behind their back. A LOT.
Theyve made me mad an infinite amount of times, to the point where i wished i had different parents. But now as i look back, i sort of, well I DO, appreciate it. Coming from a family who had values, respect, and education, i look so different wheen compared to my friends, my worth is somewhat higher.

about the cell phone and car deal. I think you should be more involved in that. it provides more control for you. you can set limits, punishments but all in due time you know/

I will admit that i love to drink and party, but im not one of those kids that stays out all night and curses at my parents. My parents are still very strict to this day. Its such a hassle trying to be so social when i have limits. (oh and they dont know i drink, they would be dissapointed)

I dont think that just because theyre 16 they should be allowed to do everythingtthough, should be more of a guideline.. DOnt ever tell your kids, you cant do this til youre so so age, all itll do is create this whole... Im such and such age and i can do what i want ideology in the future. each child is different, you have to handle each one in a way which you think is most effective.


good luck!!

Answer 5

We tried very hard with our son, but don't think we were strict enough and now we are all paying the price. My parents were very strict with all of us and we never did rebel. We knew what was expected of us and think we all turned out all the better for our upbringing. Where there times when we hated out parents? You betcha. Now that my parents are gone, I realize they were right. But don't make your kids too different from others. Remember. Unconditional love does not mean no discipline. You sound like good parents. As far as the drinking and drugs go, taking them to a morgue or jail or anything of that nature will not affect them if they are into those addictions. Trust me. We did the let's go see the jail thing. They don't think it will ever happen to them. Even after they have lost someone dear to them. All I say is from experience.

Answer 6

OH yeah we started them out young they are 15-boy 12-girl 6-girl they know there place and thats that they aree allowed to do things they like but say going to a resterant and it is time ti behave (i tell them did you see a sign out front that said chucky cheese) most everyone compliments me on there behaveir there is a time and place for everything my son starts drivers ed tomorrow morning same will go do as i ask and there is no limit for you cut corners and brake my rules The little yellow bus is where youll be so yes start them young let them know the world does not tolerate ignorance and make them realize that there are conciquences for all there actions thru out life not just from you parents. And hey just hope for the best and do all you can there is no such thing as the word giving up there your kids mine are great still working on it though Goodluck its a hell of a world to grow up in now these days not like when we were kids take care of them and hopefully theyll do the same when you need it in the golden years!!!!!!

Answer 7

It is very important to be strict, but not constantly. First thing to remember is that you cannot be your childs friend or buddy. This is a mistake that a lot of parents make. If you are not strict with children and show and teach them the laws and rules of not just the world but moral issues also then there is the posibility of incidents like the Columbine School shootings and the like. As far as the other things you mention, you are doing it right, maybe with the exception of the morgue. I took my oldest son to a day in court where he could see how the law deals with offenders.

Answer 8

When I was growing up I though my parents were so mean. My parents were very strict. My next-door neighbor never had to work like I did, never got a spanking and did about anything he wanted to do. It’s so unfair I would say. I grew up to become someone kids look up to. I’m a friend to almost everyone in our county. I was a cop for several years and now have businesses that are a safe haven for children. I have never been arrested and the worst thing I have on my record is one running a stop sign. The kid next door has 6 more years in Federal prison. I rest my case.

Answer 9

Relax and take a chill. You sound a lot like me when I started out as a parent! Over the years I would say I have moved from "it is important to be strict" to "it is important to establish firm boundaries and enforce them consistently".
My daughter is nearly 17 and we have a great relationship built upon trust. I can trust her pretty completely, she's got a good head on her shoulders that I helped put there. She dates, and we talk about boundaries, and she knows she needs to keep her dignity and respect. You don't have to be afraid, and it sounds to me like you a bit are.
Also.......you're starting out, and if you're like I was (and I think you are) you think you have the plan all figured out and the details in place and you already have the answers. It's good to have a plan. Some parents don't. But be prepared. Life is going to happen and as you go along you're going to find you're making alterations to the plan just like they started tacking amendments onto the constitution.
For example.....you're pretty inflexible on the cell phone rule. If you had asked me 4 years ago about my kids having a cell phone, I would have dug in my heels and had a fit. But....some things happened. Cell phones got cheap, my daughter is now driving, and we moved into the country where we're not all 2 blocks from one another now. It's typical for us to all be in completely different places miles apart now. Guess what......in the last year we went and got a cell phone for each of us (a family plan) and pulled the plug on our land line. It's just as cheap and we're all connected. And you want to know the irony? It was MY idea! I got tired of worrying if the cow had knocked over the water again so have my son go check, if my daughter's practice is running late, if my wife remembered to pick up milk on the way home, etc. THEIR cell phones are for MY convenience, and my kids are responsible enough to not make roaming or peak hour calls. Having the connectivity with my kids has been a real stress reliever not a stress creator.
Mom.......relax. Have rules and boundaries. My kids sure do. But don't forget to go with the flow and love them and make changes as they grow. Your kids SHOULD change you as you move through life.
Best of luck.

Answer 10

it's real easy to plot your plan of attack now, however, it will all change! Being a good parent means first you have to be open to change- don't get too caught up in rules- you pick certain battles.also, you better be sure your husband is on the same page as you! Lastly-your idea of taking your kid down to the morge could do more harm than good-best assurance is to talk to them early about drinking,driugs, etc. you can be so caught up in the rules that your kids will never come to you with questions- they'll go ask their friends! And you know what kind of answers they'll get from them!!

Answer 11

The only downfall to that plan is rebellion. I also had very strict parents. The first guy I was allowed to date was also the guy that got me pregnant at 17. We're still together nearly 4 years later and we're happy. I had a 10 pm cerfew at 17 and I also was NOT allowed to date until I was 17. I think my parents would have made me wait longer but I moved out after dating my boyfriend 6 months. Who really knows though.