HELP please...! I would like everyone's advice?

Question

My problem is with parents that are doing exactly what they are supposed to do... being parents.

Now, before i explain any further, I am 15 years old, but mature for my age. I have always been honest with my parents and responsible as anyone should expect from a 15 year old. So why the heck don't they trust me?

The situation is, my boyfriend is 18, just graduated high school, and has moved into his own place. I have been dating him for a year now, and possibly many years to come, so this is quite a bit more than a crush...

you see, now that his apartment is his new hangout, I can't be with him there because my parents will not allow this. I think what theyre trying to do is protect me from a situation that I can't handle, but they don't know that I've already done the whole "totally alone" thing with him. He respects my limits when we are alone.

Might seem silly, but it's really important to me that I am allowed in his new apartment. But now, how do I convince my...

...parents that I am mature and smart enough for the situation? What would you do from both points of view (the parents and the teenage daughter?)

Answer 1

Well, as a teen/pre-teen...I just didn't listen. I'd lie and just go where I wanted to be with who I wanted ....and I ended up in a lot of bad places and situations because of that.

Now as an adult and a parent, I understand why my Mom & Dad needed to know all the time where I was going and who I was gonna be with. Being "totally alone" with your BF w/o any incidents, doesn't mean that a bad/uncomfortable situation will never happen. Especially now that he has "his own" place. I'm not saying he'd jump you, just that things can "happen" or get out of hand w/o either of you having any intention of hurting or stepping on each others boundaries. If you plan on dating him for many years to come, and it's not just a crush, both he and you can wait on being all alone in his apt.

If you wanna be able to go to his apartment, bring friends. Once your parents get used to the idea of you hanging out there they might relax a little and let you go 'unsupervised' once in a while. An even better idea is to have your BF go to your house so your parents can get to know him better. Maybe when/if they see that he's a decent stand-up trustworthy kinda guy, they won't mind you going over to his place. :)

Listen to your parents. More often than not their instincts on people and situations are right. I know all about being 15 and mature. ^_^ Now here I am at 26, married (we've been together for 11 years) w/ 3 kids. I'm happy, but I wish sometimes I hadn't been in such a hurry to grow up.

Answer 2

As a parent of 2 daughters, and as a brother of 2 younger sisters, there is NO way in hell I would ever allow my 15 year old to stay over at her boyfriends apartment.

First off, I don't care how mature you are, and I am glad he respects your boundaries, but to be truthful, now that he is 18, what he is doing is called lewd and lascivious acts on a minor. This is a felony.

I understand you have dated for a while, but the truth is, the lives of an 18 year old and 15 year old are worlds apart. You may not want to hear that, but it's true. If you were an 18 year old woman, would you date a 15 year old boy? I don't think so.

I can't stop you from dating this man, nor can your parents. You are going to do what you want to do, regardless of my advice or any of the advice dispensed here today.

All I can say is, take a few weeks off from the dating and really do some soul searching and self introspection. If you are really as mature as you say, you will look at all aspects of this situation and then make your final decision.

Don't expect your parents to support you staying over at this mans apartment.

You asked for my opinion, I gave it. No sugar coated "You go girl" pep talk... now, lets see what you wind up doing.

Answer 3

Well..I have to agree with your parents..You are only 15 years old. Your boyfriend is now 18 years old, who has his own place..Go figure.
There's absolutely no adult supervision! Other than your 18 year old boyfriend. AND..with that said, why should your parents trust him and trust him to make the best decision as far as their 15 daughter is concerned?
The fact of the matter, this boy is 18 years old (he's grown), and again has his own place. Practically, a bachelor's pad...He's living the life of any 18 year old would love to do, have their own palace, and God only knows what goes on there. Yes you have been with this boy for a year..so what..

Listen...I know this is hard for you to understand, and probably will not understand or respect your parents decision anytime soon. BUT..your parents are doing this to protect you. Perhaps 10 years from you'll understand. With that said...enjoy your childhood, once it's over, it's over. Your boyfriend will soon learn the truth of being in the real world. Trust your parents. If you are afraid of losing this boyfriend of yours, then perhaps he wasn't the guy for you. Plenty will come and go...One more thing..why haven't you told your parents about the "totally alone time" you have spent with this boy? Remember your say you are responsible, and mature..Going to this boy's apartment only spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e...

Answer 4

Hopefully there is no convincing them first of all you are only 15 you have no business being with a boy who is even old enough to have his own apartment and let alone being allowed to be there with him alone.And you say that you are mature for your age if that's so then how come you haven't told your parents about the "totally alone" time that you've already had, is that because then they will stop you from seeing him totally?I'm not sure why this is so important to you but trust me there will be more important things happening in your life besides getting to his apartment.

Answer 5

Just talk to them and tell you exactly what you just told us. You also need to give it time. You may have to wait until you are 16 and can drive yourself over there. You have to be mature enough about the situation and understand where your parents are coming from. They don't want their little girl doing the deed in the bf's apartment, or even being alone there because it points to the idea of you two getting it on. You are only 15. I was 15 and so was my bf, who I am now married to, and have been for 3 years, are 23 now, and we never had to go through that. We did break up once and I dated a 19 year old when I was 16. My parents allowed me to go places with him, movies, out to eat, etc. but I never told them about us going to his parents house, in his room, alone. They would've had a cow. It sucks having to deceive or lie to your parents, as if they find out, they will no longer have reasons to trust you. It's your call. Wait patiently and try to earn your trust, or sneak around and make them not trust you.

Just talk to them and share with them your feelings. Why is it so important that you go to his apartment, unless you want to be doing something naughty? You can always go places with him like usual and hang out at your place. Eventually your parents will see that you can be trusted and allow you the freedom to go to his place. I'd say maybe when you are 16 and are driving on your own.

Answer 6

Obviously you're not quite as mature as you would like to think you are, or else you would know why your parents wouldn't let you go to a 18 year boys house and be alone with him. Congratulations to your parents! To be honest, if you were MY daughter, you wouldn't be dating anyone at 15, much less someone who is 18. Be glad that your parents are this understanding. If you want to be able to go to his house, wait until your parents think you're old enough as well. Don't push the subject, or else it will end up becoming a huge argument that may end with your parents not allowing you to see the boy anymore. Why can't he come over to your house and hang out? There isn't really a reason for you to be over at his house instead of yours. I wouldn't do anything to make your parents trust you less. They probably just don't want their 15 year old daughter becoming a mother at such a young age. Oh, I know. You guys don't have sex, or if you do, you use protection. If you're not having sex, good for you, but don't be too sure that he won't lay on the pressure if you're at HIS house alone. And if you are having sex, remember that nothing is 100% fool-proof except abstinance. If this relationship is as serious as you think, then he will wait for you, and accept your parents rules.

Answer 7

You need to respect your parents decisions, they only want what's best for you. Take it from someone who has been in your place and now has a 14 year old daughter... no matter how responsible you think you are, your not ready to be in that kind of situation. Right now you won't understand this but one day when you have a daughter you will.

Have him hang out with you at your house. Once your parents learn to trust him (and I'm sure it's him they have the trust issue with) they might change their mind.

Answer 8

I dont know if you will be able to change their minds on this. I was lucky to be allowed to do and go pretty much where I wanted at 15-16 yrs old. Luckely I wasnt doing drugs, sleeping around, etc. This is probably what they think you will be doing at his apartment. I know you say you wont but how do they know that is true? Just do really good at school and at home and hopfully they will come around. Good luck, I was 15 once too. And I do agree that you can be truely in love with someone at this age. I was.

Answer 9

Why can't he just come to your house when your parents are there? Your dad knows what teen-age boys are like because he was once a teen-age boy himself. If yuo keep going over there things may go too far, and if you love him you would not want to put him in the situation of having to defend himself in court against statutory rape charges, because the age of consent is NEVER under the age of 16 for any state...and only a few states are actually 16. Most of them are 17 or 18.

Answer 10

personally i think its pretty ridiculous that everyone is worried that your only 15 and at the age of 15 say you cant be in love. you can be in love and do great in school at the same time. i do. my boyfriend is 20 and I'll be 19 in november but sometimes i'm more mature than he is and yet he can be the most intelligent person i know. If your boyfriend respects your boundaries and doesn't try to manipulate you into doing things you don't want then its okay. i would just lie to my parents about were i'm going then just go to his house. you've been with him for a year and you know him well enough. just because you lie to your parents doesn't mean something bad is automatically going to happen like everyone else thinks it will. your old enough and mature enough to know what your doing and what your getting yourself into. we know how to handle ourselves in the society that we've grown up in. if parents want to be upset with anybody it should be themselves for making the world a worse place than it was for them when they were our age.