How do I help my mom clean her house without her thinking that I am trying to see what all she has?

Question

I am trying to help my mom clean her house up. Every time I try to do this, she always says that I remind her of someone that is going threw stuff just to see what is there. I have tried several times to tell her that is not what I am there for. I am just trying to help her clean it up and that I could care less as to what she has. I know that she has some stuff hid. But what can do or say to make her understand that all I want to do is help her clean it up. We are going to be putting in a hospital bed in for dad, in the living room. We have to get it cleaned up for this. She really can't do all this her self as she had a stroke and is partly paralized. She is always right there when I am cleaning, no way around that. But the way she says it, ends up making me feel like I am snooping and I'm not. I don't want to hurt her feels either. She is 72 and dad is 83. She does want the place cleaned up. Can anybody give me any ideals of how to handle this problem.

I do live on their property in a travel trailer, so there for I am at their house every day. I am here to take care of them. I'm also 49.

Don't get me wrong, I do love my mom and dad with all my heart and wouldn't do a thing in this world to hurt them. I cherish each and everyday and minute that I have with them. And would never ever do anything to disrespect them in anyway. My mom has a very sound mind even after her stroke.She will speak her mind, like it or not.

Answer 1

Why don't you just tell her;
"Hey...I've got a job to do here! And that's cleaning up YOUR house! I'm not going to go through your stuff I just want to get everything arranged for another bed...SO!...why don't YOU tell ME...what are MY limits around here so I know what and what not to touch?"
Maybe that will make things go a little smoother. Maybe you can get some boxes and start boxing up some stuff for her that she won't be using and put it in the back rooms or something.
Good luck.

Answer 2

You may want to try to do what those shows on TV do, where they go in an clean stuff up. Suggest that you want to simplify her life by helping her reduce the clutter. Bring her 3 bins, label them "Give Away", "Keep", and "Garage Sale". Ask her to fill the bins, taking one room at a time. This way she makes the decision of what she wants to keep. Suggest that if she hasnt used something in the last 2 years, she may not need to keep it. Buy a filing cabinet with hanging folders for important documents, again only keeping that last 2-5 years. The key thing here is not doing it for her, but with her, the more interactive you make it the better.

Answer 3

Give her the numbers to some cleaning services and tell her she's an adult (which she is). If she's not going to trust you, better to show her what that looks like in practical terms than to just take that ridiculousness.

Hopefully, she'll come to her senses, stop being a ninny, and allow you to help. Sometimes it takes seeing a different reality for people to understand what they are doing to their loved ones.

Answer 4

i think the older people get the more stubborn they get. she knows that she can't get all of that done by herself. if she is that concerned that you are trying to snoop stay side by side with her while the work is being done. just tell her you are only trying to help. Maybe let her know the day and time that you are going over and let her know that if there are somethings that she doesn't want you to see she should get them all together and keep them so that you can clean freely without her worrying about you snooping.

Answer 5

Tell her how it makes you feel when she says this! Once you've done this - if she says it again, drop whatever it is you're doing and go to the phonebook and look up a maid service - when she asks you what you're doing, tell her you can't handle the accusations anymore and you're going to find someone else to help her clean up. Maybe then she'll figure it out.

Good Luck!

Aloha!

Answer 6

hon your mom is 72 remember this her mind is going let it go just do the house work for her be her baby and allways be there for her no matter what she says allways remember she is mom
also sit her down and talk to her about this problem she may not know your feelings also if she has had a stroke or to remember she has brain damadge she may not even realize what she is saying just be there for her and dad dont forget they where there for you sure it hurts but hon just ignore it mom and dad are old they dont think as a young person do's and remember hon strokes do do brain damage just pray for them be there for them
they are mom and dad

Answer 7

My nan had several strokes which lead to dementia. During this time she was very paranoid... Unfortunately you must continue cleaning up the house and ignore her.. Try to distract her by asking her questions about the past.. for example.. "ooh look mom who's in this picture.. ?"..

Answer 8

Ask her, "Mom, how can I help you clean your living room so my dad can have the hospital bed in the living room?"
Do not offer to clean any other room unless your mother ask you.

Answer 9

You mom is really distrustful and what does she have anyway that is so precious for you to snoop at. Tell her to look on as you clean.

Answer 10

Even if you do see her stuff, I think this to be normal. Someday It'll pass to you anyway. Don't worry about it and try to placate her, She should be happy that you are cleaning and stop bitching.