i met my gf online last april, fell totaly in love, quit my job and moved 1 hour away to be with her in oct. i moved in with her against my beliefs of living together. i got a new job in dec. i was married 13 yrs and divorced 2 when we met. after living 2gether for a few months i realize i love this girl and want to marry her, she is perfect for me, but part of me needs to be alone for a while because i've never lived alone and want to find out what its like and have no regrets when i marry her. also part of me knows its wrong to live together. i moved out and got my own place in may. she was very upset and still is although she knows shes the only one for me and we ARE going to be married one day,im just not ready yet. she is even more upset because we get to spend little time 2gether,due to my jobs (i have a side job as well). I feel I may lose her,she says she doesnt want to be alone, she loves me but shes not sure if I am really what she needs,she wants to date others. Any advice?
2006-08-06 05:15:07 · 16 answers · asked by Sue M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
she says whats the use of dating when we hardly see each other, and i chose to spend less time together by moving out. we see each other maybe 3 hours during the week and half a day sunday and i sleep with her about 2-3 nights a week
2006-08-06 05:16:30 · update #1
And your question is?
2006-08-06 05:19:14 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are doing anything wrong here. You were married for a long time, and now you want a taste of freedom. However, based on what she is saying, it sounds like she is having second thoughts. Maybe you should both take a brief break from the relationship, and see what happens.
Perhaps over time, you will both realize that what you have is very special, and come to appreciate each other even more.
2006-08-06 12:20:59 · answer #2 · answered by tiggerluv252000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The amount of time U spent in both Jobs, U may as well live 2gether the time U spend apart.
If U lived with her, she may Actually get 2 C U occasionally!
That's what's bothering her, I bet.
2006-08-06 12:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well friend.. even though I am not a experienced person, I need to say, don't loose this girl. And keep in mind that you can get time to be alone even you marry her,,,, like you want. But don't hurt her, as both of you are involved very well with each other.
And best way is, try convince her about your situation. But don't assume and take her granted. Otherwise may be you can hear something unexpected (expected! bad news because of your ignorance).
Anyways... life is yours and you are the best to judge for it... Best of luck for your decisions! And let me know if you marry her!
2006-08-06 12:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by Milind M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The equation is a bit wonky here. You see each other maybe 3 hours during the week and half a day Sunday. You sleep with her about 2-3 nights a week.
(So you're sleeping time with her is 3hours during the week and half a day on Sunday?)
I don't know, sounds like you simply want a hole, you're not looking for a real relationship just yet and she knows it, but you don't.
2006-08-06 12:24:53 · answer #5 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be yourself. See what happened when you compromised your beliefs? Your relationship suffered because you have decided to return to values you had before you moved in with your g/f. Be as attentive as you can. I'd certainly express to her all you have expressed here about living alone. Reassure her that you didn't just use your relationship to relocate.
Tolerate her dating other people. You know the old expression, "If you love someone set them free. If they return to you it was meant to be." If anything can be meant to be, you'll find out. In a committed relationship you don't get to call all the shots. There has to be compromise. You want to live one way, and she wants to live another. You want her to tolerate living apart, she wants to date other people because she doesn't feel confident about your level of committment.
If you stick around during the changes and show you are committed, she'll likely choose you. If not, you'll never know what could have happened. Risk it if you really love her.
2006-08-06 12:34:34 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LIfe does not have a CNTL-ALT-DEL button. You can not just restart things after you've already started. Moving out is a step backward. Your reasons are understandable, but it is the rare person that will let you start over in the middle of a relationship. That's the trouble you're finding.
Spend a weekend thinking how much this "living alone" is worth - its vastly overrated. Is it worth restructuring your life and hers? You're not in this alone.
2006-08-06 12:20:32 · answer #7 · answered by robabard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee sounds like the ideal relationship to me.! Absence makes the heart grow fonder! If she really loves you, she will be there when your ready. And good for you. You need some alone time. Life is to short. Enjoy life alittle before you start over. Good Luck Sue!
2006-08-06 12:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by ASTORROSE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's undoubtedly feeling like you've taken a few steps backward in the relationship. That's normally not perceived as a positive thing. If you want to keep her, you're going to have to really convince her that this is NOT a step back. It would probably help to set some timeframes to reevaluate, so that she has something to focus on. Otherwise, she feels like you're slipping away.
2006-08-06 12:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by beadtheway 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not. You need to be sure before jumping into marriage and then regretting it. If you two really have true love, then letting her date will make no difference. She needs to make sure the marriage is right for her too. Take it slow, and things will work out the way it's supposed to.
2006-08-06 12:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell her how you feel in a suttle way. tell her that you feel as though that part of your life seems to have been nonexistent and you dont want to have regrets throughout your relationship or later years of your life if this person truly loves you and cares about you they will wait for you until you have filled the empty space in your past
2006-08-06 12:21:26 · answer #11 · answered by jul324 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋