Should a 34 year old woman date a 22 year old man?

Question

What age difference is okay?What are the pros and cons of older women/younger men?Personal experiences with successful or not so successful stories?I have been approached by younger guys all my life and I've dated some.My ex was 3 yrs my jr, but there's a big difference in 3 and 12.My sister says that it's disgusting to even consider dating someone that much younger than me.I want to keep my options open, but I don't want to be foolish.I try to consider men individually and not put them all in a box.My sister says that I am step away from molestation.That's insulting.I have never been interested in a child but at 22, a boy should be a man and if he acts childish, I don't give him the time of day. My daughters are 11 & 14, so I have to be VERY careful about who comes around them and what his intentions are.I rarely date. I want a guy who is stable, fun, spiritual, sexy, honest and real, even if he is younger.Guys say that I look younger (20s) but I am not. Is 12 yrs too many years?

Screw Dr. Phil and whomever else that says that a mother should not date until her children are grown. I won't move someone in over my children but I do hope to remarry and have a happy relationship one day. I do worry about guys looking at my girls because there are sick people in this world. How dare you compare me with a pedophile. Pedophiles are sick people who pursue children. I love my children and I would never do such a thing.

I'd date someone my own age if he treated me well. I really just want to be loved, appreciated, respected, and desired. I also try to keep in shape and I would like a man who does the same. I don't like sticks in the mud because I am already conservative enough. I don't want a personality that is just like mine. I want some difference but we need to have similar morals and values. Of course, I would want someone who has goals.

Answer 1

You;ve raised a lot of points, and you clearly have your head switched on . . . so how about asking yourself these q's . . .

Do YOU think that 12 years is too much?

and

Is he someone you enjoy spending time with? (Forget about marriage as that is well down the line)

If the answer is yes to these then your next step is to consider the position of your daughters. Yes his intentions need to be non-devient. But you're not going to be able to ask him if he is here to molest your daughters.

What you can do is sit down with your daughters AFTER you have been ona few dates with him and explain you want to date him seriously, but you want to know if he is anappropriate with them. They are old enough to know if he is doing something 'wrong' with them.

If you go this far you need to have chats with your daughters at regular intervals in a safe and secure environment checking they are not receiveing the wrong kind of attention.

Please be careful here: if he is interested in you then he will naturally try to win your daughters over to like him. So gifts to them or a request to take them out with you (not on their own) shouldn't be misunderstood.

Your sister is wrong - 22 is nothing like molestation, so ignore her.

I know lots of poeple that have overcome the age difference like this (and greater) - just take the relationship steadily and things should go great.

Finally - it can be possible, if your daughters don't like him for watever reason, to accuse him of something he hasn't done, so perhaps you need to explain to him your concerns and don't place him in situations that would cause a problem.

Oh yes one more thing - your daughters are important to you, but you have a life also, so don't become a recluse for them, they'll be up and away in 5-10 yrs time.

Good luck - send me an invitation to the wedding!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with that age gap, if it was a 34 year old guy and 22 year old girl for some reason there are all sorts of excuses why that would be ok - this shouldn't be taboo anymore. I've met older guys in their 30s who are no more mature than guys in their 20s so I don't think it makes much difference whatsoever. I agree just be careful about how this may impact your daughters, I guess the distance will be there until you are comfortable the relationship develops into something a lot more serious that they need to be involved.

Answer 4

To me age is just a number, but you will find that people can be really mean and closed minded. I am 48 years old with two kids and he is 32 with no kids. It started out to be a very beautiful relationship, but there was an issue of children. He wanted children of his own and I couldn't have anymore. Then there was some reticule about me being/looking like his mother when in public. I'm not going to lie...I don't look old, but it's obvious I was older than he. Then when problems arose, being older with many years of experience and knowing exactly what I wanted, we differed in the way we handled situations. He finally ended the relationship without a word...because that's how he chose to end it. One day it was all good and the next day it was as if I didn't exist... Guys do mature slower than women. I'm not saying it can't work, but be aware that there will be some problems and it's how the both of you try to solve them that counts. I would definitely give it another chance if I could or should I say, if if wanted it...Good luck and I do hope it works out for you.

Answer 5

Go for it, girl. Nobody agonizes when a 34 year old man takes up with a 22 year old girl, now do they? Just don't expect too much in the way of relationship stability, and there will be oddments like who pays for what, and what do you say to a 22 year old young man, anyway?

Fran Liebowitz is a humor writer. When asked what she does about her lovers in the morning, she said, "They have to get up early to go to school."

But it could work out if the 22 year old is one of those achievers and has a career plan and so on. Otherwise, keep it light.

Answer 6

Im 35 my boyfriend is 26 we've been daiting now for 9 months, but boyfriend lives with me. My boyfriend has a very good heart an is very intelligent. Often I feel that I've made a huge mistake. I also have three kids 15, 11, and 9, They like him. But I come to realize the his mother and brother dislike me for no reason at all. I also soon realize that he is a moma boy, and when things get bad he calls his mom and brother, I'm starting to feel like I have a 4th kid around in the house. It seems that I have to constantly encourge him to make the right decision, and just to find out that he thought i was being a no it all. There's no family connection on his mom side when it is concerning me, im never invited or spoke of. I tried to communicate on splitting but he gets severly depressed and cries when I do that. If I could do it all over again I would have just stayed friends and had so much fun with him like before we've became personal. If I could give you some advice I would say have fun with your friend, do not cross the line. Remeber you have a preteen and a teenages, an girls at that. Try to search out your situation. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I agree with a lot of these answers except for the Dr phil thing. I am wondering though, Would you give a guy your own age the the leeway to be younger (in his actions and personality) that you are giving to this younger guy, because he is younger? If you are seeing a guy your own age, I'm guessing the rules for him would be different. I'm guessing that he would have to be more established and more responsible. Is that fair? Perhaps you may feel more in control with this younger guy. Maybe you are not the same person around a 22 yr old as you are with a 32 yr old. I think it's OK, and you seem to be concerned about the #1 things, your daughters. So, as long as he can be trusted and you guys don't act like kids around your kids, I say be happy.

Answer 8

Age doesn't really matter, but what do you have in common with a 22 year old guy? A couple years is not too bad, but in your situation with kids of 11 & 14, I would be careful. A 22 year old guy only wants ONE THING. I don't care what he tells you, he just wants in your pants. If you and he want to rock each other's world, enjoy it. If you want a relationship, I would look elsewhere.

Answer 9

I say never do more than 12 years either younger or older IF you are pursuing a long term relationship. In the long run, more than 12 years, there is just too many differences because of the generation gap, AND ... especially when you're much older, it might be a little on the "yuck" side.

Now if you're just interested in a fling thing, go for it. A summer romance between two consenting adults sounds good to me!

Answer 10

Old Woman Date.com

Answer 11

age should not be an issue. Its about the connection of 2 people but if both of you have problems with it is going to block the growth of the relationship. So take a step back and look if its not going to hinder your relationship don't worry about it. But if you 2 are just concerned with the numbers maybe you can re-evaluate if you guy want to be together because it may become a huge issue if you just keep building on it!