Engagement Ring Question?

Question

My girlfriend and I are pretty close to being engaged. Her grandmother left her own engagement ring for her. My girlfriend really wants that ring (just with a new setting)? My mom does not think this is a good idea and I should buy a ring on my own (I can definately afford to do that). My girlfriend seems to want this ring from her grandmother. Should I keep my mouth shut, or should I try to give her my own ring? Thanks in advance for all the feed back.

She does have two brothers, but her grandmother left the ring to her in the will.

A possible solution I have is that my girlfriend and I go to a jewelry store to make 100% sure this is what she wants.

Answer 1

The main thing is - WHAT DO YOU THINK AND WANT? If the girlfriend would like to use the stone from her grandmother's ring I think that is very sweet. You would be responsible for paying for the new setting and together you could design the new ring which would bring a lot of sentiment to the ring over-all. (you could add additional stones to the ring if you wish)

If YOU feel uncomfortable with using her grandmother's stone for the engagement ring perhaps you could convince your GF how important it is to you to give her something only from you and offer to have the stone reset into a different ring to be worn on another finger or into a necklace to be worn at the wedding. Offer to help her design this piece of jewelry and pay for it to be done. This could be the something "old" traditionally worn at a wedding and another sentimental thing to do with the gemstone.
This way she would have two separate pieces of jewelry that have great meaning to her.

As much as mothers mean well, the subject of your GF's grandmother's ring should be resolved between the two of you and no one else.

Congratulations on your engagement and pending wedding. Remember - it is YOUR wedding and it is important that both mothers remember that. The wedding itself is just a day.

Answer 2

If your girlfriend really wants that ring then you should let her have it. You can buy her a ring setting with surrounding diamonds and use her grandmothers stone as the center stone. You could also get really nice diamond wedding bands that would be just from you. Now having said that, I can understand where your coming from though. If you really want to give her an engagement ring that's just from you then you should speak up now and explain to her that you wanted to give her her special ring. And find out why she wants her grandmothers ring so much. Suggest to her that she could reset the stone and use it for a right hand ring perhaps surrounded by diamonds, rubies, sapphires, or emeralds. I guess the big question is why she insists on using her grandmothers ring and would she be open to other suggestions. If it's that important to you then definitely speak up. When she shows off that engagement ring, will it bother you to know that she is basically telling everyone that you didn't give it to her. If your going to get married then you better learn to talk things out now. Best Of Luck!!!

Answer 3

Give the girl what she wants!

My then-girlfriend had an heirloom diamond in a ring that, if I'd suggested, I could have used in her engagement ring. But she really wanted a ruby instead of a diamond. So I got her... what she wanted. We're going to use the old diamond in a necklace or something because... it's what she wants! (I've only been married seven months, but I'm well-trained.)

Seriously... let's say you get her a brand new ring. Yes, she'll love it. But if it ever comes up, and she says, "So, sweetheart, just curious why you didn't use the stone from Grandma's ring?" and you answer "Well, my Mom didn't think it was a good idea." How do you think the rest of that conversation is going to go? And if she really felt strongly about wanting that bit of family history as part of her wedding and marriage, do you really want her resenting her new mother-in-law, even if it's just very, very slightly? There's no upside in it for you, I promise.

I think it's great that you're ready and willing to start from scratch, but like another one of the answerers, I'd say you should take that readiness and get another piece of jewelry (or better yet, store it up and use it toward a down payment on a house!). Your new wife will appreciate that you took the hint about the heirloom piece, whatever you do with the money you would have spent on a new stone.

Answer 4

First of all starting out this way as in keeping your mouth shut is wrong. Marriage is about communication right? Your Mom is so completely right on so many levels. You can concede on wedding details, honeymoon etc. but this is the one part where it is all about the guy presenting the ring and saying "marry me". Now a guy can get a ring from his family and get stones reworked and such but not on the brides side. You simply must buy a ring. If she want to get the other ring and rework it into something else fine but as I said this is the one detail where you have to make a statement. The grandmother and being from he generation she is will completely understand this traditional stance.

Answer 5

I guess your problem is trying to please your Mom AND your girlfriend. But really if your girlfriend wants her grandmother's ring, then that's what you should do. You could buy her an amazing ring, but she wouldn't be truly happy with it. No offense at all toward your Mother, but once your married, your wife will need to come first. And now, is a good time to start getting your Mom adjusted to this.

Answer 6

I would let her use the ring that her grandmother left to her. You want her to be happy, right? If that is whats going ot make her be truly happy than go for it! Pick out a setting tht the two of you really like. besides, planning the wedding is more fun! Congratulations!!

Answer 7

Can you talk to her mom about it? How else would you get the ring without her knowing? If you really don't want to use it as an engagement ring, what about using the stone for a necklace she can wear at the wedding, or use it to make a wedding ring?

Answer 8

well, how about a compromise? buy her one of your own and also let her wear the one of her grandmother got her, perhaps on a different finger or even the same? |MY grandmother dies recently and it hurts like hell, unfortunately I dont have a ring of hers to wear - shes very lucky. However personally I feel that ring was a token of her grandads love for her grandmother, and where it can be afforded and there's real commitment there, I feel - this is me, that they should do the same, when you're going through tough times (emotionally n a relationship) I feel you have to have something to look at and remind you of the good times, so you just dont up and walk out, you may think im being silly, but this is me, if I guy who can afford to buy a ring, whom I love and he loves me and we're committing our lives together - didnt buy me a ring - Id personally think he didnt give a **** and thought I was valueless, and was just going through the motions.and Id think he was a liar, dont know about you, but im on planning on getting married the once. As for him, he can have a gold band when we get married -Id insist upon it. Men generally dont get engagement rings - not traditionally anyway. Besides women are generally more ready and willing to get marride to someone once theyve met the righ person - than the guy is, so its also another way of showing his commitment. This is just me. Unless my guy was broke, im be really offended if he got me a ring that you needed the hubble telescope to view! I know that im worth it - and if he doesnt then he isnt the guy for me. Dont get me wrong it isnt about applying pressure or getting things, or having a big stone on your ring (although thats nice!). To me its how much do you believe im worth - to you, do you love me enough. Besides its also an investment - in me and the relationship. You seem a nice guy, hope your wife to be comes around. She could wear her nans ring on a chain around her neck??????

Answer 9

If that is what she wants, it obviously means a lot to her. Go ahead and get it reset. You can always give her a set of diamond earrings to go with the ring if you really want to give her something from you and only you.

By the way, I wear my fiance's grandmothers engagement ring. It was a blessing by his parents that I was the right girl for him.

Answer 10

You should absouluty give your girlfriend the ring she wants (NOT your Mom) this is the start of your relationship and somthing that is a daily reminder of you doing something you and your Mom wanted not your wife....I even think you should both go to pick out a setting so she won't be dissapointed, talk about it that is the best way to go....but let your Mom go.....this is a huge decisison and something you both will have to live with. Somethimes Mother's should learn to listen without advice even though they think it is helping, if she goes against her daughter in law now she always will....good luck.