just a general question about common courtesy?

Question

I am planning an event and sent out save the date cards in march. the invitations went out the first week in june. i included a self addressed stamped envelope with the invite and also a return card to either RSVP OR REGRET. do you think it is rude to not return anything when i had asked to say yeah or nay? i invited 253 people and only recieved about 62 responses either way. do you think this is rude or the way our society is going today?

i sent the RSVP/REGRET out the first week in june. I asked to please RSVP/REGRET by July 21st. The event is this weekend. I realize that people are busy... I am raising 1yr old twins for goodness sake! I know what RSVP is, but I had asked them to REGRET also.

Answer 1

Yes it is very rude, there is a reason people like yourself plan out things as you have done.


Those four little letters can cause so much confusion.

For one thing, it's French.

What does "repondez s'il vous plait" really mean? Let's break it down.

The "R" stands for "respond." Whoever sent it to you requires a response. You're lucky to be invited - show some class and get back to this person ASAP.

The host is spending money on food, a party room, entertainment and lots of other goodies. A miscount can mean disaster - not for the caterer, who gets paid anyway, but for the host, who gets stuck with an outrageous bill and then doesn't get to take any of the leftovers home.

The "S" stands for "if you please," meaning: Show some courtesy. There are two choices in your response: yes or no. There is no room for "maybe" as in "if my boyfriend is in town or if I get off work in time" ... "if the free makeover I'm getting at Nordstrom's goes well" ... "if the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars."

It's like a question from a criminal attorney: it requires a yes or no answer, no squigglin'.

R.S.V.P. rules
The Party Gal: Respond promptly, politely and firmly to invitations, for host's sake!

Answer 2

It is very rude and there is no excuse for it. I don't care if they put it aside and forgot. Society is definitely heading this direction. It is interesting that you included self-addressed stamped envelopes; that practice was actually started to solve this problem. I suppose people didn't want to pay to send the card back. Now people have gotten too lazy to return them even though you did most of the work. Most people who do this are people who have never hosted a large party--at least not a nice one.

I had a friend who, to prevent this problem, left the address of the party off of her shower invitations so that no one COULD come who didn't take the trouble to call her. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but it definitely solved the problem.

Answer 3

I think that in todays busy society it is hard for some people to plan ahead long term. They probably do not know if they will be attending until the day of the event.

Either way I would still think that the considerate thing to do would be to respond. I have planned events myself where I invited 100 people, only got 30 responses and then 70 people show up.

Answer 4

I think it's both. It is rude and will always be rude. It's also the way our society is today. Society is all about "me, me, me" nowadays. There are the chose few, your 62 for example, that still have integrity when it comes to social graces. Because of this universal faux pas, however, the Social Gods that be have allowed, now, people like you and I to make calls a few days before to confirm. We are now allowed to call and say, "I never received an RSVP from you guys and was just trying to get a final headcount." Good luck. I'm getting married in March - not looking forward to the headcount.

Answer 5

I think you've answered your own question in the title. Common and Courtesy. Out of the 253 you invited only 62 appear courteous. The rest are just plain common. Who do you really want at your event.

If you felt really strongly about this, maybe you could have written back to the common ones who didn't reply and inform that as they didn't respond, you have understood that as a regret and that it is a shame because you would have liked to have seen them. Imagine their guilt trip when you let them know their lack of response has meant their invitation has been given to another!

Remember - for your next event - you'll only need 62 invites!

Answer 6

It is rude to not return the cards, however I have come to realize a lot of people no longer understand the purpose or how to work RSVP cards. The only thing to do is call on the rest so you know who is coming and who isn't.

Answer 7

I think it is VERY rude. I just recently had a party. And out of the 70+ people I invited, I only got about 30 responses. People think that RSVP means to just call the person if you're going....it also means to call if you're NOT going!

Answer 8

Completely rude. I'm going through the same thing myself. Out of 40 invites only 8 have responded by the date of August 1. Looks like first thing August 2 I'll be making some phone calls...

Answer 9

yeah, i think it is rude. i mean, people are so busy they cant even fill out something so simple and already with postage. here is an idea, next time, say rsvp by such and such date. give them are a really long time to rsvp. by then, if they havent, assume they are not coming, and make plans for the amount of people that did respond. if they respond after this date, tell them, sorry, i have alreay booked the place, and our accomadations are for a certain amount of people. that is why i had asked for a rsvp by this date.

Answer 10

It may not be rude, but sweetie, a lot of people have other things in mind and might have forgotten about the return envelope. Do you pay your bills right when you get them out of the mailbox, or do you sometimes say, damn i gotta pay this bill. May be the same concept here, they might have looked at the letter but didn't wanna reply there and then, after a while they forgot that you had a reply envelope in there. Don't take it to heart.