Am I wrong to have a small celebration for my 6 year old's Birthday Party?

Question

Today is my middle daughter's 6th birthday. I don't have big parties for my children. But, we have a great time on their birthdays. I make them extra special for them. They get to pick what type of cake they would like and what they want for breakfast, lunch and supper. It is their special day. My family on the other hand think I'm terrible for not having a big party for them. I have a large family and honestly my children don't have fun with my spoiled neices and nephews. They are given what ever they please and they don't appreciate much. In years past my family will just show up on my children's birthdays and my kids don't have fun. It frustrates me!!! I'm tired of them ruining my children's birthdays without even being invited to do so. We are always very polite when they come we just really dislike it. If they show up today what should I do? They've been told that we prefer to celebrate with just us. How can I be direct without ruining my child's birthday?

Answer 1

First, kudos to you for putting the interests of your child above those of interfering family members. Your children are blessed to have you. They are obviously being raised to appreciate the important things in life. They have a much better chance to be happy adults than your nieces and nephews.

Have you ever thought of moving your small family celebration to a local park for a picnic? You could also try your child's favorite local fast food restaurant. If you're not home, they can't intrude.

If you celebrate at home, can you lock the doors and not answer if they show up? I know that doesn't work in some situations. Just remember, no matter what they say, you are entitled to celebrate your children's birthdays as you see fit.

Best wishes and happy birthday to your daughter.

Answer 2

It is not wrong to have a small celebration but since you are in a marriage it helps to respect their traditions too. I would suggestion that next year call your mother-in-law up and say hey! when do you want to get the family together to celebrate x's birthday. Grandma may even want to take charge and do the work for you! Then schedule it for the weekend and let the family celebrate your wonderful children! If it's at Grandma's you can claim the children's fatigue and get out after a few hours of "fun". Then on the actual birthday do your normal stuff with the special meals, special times, etc. I don't think there is any way to undo this year's fiasco that you have set up! It's important to teach your children that there are sacrifices you make for family. It's not always about their pleasure even on their birthday! It's not like they want to ruin their day, they just want to celebrate it!

Answer 3

The past 3 years I've had extravagant birthday parties for my son and it ended up costing me an average of 1,000-2,000 each time and basically because several people came that weren't invited, so we've decided this year to have a 6-10 children invite party only with no exceptions. I think our son will enjoy it more and so will we. Plus, the costs should be considerably less. I've learned that kids don't always like the big parties and I don't have to tolerate univited family and friends (we have about 100+)so I think parents sometimes go all out just to fulfill their own desires and out do the rest, but those days are over for our family. I think you're definitely doing the best by having a small intimate birthday, which seems perfect for the occassion. As for the univited family just politely express your wants and needs for your children on their special day. Adamantly, explain that you're glad their family but it's for the children and they've picked the friends that they'd like to be there and since you have to stay on budget it would be appreciated if they would stop by briefly early in the day to say Happy Birthday, but leave before the party starts. They should understand.

Answer 4

I really like the way you want to celebrate your children's birthdays. Those big parties seem to be all about greed and showing off. If you are really afraid of them showing up, make part of your birthday celebration a picnic or outing so you won't be at home if they call. Save the big celebrations for when they reach real milestones, like graduating from high school or getting married. A birthday isn't an accomplishment, it's just a fact. It's a time to reassure the child how happy you are that they were born and became a part of your life. The big overblown parties are often stressful for the birthday child. The overabundance of presents overwhelms and confuses them. Stick with your plan and even consider boycotting the birthday parties of your nieces and nephews. You are on the right track to raise children who are grateful, decent, good citizens. Don't back down!

Answer 5

Wow, thats a hard one, you don't want to alienate your family, but your children are your first priority. I would tell any uninvited guests, that today is "family" day and that you are doing something special with your children. If they feel the need to hang out, then I would pretend that you all were going somewhere. Or maybe you should take your children out to dinner for thier birthday to avoid any confrontations. Each and every birthday is special, but if your children are happy with your traditions then don't worry about it. You are here to please your children ( not all the time lol) not your family. You are not a bad person for not making a huge production, small immeditate family meals and celebrations are wonderful. It's what your child remembers that matters, not how elaborate the party.
good luck and happy birthday to the child who has a wonderful caring parent.

Answer 6

I never had a big party in my whole life growing up. I had a few friends over for cake (usually it was a croissant with berries and whipped cream) and then we played together. No real plan, just hanging out and having fun. There were presents too, but it was no huge thing. I never felt like I was missing out.

If they're showing up without prior invitation, what about changing venues so they can't find you? Be non-specific about where and when. It seems to me it's too late for this year, but you could try it for next time. I'm sure your little girl would rather spend her birthday with you and your family than have friends over and her cousins there to make it unpleasant.

Maybe you could have a birthday party after the birthday, when your family does not expect it, then you could invite your child's friends over without them coming to spoil it.

Answer 7

You need to do what makes you and your children happy. It is their day so let them decide. If they don't want the family there then so be it. My other suggestion would be to have a quiet day at home on their birthday and then do a picnic in the park over the weekend or something so your family can celebrate with them.
My son is turning one in Sept and we are having a barbecue at the park. That way the nieces and nephews can play in the splash park and playground and stay out of our hair. Keeps everyone happy that way...good luck!

Answer 8

What you do sounds awesome! Pretty similar to what I did for my kids. I might have done a few big parties for each of them but, most of the time it was like what you do. You should take off for the day so when they get there, no explanation is needed. This is your family and you have every right to celebrate the way you want to. As long as you and your children agree, don't trip about what everyone else thinks.

Answer 9

I think you're fine. My husband and I got married on a pontoon boat on a small lake. It would only hold about 35-40 people. That way, if anyone we didn't want to invite got upset that they weren't included, we could tell them how little room we had, and after all, the bride/groom (depending who was talking) had a large family, and we needed to accomodate them, too. Worked like a charm. We just wore shorts and jeans, had a sheet cake, made salads, and the owner of the boat grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. Even the minister said it was the most fun wedding she'd ever been to. If you can find something where you have to limit the number of people you're with, it's much easier.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with your questioning about your child's birthday's. However, this sounds like a lot of trouble and its probably too late now, but next time tell the kids there will be a separate party for them and one for the family. Let them pick out a place to have it at, such as the park, McDonald's, Jack-in-the-Box,etc..... they can invite their special friends and have two parties. One for the relatives and one for themselves with their own friends.............................(just a thought)!!!