My husband & I got married yesterday. We decided to do this while we could (both in the military) so that we can start building our lives together now instead of having to wait 2 or 3 years, which is what the military would have made us do if we waited to get married. We're both very happy and feel extremely confident and secure with our decision. However, a couple people in my family, mainly my mom and grandpa, are very upset and disappointed with my decision. Everyone else in my family, everyone in his family and all our friends are very happy for us, however it really concerns me that my mother of all people, who usually supports me in everything I do, is not. Would anyone have any clue as to why she might be upset? Do you think she has a right to be upset with me? In the end, I know that what matters most is how my husband and I feel; however this still bothers me and I wonder about going home for Christmas now. I'm worried that my husband might not be accepted into my family.
2006-07-06 22:50:14 · 15 answers · asked by Brookie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
we live in a different state from our families that is not within driving distance whatsoever, so even inviting any family memebers to the "ceremony" was impossible
2006-07-06 22:51:36 · update #1
Your mom is just upset that she missed an important day in your life. She didn't get to see you walk down the aisle in a white dress and all that jazz. Mothers really get into weddings. However, she will get over it.
Definitely still go home for Christmas with your husband. Maybe your mom could even throw a wedding celebration for your family to welcome your husband. It won't quite be a wedding, but it's something that your mom would probably be glad to do. It would be a way for her to be a part of your wedding. Try suggesting this and see if it will bring her around!
2006-07-07 07:51:10 · answer #1 · answered by Blue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may have had a little right to be angry with you if you didn't tell her before hand and give the same explanation you just gave us. If not then yes. For a mom her daughter getting married is a big thing. Not to say that it isn't huge to you, but for a mom it is the last time she truly gets to be a part of your life as "her little girl". You'll always be her daughter but now you are first someone's wife and perhaps soon will be someone else's mom. Inside she most likely understands you didn't do this to cut her out of your life and to ostercize her. But it can feel that way. (Assuming all the following is possible) Imagine how you would feel if your husband went and signed the marriage license for you. He told you it was to save you time and hassle, but wouldn't you still be a little upset. That makes it official and he cut you out of it. You knew it was because he was looking out for what was best, but it still stings a little. Same difference. You mom has been stung.
Offer this. Explain to your mom why you made this decision. Again if you have already and offer to have a real ceremony as soon as is possible. That way she gets to be a part of the last bit of her babie's life before she becomes a true woman. And you get to play dress up and have a party.
2006-07-07 09:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's anything like my mom... She probably just got her feelings hurt because she wasn't there to see you get married and be there for a special time in your life. My mom was the same way about my fiance and I going off to get married. But I explained to her that I didn't want all the stress and worry about trying to make it perfect. Plus weddings end up being soo expensive no matter how cheap you try and be. But when i told her about having a reception when we came back and having her help with that, she was ok. Most mom's dream of their little girls wedding. Picking things out helping find the right dress and putting everything together. Being right in the middle of it!! Try talking to her and let her know why you did things this way. If you decide you guys can have a reception for friends and family when you return home. And ASK your mom to help out with it. She'll except him and she probably already does. Just give her a little time to cool off and everything should be OK.
Congratulations!!! Enjoy each other to the fullest!!
And good luck with your mom!! It will work out for ya!
2006-07-07 12:33:22 · answer #3 · answered by luckygurl12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friends just got married by just going and getting a marriage license, but then they came home and had the ceremony. You can always have the ceremony later. That's really all your family was upset about. Families love to be involved in weddings.
2006-07-07 10:45:39 · answer #4 · answered by Del 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is probably just upset that you gave her no warning. As you said, she trusts you and believes in you, so try telling her that your sorry for not informing her of your decision. Getting married is a big thing, My mother had 6 months notice and still freaked out because her baby girl was getting hitched! But I am sure you mother will settle down soon enough and welcome the wonderful choice her daughter made to marry a sweet loving man!
2006-07-07 05:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by evilpoutyangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are just mad because they all probably wanted to be there and be apart of your special day. If it helps, then just have another ceremony and let your families pay for it. Tell them that if they want to fork over the expenses of a wedding then go right ahead.
2006-07-07 22:29:14 · answer #6 · answered by angelblueyes200 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom wanted to be part of your wedding. She's been waiting for this day since you were a little girl, an you left her out of it. I think that's why she's mad. But just to be sure, I suggest you ask her. Explain to her why you decided to do this without family.
2006-07-07 05:56:21 · answer #7 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's your mother.....you went unknown to her and got married....of course she's upset! I'm sure she had big dreams of you having the perfect wedding and then you went behind her back and did it on your own. Had you at least told her beforehand, things would have probably been different. She is probably hurt that you didn't even bother to tell her.
2006-07-07 07:26:16 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is because they feel left out, when people get married people want to make a fuss, decide on dresses, book churches etc.
But also to say "goodbye" in a way be case you are fully grown up, but i can understand why you did this.
I'm sure you know why your family are hurt, and they arena;t in your shoes and they can't see your perspective because they are hurt.
Give them time, you could renew your vows and get your family involved if that makes them feel better.
2006-07-07 05:56:01 · answer #9 · answered by JennyPenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try and put yourself in her position your daughter whom you love very much and gave birth to and raised went through the most important day of her life a day of which youve dreamt of without even letting you know or invited. she probably feels hurt and left out because it is such an important day which she would have wanted to be part of, she loves you. speak to her telll her that you didnt mean to hurt or leave her out and that you still love her but the decision you made was the best one for the position you were in and that doesnt mean you love her less or it makes her less important.
2006-07-07 05:58:14 · answer #10 · answered by Maritza S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋