What should I do about my sons who always quarrel?

Question

My eldest is so frustrated that his brothers don't help enough around the house. I'm in a quandary because if I side with my eldest, the others will think I'm playing favorites.

Answer 1

The chores should be equally divided according to age and ability. Anyone that chooses not to do their chores should be given consequences for their actions. These consequences should be set up by them. Make sure they are real consequences, and make them stick to them.

Answer 2

Call a house meeting and talk it out. No name-calling allowed. No shouting allowed. Just talking ... everybody gets a turn. Then when it's all on the table, start brainstorming for ways to resolve this.

You indicate that you might "side with the eldest" ... meaning you agree that the others don't do enough around the house? There is no "favourites" issue here ... it's a respect issue. If your eldest is pulling his weight and the others are not, you need to decide what to do to fix that. Your eldest could be feeling resentful of you for not handling it before now. Make sure you come up with a solution that's fair to everyone. (not necessarily one that everyone likes)

You're the leader of the family. Act like one. And good luck!

Answer 3

That's a load of BS who runs the house you or your boys. You let your boys manipulate you like that? If your eldest is doing all the work around the house, you should favor him, and praise him above your other sons. They just might get the hint and help out. If they don't your eldest son will at least feel apperciated.

The world is too full of EQUALITY. guess what the world isn't equal some people get to play around all day and party all night while their parents pay for everything while others actually have to work two jobs just to help their families put food on the table. You want to instill a good work ethic in your sons then show them that hard work is rewarded in your house. They will be better men for it.

Answer 4

Is there a dad in the picture, or is it just you and the boys? Quite often, in a single parent family, the oldest boy becomes a surrogate dad, which annoys the heck out of the younger kids, and places an unfair load on his back as well.
Have you tried having a family council, and talking about the situation before it erupts in quarrels? Find out what everyone's expectations are, and see how they can be accommodated.
It's a difficult situation, but you need to attack it pronto, because things like this can smolder and fester for a long time.

Answer 5

Okay, make a list of everything that you want them to do around the house. Divide that list by the number of sons, then when your eldest complains or argues with them you can either show him that he is wrong and they are pulling their weight or you can say he has a point you guys have not done this this and this...

There were 8 of us in my family (kids that is) it was the only way to keep track for my parents and to keep it fair.

Answer 6

Have each child write down his least favorite chore. If each child has a different chore that they hate, assign chores accordingly. If they all hate the same one the most, they have to take turns *starting* with the eldest. Write all chores down on slips of paper, fold them and put them in a box. Have each child draw out a chore until all the chores are assigned. Nobody plays until homework and chores are completed to the parents' satisfaction. Best wishes.

Answer 7

Have a family meeting and discuss the issues at hand. Post a sheet with names and chores/duties. Issue points for each chore. At the end of the week, give rewards to those that complete the task. Rewards for ex.-- extra time playing video games, $$,time with friends, whatever is important to them. If they don't complete they get to hang out/or assist mom and dad all weekend Also, get them in to an after school activity, that will help,less quarreling.

Answer 8

Get a grip Mom. Who's in charge? Right is right. If the two younger boys aren't holding up their end of the log then you and Dad have to come down on the side of right.
If you're a single parent then there's a little different dynamic at play but the bottom line is the same. One plus one is two. Everyone's in the household together and everyone has responsibilities.
One of your jobs as Mom is to make sure everyone handles their responsibility.
In the set of circumstances you've described there's no favorites! There's right and wrong! and shirking ones responsibilities is wrong, Period!

Answer 9

Well, as a tackful mother you should deligate the household work perhaps like having a roster and talk to them more about sharing and life being brothers. Perhaps you can even tell them that when they become adult they would not have this chance to be together under the same roof or compare to some family who has tragically lost their siblings. Tell them that while they can, they should treasure this brotherhood. Actually it is part of growing up pains among siblings so as a parent you must be very sensitive to every issue that may arise.

Answer 10

Then since your the mom ,you should be giving house chores
not your son, this way everybody has something to clean. This way your other son is not taking advantage of your other son. He knows he'll clean so he thinks why should I my brother is already
doing it for me or my mom will take over. Get his butt off the
couch and get him motivated. It's not fair one cleans and the other gets away with it. I"m talking from experience. My second two
the oldest was always complaining about his brother. But I stopped him from sneaking out the house. I Stopped giving him
Allowance. I also told him since he wants to be lazy then when his birthday comes Dec. 06, he will have to get a job and move out NO!! BUTTS!! My son moved out and now I just need the
17yr. old to move out. When he turns 18 soon.

Answer 11

If your eldest is correct, then there is nothing wrong with supporting his view. What you are doing is rewarding him for his maturity and sense of responsibility. That's the way the younger ones will learn. If they want the same support, they can step up to the plate and help out. It will be the same way when they grow up. Recognition needs to be earned and those who earned it reap the rewards. Siblings of different ages shouldn't be treated all the same. With age and accepting responsibilities comes privileges.