Girl Problem?

Question

Ive been dating this girl and it has been nothing but awesome. I met her because she used to be dating my friend (yeah I know, but don't worry no cheating or anything like that was involved). She's been happy and things have been great.

Very recently she started acting kind of distant so I asked her what's up. She told me she feels guilty for dating me sometimes (because she used to be dating my friend- but he was a controlling asshole bf). I told her I used to feel that way too but I love having fun with you so I just got over it. I asked her if she's happy and she said she is, and she likes being with me. I told her there's nothing I can do but Im here for ya so maybe we should just take a break or break up or something. She never agreed to it and seemed hesitant but we pretty much went there. So we said goodnight and hung up.

Now of course I still want to be with her. I did the right thing right? What should I do from here?

Answer 1

From a girl's point of view, I'd've done exactly the same
as she did. I once had a guy tell me, "let's take a break".
I took it as breaking up - c'mon there's hardly any
difference - and started crying (embarrassing). The next
day he's apologetic and comes up to me going, "I only
meant taking a break to think about it through the night".
Well how was I supposed to know? I let him make the
decision about the relationship, but 'cause of some
communication problems, it didn't really last.

Point is, make sure she knows exactly what you think (and
want), she'll be comforted to know that. It's also good
that you gave her space and freedom to make a decision.
But sometimes a girl needs direction and security
(however cliche). Be a man, take a stance, but ultimately,
communicate well and make a decision together!

Answer 2

Girls are programmed to feel that way if.. and if.. they came from a relationship you describes sometimes people (dont ask me why but sometimes this is a sad truth) need to.. be put down out of ... well for lack of better word its what they grew up in. Though this is something of an issue with her.. you cant change it if thats the case.

The fact you two have had an awsome time might actually be compounding the issue... Fun and happyness to unhappy people will feel undeserved. The only thing you can do is.. fight for what you know is right.. you tell her that the past is something you left behind and if she was to have any happyness at all shes look forward and only to the presant for happyness.

Breaking up wont feel any better then being with you or being back with him in her life until she realises.. pas is literally.. just a thing you cant change.. and just look at.

Answer 3

It was incredibly sweet of you to concider how she was feeling about your relationship. There is nothing wrong with dating a friend's ex, especially if he was not good to her. As for doing the right thing, as long as its what you thought was best, then there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with what you did. Give her some space and some time. A week or two. Then call her and as if she would like to "hang out". Notice the casual "hang out". You will most likely have to start building your relationship up from the start again. But if she's a great as you make her sound and you guys are so perfect together it shoudln't take you long. Best of luck!

Answer 4

Yes, that was a very wise decision. When there is no peace (shown by the guilt or being uncomfortable) in a situation, that is a sign that it may not be the right person or the right thing to do. Something is troubling her spirit that is making her feel guilty. So time and space is what she needs to come to grips with why she has no peace about being with you. Let her have that. If she is who you want then just keep the light burning and the door to your heart open for her when she returns.

Answer 5

It's a tough situation based on what you said but time is the main ingredient here. If this is gonna last she needs time and you need to give her time to get more comfy with the whole thing. Some patience will do some good since emotions seem to still be in play from the last relationship.

Answer 6

you ****** up. i was in the exact same boat except she wouldn't go out with me because of her ex. now she doesn't like to talk to me anymore because i gave her some space. she has totally done a 180. i'm confused and she is always crying because of us. (so she says) you should get back with her before it's to late or else she will drift to far away. you already say the two of you were distant so more distance will only make it 10 times as bad. i hope your able to get back with her and the two of you are happy. IM me for more advice.

Answer 7

you agreed to take a break for a while, so once that in a while is over, ask her if she wants to get back or not... if not, respect her. if she's not sure.. talk about it. depending on this friend, or ex-friend, maybe you could even talk to him about it. be honest, let him now how you feel and see if he can forgive everyone. that might make her feel better. also remember, that might only be one reason she's feeling distant... there's usual more reasons she might not even understand yet.

Answer 8

you wait. DO NOT CALL HER! I REPEAT..DO NOT CALL HER.
Let her call you. what do people do when you don't call them? They call you! if she wants to be with you, she will realize it in no time, and she will look for you. You offered her a break, so give it to her. I'm gonna say this again, from personal experience..DO NOT CALL THAT GIRL.
If you want this to work, you will do that.
I am the voice of reason here lol..I've been through this situation, and trust me, I did not want him to call, I just wanted my little space for a bit, until I could clear my head.
YOu should be ok. No worries. Don't make a bid deal about it, she's a girl, and needs her time, so give it to her...she would give it to you...oh and yes NO TEXT either.

Answer 9

wow, very admirable of you to do that, take a break that is..huge applause. well, lets hope she doesn't go back to controlling asshole ex. I would keep close communication with her. Just check in to see how she's doing. Don't overwhelm her though. You did the right thing. take care :-)

Answer 10

To you, a guy, what you said was innocent, but to a girl what you said was "well maybe you should settle for me." You never let a woman go without a fight, never tell her she's anything but a goddess to you. I think you probably lost her already and you're in for a long, uphill battle if you want her back.