Why is being a stay at home mom such a stigma? Men, I'd like your honest opinions, too!?

Question

Let me begin by saying that I am not a stay at home mom. Recently, my respect for stay at home moms has upped a few notches, as I began to work a half day instead of a full day. I used to think I was a great mom - coming home at 4pm and keeping the kids happy and entertained until bedtime at 7 is not such a great feat compared to coming home at 1pm, feeding them and then keeping them happy without loosing my sanity.

The fact is that staying at home is harder than going to work. You have to be super organised, super patient, creative, able to multi-task, energized and more! So why does the modern world still think that a woman who does not join the work force is "worth" less than a woman who does? Why are women themselves ashamed at being a stay at home mom?

Men, I would be interested in hearing from you as well...

Answer 1

I would first like to qualify my answer by stating that I have the utmost respect for women whether in or out of the workplace.

I think it is a wonderful thing for a woman to be a stay-at-home mom. Studies have proven that that is the best way to raise a child. Unfortunately, many circumstances prevent that.

My wife and I have made the decision that once we have children, she will stay at home with them and raise them. Does that make her less of a person? Absolutely not! Women have in many ways a harder job... because it would never end. 24/7.

So, know that at least one man out there feels that stay-at-home moms are GREATLY under appreciated in the world.

Answer 2

It's a mans world? That's a bunch of bullshit. If it weren't for women, men wouldn't be around!!!

I'm glad that you're respect for us stay at home moms has upped. I am a stay at home mom for just 1 teething baby right now, but I'm pregnant with my second child. What makes it so bad is that I have a condition which causes me to get really dizzy and faint so I can't do very much. It's really hard for me to stand up long enough to even just make a bottle. So for me, being a stay at home mom is very hard, even though I only have 1 right now. I can't physically work, so I'll be a stay at home mom until my kids are grown and out on their own.

I'm not ashamed of being a stay at home mom, I'm actually proud to say that I am, because I'm raising my own child, instead of the babysitter raising my child.

I think a lot of people think that stay at home moms just sit around the house and feed the kids and that's it. So many people think that it's not equal to a full time job, but it is, without the paycheck.

Answer 3

I don't think it's a stigma, Just so you know, It's women that put this stigma on other women back in the 70s. Luckily I get paid well, so my wife doesn't have to work. Unfortunatly most of the time that's not the case. Half the problem in todays society is that parents aren't home enough, and single parent families(no disrespect) but it's hard for kids to grow up with an absentee father or mother. The same as I know everyone needs companionship but how do kids percieve a new man or woman staying over every other month. I am all for 1 parent staying at home weather it be the mother or father. At least then you know someone with the same values, morales, attitudes as you is raising you children, instead of a babysitter, nanny, square box,video games or their friends filling their impressionable sponge like minds with trash. I know my wife works harder than me staying at home with 2 small children, plus all the other chores, cleaning etc. I cook though (dinner) because I'm better. Then once every 6 months or so I try to send her on a holiday with a friend or her mother to escape the rigors of daily child caring. Then I get a full appreciation of what it's like to be a stay at home parent. Usually in bed 10 min after the kids. I find finding things to do with the kids is hardest, we don't watch TV because Barney is not raising my kids even for a second. So have to come up with games, activities, go for walks, swimming, read books etc..etc.. I'm soooooo glad when she gets back. Anyone who thinks a stay at home woman is worthless is an idiot.

Answer 4

i think it's partly because staying home with one's children doesn't generate a paycheck and therefore is perceived by others as lazy. laziness is not a good character trait so we try to avoid being seen that way.

what people who see it that way don't truly understand is that staying home with your own children is the hardest job there is. if you had to pay someone else to be with your kids, such as a nanny or day care, their time and effort with them is considered work and often comes at a premium. i know a few people (not just women) who paid child care providers more than they were earning at their own jobs.

if a "working" parent had to pay the stay at home parent the same amount they would pay an "employee" to do the same work a child care provider does, they might realise the value of their partner's efforts more. also factor in the fact that parenting doesn't stop at the end of a shift and perhaps throw in wages that might be paid to a maid, gardener, personal chef, child psychologist, chauffeur, tutor, etc as well. then pay time and a half for everything over 40 hours a week, double time for sundays, double time and a half for holidays... i'm sure you can see where i'm going with this.

when taxpayers pay for this in the form of government benefits, the stay at home parent is often stigmatised as a freeloader. perhaps if we could find a way to prevent abuse of the system without forcing women back into the workforce and allow them to just be parents instead, it might have a very positive impact on our youth and the kind of people they become as adults. that's an entirely different discussion though, so i won't go into it here.

i'm sure the argument will come up about kids eventually going to school full time but i'm just going to say briefly that not all kids do (homeschooling, medical conditions, etc.) but that could lead to a much longer answer so i'm going to try not to go there right now either.

there are many women who choose to be in the workforce after they have children. that's their choice and they should be respected for it but so should a mother whose choice is to stay home and raise her own children.

Answer 5

Let me start off by saying I'm a gay kid (18) who probably qualifies as a rabid feminist.

In short, I don't know. Part of the stigma arises from the dichotomous paradigm of stay-at-home mom versus working mother. That terminology really bothers me—I'd wager most stay-at-home moms are working at -least- as hard as the "working mothers." I really think stay-at-home moms should try to convince their working husbands or partners to give it a try for a couple of days so that they gain an appreciation for how taxing it is.

There's even more of a stigma against stay-at-home dads. In heterosexual relationships, he's viewed as passive, effiminate, and wimpy. What's with that?

Our society's got way too many problems with gender, don't you think?

Answer 6

It could be that some believe, since they aren't working, they aren't contributing to society. However I have a great deal of respect for Stay at Home moms. They are bringing up the next generation of business, private, and civic leaders. If they fail, america fails. I'm not saying that Moms who work are raising failing families, but I don't think that those types of families have as good a foundation of love and trust with their mothers. They don't have quite the time to bond and encourage their children when they may need it the most. As you said, Stay at home moms are formidible women, Growing up in a house with 4 sisters [me being the youngest] I've seen them dish out some pretty harsh stuff, but they are also the most caring, gentle, creative, and enduring people on the planet. But for those who may have to work because of certian circumstances, Love your children, and be there for them as much as you can!

Answer 7

they are only in ashamed in America. it quite normal in many other more healthy societies. That crap on TV is nothing close to real life. I personally just want my woman to be happy and work because it is her choice, not because of the money. I think many men feel the same way, but american TV doesnt glorify stay at home moms.

Go overseas, and that "stigma" become "culture". In Japan for example, most mothers wake up early just to carefully make their childrens lunch, very beautiful lunches called bentos. In America they there is no glory in that, but if you saw the pride that kids have when they unpack their lunches, you would then see the glory that a stay at home mom can bring to the table.

Is a stay at home mom more successful than say Condelezza Rice? Is success and money better than having a loving caring family around you everyday? You can try to have both, but end the end on usually wins out, and when you boss says work overtime, you work overtime.

Answer 8

Leah..It's good to see a question posted worth answering...finally!! Thanks. I am a "new" stay at home mom. I was a single mom to a 13 & 10 year old,so believe me I know that struggle! Then a couple of years ago I met my husband and recently had another baby. At first I was going nuts being at home but now I love it! I felt so guilty putting the other kids in daycare and leaving them all day with who knows who. I'm glad I have the opportunity to spend the time with this one. He is learning way more at home with me..

Answer 9

I'm a dad...

I work two jobs so that my wife can stay home with our children.
It is such an invaluable job...society has lied to us by making "homemaking" less than what it is. I don't believe there is any more influential job a woman can hold than Mom at home.

Why have children if you're just going to hire someone else to raise them?

Answer 10

The women I would like to marry would like to be a stay at home mom. There are two questions I raised about this. One is what my income can support. Will she be happy with it ? If so, I have no problem with it.
The 2nd is will she become bored by a lack of social life or interaction. Sometimes, even going to work (volunteering) can break up a slow spell in someones life or give them a broader social group to belong to.