is there a name for this way of thinking?

Question

i have some things, more than most but i just cant help but think i dont deserve it. i deserve death not life, i deserve parents that are willing to throw my *** out for doing poorly in school and waiting a year to go to college. desreved to have gottem my but kicked every day when i was younger. my parents should have left me to die when i was born when they found out i have genetic defects. i am weak, stupid, and unable to get along with people, i should be dead. all i have ever deserved is death! i should be dead,.

i dont feel like coppying and pasting to do spell check. sorry.

suicidal dont work. homacide is more likely for me.

i am a messed up pice of work

therapy has to wait till october...

Answer 1

Major depressive disorder.

Answer 2

I used to say all those same things!!!!!!!! And yes, I was so angry with the world that I was homocidal more so then suicidal most of the time.

Years of therapy and self help have made a difference, but not until I'd burned all my bridges and destroyed my life.

Please get help now, before you end up like me.

You mention genetic defects... you aren't my sister are you? No, she doesn't have the internet where she's staying right now, homeless in the back of a friend's store. Listen- if you have some genetic defects that's certainly not your fault. Rationally you know that- it's your heart that has to believe it.

Get on the websites for NMHA.org or NAMI.org, find your local affilate and call them for info on treatment options where you live. And do it now.... or as soon as it's daytime there. You deserve help and please get it.... I was always afraid to ask and thought I didn't deserve it. Now I'm old and I'm experienced with this- I'm telling you please do as I say, not as I did. And don't be sorry for anything. OK?

The name for it?- you're probably bipolar.

Please also read the poem desiderata. I'd copy and paste but there isn't room. You can get it right away with search, or I always do. (someone else said they couldn't find it- they probably spelled it wrong.)

Oh, and there's also forums on NAMI.org that you can write and talk to people. Even if you're not sure, you could get on the (living with) bipolar forum and ask others about their experience. You may not feel so alone, if you do that. Maybe I'll see you there.

Answer 3

I gotta tell you - you need to learn to understand yourself & others; there is an awesome website: cnvc.org - "Deserve" is an unhealthy concept.....you are judging yourself unmercifully! I hope you know, we all have genetic defects! You are just more aware of your own. You can choose to lighten up on yourself...sounds like you need some support. Alateen (if there is alcohol use in your home) is 12-step support; try One Day at a Time; Easy Does It; Make better choices; ask yourself "What can I do to feel better right now?" It is a good question; the answers are all positive!

Answer 4

I think that your neck is not aligned properly. When people hurt their necks in accidents or even at birth, it can create problems for them in later years. Do you have lines that lead down from the corners of your mouth? Do you have a hard time getting over colds, flus, etc? Are you tired and having trouble concentrating? Does your head tilt to one side?( Look at old photos and put a straight edge down the middle of your face to see if both sides are even.) Look in a mirror and see if a straight edge or level goes down the middle of your face. If you have more face on one side, your neck is out of alignment and the energy that runs your body and mind is not flowing properly. Go to an energy healer, preferably jin shin jyutsu, and get it fixed. You will feel great.
If you are also depressed, which it seems you are, feel inside your foot, just under the ankle bone. If it is almost impossible to feel the bone or is puffy, then you will suffer from depression. To fix this yourself, put your leg across your knee and hold your knee and ankle for several minutes per day. Do both legs. This will take some time to do yourself and natural healing takes a bit of time but you will begin to notice that you are happier.
Also study the work of Dr. Emoto about how words affect water. We are mostly water. Negative words make the water poorly formed. Kind words make the water strong. Say only kind words to yourself.

Answer 5

Uhh... It sounds like self-pity, if anything. I'm guilty of a kind of "auto-hate," if that's what you want to call it. I hate seeing myself on a homevideo. I've changed my name once (though, I changed it back eventually).

It is a better idea to be aimed at bettering oneself through being self-critical. I would take that over liking oneself too much. My aim is ever to be someone else, and not me, only because I'm so regretful of who I was as a child (a wild, wreckless, troublemaking kid). At the same time, there is a certain irony, because my ideas come from me, and if I hate myself, it may be because the type of person I am tends to hate oneself. However, I'll go crazy if I think it over too much, so I just leave it at that. I try to make myself better by not being myself. Heck, even cosmetic surgery is on the horizon for me. Just one step in a hierarchy of many, according to my ideology.

Answer 6

Depression? Oppression? Obsession? I'd all call it wrong thinking!

When I focus on my failings and imperfections I can get really down; so depressed. Missed opportunities, poor decisions, mistakes, people I've hurt; the list goes on.

But I can't live with only those thoughts. There is a bright side to nearly everything. Sometimes I just say a prayer of "thanks". Thanks for the beautiful blue sky and clouds. Thanks for the rain that quenches thirsty plants. Thanks for being able to taste food; to see; to hear. Look at what you have, not just what you don't think you have.

And good luck finding help and support. No one does well in this world all alone.

Answer 7

There are probably a few different things going on with you, but you need to find a way to identify and deal with these issues.
You really need to work on changing your perspective and focus on making yourself stronger. Once you do this, you will better equipped to handle all the little things that are stressing you out! Find some help.

Answer 8

No honey! Please don't think like that. Your parents love you and that is why you are here in this world. You have still not realized your potential. Be patient and explore what you really like and improve yourself. Living is much more exciting. Read books, listen to music, start talking to people and making friends, volunteer. So many out there need you help. You just haven't realized it. So don't lose heart.

Answer 9

You really hate yourself. This kind of thinking is put in your head by Satan. Know that God loves you and wants you to enjoy life. You can get help right now by making a free phone call to 1-888-NEEDHIM. Or visit the website www.needhim.org. You don't have to live this way. You can help yourself.

Answer 10

we are all different,and no one deserves to be dead,life is for living,many of us have defects,we have to overcome,but that dose not make us any less worthy than others,you need help,your thought prses is very negative,you are depresed and need help to become possative and forward thinking,instead of being trapped in the pass,the pass you canot change the future you can,i have been where you are right now,thats why i know you need to get help from your doctor straight away,but you must open up to him and tell all your true feelings to get the help you need,then you can start injoying life,dont dwell on your limitations,we all have limitations,rather dwell on what you can do,and turn your life around,life is preshtious please dont waist it,ill be thinking of you and wish you all the best on your road to recovery,good luck.

Answer 11

Rather than attach a name to it, it's more important to go to a professional and find a way to change your self-image, let more sun into your life, and find ways of enjoying the world - part of the world that is, the good part, not the bad part.