how do i learn to live with out the love of my life before it kills me?

Question

our relationship was for 5yrs after moving together for 3 months she just ditched me and left me holding the bag alone in our new apartment every night my mind replays so many things of our life and it won't go away. i am 43 she is 36 one thing that hurts is we work together its been 3 months and i cant get over this, we both have good jobs and have to work in the same department this hurts because i still love her even after she tossed me aside they say time heals but it's getting worse it's very dark and i can't see the light. i based everything that i did around her not expecting this.

Answer 1

OH SWEET HEART I KNOW YOUR PAIN. I DO. THE ONLY THING THAT WILL GET YOU THRU THIS (AND YOU CAN'T BE WEAK MINDED. YOU MUST BE STRONG) IS TO PRETEND SHE MEANS NOTHING TO YOU!

YOU WORK IN THE SAME PLACE. WHEN YOU'RE AROUND HER, PRETEND SHE DOESN'T EXIST. TALK AND LAUGH AND HAVE LUNCH WITH OTHER CO-WORKERS AND FRIENDS. YOU REALLY NEED TO PRETEND SHE'S NOTHING. I'LL TELL YOU WHY! SHE'S GONNA BE SHOCKED THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN OUT OF THE BLUE YOU COULD SIMPLY GET OVER HER!

NOW I'VE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE HERE. I WAS HEART BROKEN AND I WAS THE HEART BREAKER. AND I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I PRETENDED HE DIDN'T EXIST, IT WAS LIKE WTF SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE! AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME DAMN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO YOU HAVE TO JUST GO ON WITH LIFE, GO OUT WITH FRIENDS, DATE NEW PEOPLE. NOTHING SERIOUS, JUST GOOD CLEAN DATING! DRINKS OR COFFEE. JUST GET OUT THERE AGAIN! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR MIND OFF OF HER. AND DON'T WORRY IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND YOU ARE STRONG AND DON'T LET HER DESTROY YOUR LIFE (CUZ THE WAY THINGS SOUND SHE'S DOING A BANG UP JOB OF THAT) YOU WILL FIND HOPE AND LOVE AGAIN.

I KNOW IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT AND THEY DO SAY TIME HEALS ALL. IT WILL THE SCAR TISSUE WILL GET TOUGH AND IT WON'T HURT IF ANYTHING YOU MIGHT AND HOPEFULLY YOU WON'T STAY WITH THE SLIGHTEST ACT ON RAINY DAYS.

IT REALLY BURNS ME UP WHEN PEOPLE CAN JUST LEAVE WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A THOUGHT TO THE LIFE THEY'RE DESTROYING! BUT YOU NEED TO THINK, HEY DOES SHE GIVE A DAMN THAT YOU'RE HURTING RIGHT NOW?

DOES SHE CARE? HELL NO SHE DOESN'T CARE! SHE FREAKING LEFT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REMEMBER THAT. SHE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN! SO WHY ARE YOU CRYING OVER HER? CUZ YOU LOVED HER? CUZ YOU LOVE HER?'

WELL BUDDY SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE MAYBE NEVER DID! EVERYTIME YOU WANNA CRY, YOU REMEMBER THIS: NEVER SHED A DAMN TEAR FOR SOMEONE WHO WOULDN'T SHED ONE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T LET HER WIN. SHOW HER YOU'RE A STRONG MAN WHO HAS MOVED ON. BUT DO IT. DON'T GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION OF SAYING TO PEOPLE OR EVEN JUST THINKING IT: OH HE'LL NEVER GET OVER ME, LOOK AT HIM, HE'S ALL SPRUNG. HE'LL NEVER FORGET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE AN EX AND I FOUND OUT THAT AFTER YEARS AND YEARS AND I DO MEAN YEARS HE STILL THINKS ABOUT ME, HE STILL CARES. HE NOW HAS A FAMILY, CHILDREN. BUT GUESS WHAT! HE STILL THINKS ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'LL NEVER FORGET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. I SCREWED UP AND LEFT HIM, BUT IT STILL WARMS MY HEART HE'LL NEVER FORGET ME. SEE WHAT I MEAN. DON'T LET HER HAVE THAT!

TAKE CARE AND I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU GET YOUR NUT SACK BACK FROM HER. IT'S YOURS!!!!!!!!! DON'T LET HER KEEP EM. YOU'RE GONNA NEED THEM AGAIN ONE DAY. SORRY TO BE HARSH. I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TO CLIMB OUT OF THIS SH*T HOLE ALL BY YOURSELF. WE CAN SAY A MILLION THINGS AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS. DO IT!

GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Answer 2

We've all been there...in one form or another. It hurts. It is made worse by the fact you have to see her every day. Trust me...she did you a favor. "When one door closes, another one opens." Give yourself time. Try to obtain a position elsewhere. Face your pain head on and get it over with. Take on new projects or interests. Move if you can. Maybe a new roommate could help with the expenses and keep you company. If you know any attractive ladies that would help you, have them drop by the office to see you. It will show her you have moved on. You can't believe how wonderful it will make you feel. Although it won't make you feel any better right now; you will eventually see that you are better off without her. There are plenty of nice ladies out there who have been through what you have. They will understand. Keep your hope and faith and you'll be fine.

Answer 3

You've probably been told this, but try thinking of the bad times. Think of her bad points. Don't think of the good. Go out, and try to find another girlfriend. Yes, it would be a rebound relationship, but you don't have to get serious about the rebound girlfriend. But at the same time, it will help you over your ex. Then you can move on with someone else. It may even turn out to be the rebound girl, and that would be okay so long as you love her for herself.
It's possible that if your ex sees you with someone else, she'll be jealous and want you back. No guarantees though. You can cross that bridge when you come to it. You may decide you simply don't want her anymore.

I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 4

You survived before her and you CAN survive after her. I know it's painful right now, but there is a whole beautiful world out there for you. Stop hurting yourself by replaying old memories (should've, could've, might've been). Perhaps it would help if you changed jobs or just took some time off from work. Right now, you are letting her continue to hurt you even though it's over and in the past. You are being your own worst enemy...and you're letting her get the best of you (which obviously she wasn't deserving of in the first place...or she would've see that in you and appreciated it). Move on...there are so many wonderful women out there waiting for someone special. But you won't even notice them if you keep dwelling upon "the one that got away".

Answer 5

It hurts, i know and i am so sorry for what happened to you

Think it this way :-

The way she left you it doesnt seem she respected you a lot, and i dont think you want to spend your life with someone like this?

Try to keep yourself busy - do a new hobby, go out for a beer with your friends.
Go buy new clothes and maybe even a new hairstyle! So that you will get more confident with yourself.

You are worth more - and she doesnt deserve you, so just let her go because it will hurt even more.

If i where you i would consider the option to find a new job.

You might even find a job more interesting/challenging than you have.
For all that we know you might find even a better job than you have!
Just give it a go - you have nothing to loose
and a big hug & good luck

you will survive i promise

Answer 6

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
skrehmani Neil Gaiman quote

sorry for your pain....i'm there now too. we'll make it

Answer 7

I've been through this too. It seems like when we feel our own pain it is stronger than anyone else's. Just remember that other people have survived it and you will too! When I brake up like that it is best to find friends and other people to surround yourself with. Don't sit in the apartment. I know it's hard but get out and get around people. I also suggest changing jobs and company. That is a horrible distraction to endure everyday. Try to volunteer also. I helped handicap kids after my big break-up to keep myself busy; and after I witnessed their hard life it made me feel like my problems were petty.If you had one girlfriend you will surely get another with whom you can make great memories! Stay strong-we all go through it!

Answer 8

This will not kill you. It just feels that way for a little while. Toughen up!! Everyone goes through this! You are old enough to know that!! If I were you, I'd find a way to not see her at work,,Whatever that takes. Getting on with your life will attract her, { and others} to you, And help you get your self-respect back. Whining and clinging are repulsive. Not to mention, It's making you feel worthless. Get up and get on with it dude!! Good things are out there for you.

Answer 9

Sanford's spouse likely stinks in the sack. you may be shocked how mediocre some women anybody is. She likely merely needs some guidance. perchance the chick from South u.s. ought to arise for a 3sum, and then each and every thing may workout consultation.

Answer 10

you need to be your own person. not depend on someone else to identify who you are. after 5 years, you will seem like you can't be an individual. to go on, you have to find yourself. don't rush into another relationship. figure out who you are without her first.