If you have an adult child living at home?

Question

and he is doing drugs and you have done everything you can to help him but he won't help himself, and he is a danger to others and himself,
what do you do, where can you go for answers.
If he is kicked out of the house and he is on his own he will surely die. He refuses counseling and rehab. Is there anything that can be done?

Answer 1

Adult child? There is your first problem, he isn't a child if he is an adult.

Ok having used drugs for close to 20 yearsI sort of have a bit of an idea of what he may be going through, can I ask what type of drug(s) is he using?

Now although it is hard to allow a person to kill themselves it really is his own decission, and it is a decission that he needs to make for himself, he also needs to realize that whatever happens because of that drug use is his own responsibility and no-one elses.

You need to start thinking about what this situation is doing to you and your health because if it ends up making you sick or even killing you then it will be no help to anyone, will it?

Look in the end what you do is completely up to you and like him you are responsible for what you do, BUT you ARE NOT responsible for what he does or for what happens to him. Maybe you need to tell him how it is and don't beat around the bush when doing it.
Let him know how much it is hurting you when he does what he is doing, and if ther are other people or children involved then you need to start considering what all this is doing to them.

I stopped using drugs 7 years ago and it wasn't until I ended up in jail that I did it. I however didn't do it when I should of and so I lost my mother to a heart condition and with that I missed out on doing many things with her that I could have had I not been using drugs.

How do you know that he will die if you make him move out? Has he told you that? If he has thn you need to maybe call his bluff and tell him either he does something about his problem or he MUST move out. If there is other young children in the middle of this do you know what damage this is doing to them? Do you know what damage this is doing to you and your partener if you have one?

One thing you should know is nothing will change while he is feeling comfortable with his life and it is only when things are uncomfortable that people really make the hard decission to change or help them selves. I know it is hard for you seeing you are his parent, are you his parent?

Life wasn't meant to be easy and it never will be easy, the world today also waits for nobody and if you allow other people to walk on you they will, even if they are one of your children.

You need to make a hard decission and you need to do it NOW because the longer you allow this situation to go on the harder it is going to be to change it or do something about it. The decission you make might not be the one he is going to like but he also needs to understand that the whole world and your lives do not revolve around him and what he wants to do.

DON'T allow this person to destroy your life and the life of any other people in your family just because he doesn't want or care to want to change his self.

Good luck and if you want to email me just do it I will try to help you as much as I can.

Answer 2

I know this is not what you want to hear, but he is a grown man. It is time for him to make his own decisions about life. I think it is time for you to kick him out. Before you do though, tell him that if he is going to live under your roof then he has to obide by your rules, and the main rule is no drugs. If he can't obide by that then he is out. Once you have said that he is then making his own decision what to do. If that means he leaves, then he leaves. I know it is going to be hard on you but in the end it will be for the better. Once he moves out into the real world he will see what life is really about then he will accept your help. I am sorry that you have to go through this and my prayers are with you.

Answer 3

You would have to find a way to get it across to him that he is not only lessening his own survival; he is also being extremely selfish and hurting his family, while giving YOU his problem. People who refuse to take responsibility for their own messes are ducking their responsibilities ~and this gives everyone else the problem; but the rub is: ONLY HE CAN BECOME cause over his actions. No one else can do it FOR HIM. Getting him to confront THAT will be your hardest job: if you can do that, you will be on the way to this problem being solved: I wish you every success with your efforts. You might show him my response . . . .

Answer 4

Kick him out and let him fend for himself...He will learn, but you have to give up and hope that everything you taught him will kick in. Right now he won't change because he doesn't have to and he knows that you won't put him out...He won't die. That's what you are telling yourself to stop from putting him out.

Answer 5

Let me put it to you this way. If he's doing drugs in your house and he gets busted then not only will he go down but you will too. It's your house and you are responsible for everyone and everything in it. And you're not doing him any favors by enabling his drug habit. Let him know that you love him but he's not going to destroy your life as well as his, then kick him out. Tell him he's welcome to come back when he's clean.

Answer 6

Tough Love. You didn't mention how old he is but, make him sign a contract with you. Set down some rules. If he breaks the contract, boot him out. He won't die, believe me, but he would like for you to think he would die. without you bailing him out or making excuses for him, he will be forced to step up to the plate of "manhood", and move on with his life. Ill remember you both in my prayers. Good Luck

Answer 7

He can go to the Salvation Army. My Brother went through all family and friends (several times) and we all had enough of his ways. We all came together and decided to not let him stay with any of us the last time he screwed up. His only hope was the Salvation Army. He was doing well in there and graduated his 9 month class. Once he got out he conned another woman and stayed with her for 2 months. Once he showed his true colors she kicked him out and we all sill stuck to our guns and told him to grow up.

No one has heard from him in 5 months. It hurts me to know I turned my back on my brother but enabling him has never helped him. Hopefully he is not dead and is back in Salvation Army but there is no way for me to know. I can't live my life worrying about him while doing what is best for me. I love him more than you will ever know and wish I knew where he was. I am very glad that every night I go to bed that the money in my wallet will still be there, and the things in my house will not be gone when I awake.

It's not up to you to make him right. You gave him rights when you gave birth to him and raised him. He made a choice to do wrong. You will spend many days and nights worrying about him, but he's a man. Send him on his way.

When my brother found out none of us would take him in he was shocked. I thought the experience would change his ways. He talked himself up while in the program but after he got out he went right back to his ways.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest that you do what is best for you. Make him grow up! Let him go. Let him know you love him but can not put up with his choices any more.

I wish you the best and lots of hugs!!!!!

Answer 8

TOUGH LOVE

YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY! LAY THE LAW DOWN!

Drugs = Call the POLICE REPORT HIM.

Get him INTO the system. Court. Attorney. Therapy. Rehab etc.

Answer 9

You've raised him to the best of your ability but now is the time to let him decide whether or not he is really worth all the trouble. Admit him.

Answer 10

Cut his finances, car, and communications.

i'd still kick him out, some people just have to hit rock bottom before they'll ascend.