Should I still get married?

Question

I am supposed to get married in 3 months but recently I found out that my fiancee slept with a girl that we both used to work with. This happened when we first started dating about 2 and a half years ago and I don't think he has cheated since but it still bothers me. I wonder how it will affect our relationship. Please help!

Answer 1

Hopefully you two have talked this out and he has promised that was the only time he has done it. That was a long time ago. Trust you heart. He has to be a good guy for you to have stayed this long with.

Answer 2

You've got to accept the fact that your fiancee wasn't as pure as the driven snow before he met you, and just because he may have loved another before you, doesn't take anything away from the love that he feels for you now. Even if he slept with someone when you first started dating each other, I doubt you would've considered yourself in a committed relationship at that time. If he's a good man, then don't let him go over something stupid he did a long time ago. If you can't get over it though, you have no right to marry him, because it will very negatively affect your relationship. Good luck!

Answer 3

So did he cheat on you or did he sleep with her before the two of you decided to become exclusive? It there was no spoken comittment than you really should not think of it as cheating. It was a very long time ago. I know about the bothering thing. My finace is still friends with one of his exs, had a fling with a friend many years ago and is still friends with them, and messed around with one of his best friends ages ago. All the girls are married now but it still bothers me to think that these women who have slept with my fiance are going to be at the wedding.

It was a long time ago and way before he met me. In all fairness I am still friends with some guys I have slept with so its kind of hypocritical on my part. He has never cheated and I trust him completely. It is just something you have to get over. I came to this realization, I may not be his first but I can be his last and that is good enough for me. If you love him and you know he loves you and you trust him then marry him. Dont let a fling that happened three years ago before you were even serious determine that.

Answer 4

if he slept with her after you verbally let each other know that you were going to be a couple..then there is no misunderstanding that, and i think in that case it's cheating and if it's been on your mind and bothering you for years now then it will still be with you for your whole marrage to him, you'll wonder all the time if he is lying or actually being faithful to you and you shouldn't get married not ever pic a new person because that thought will always be with you... but if it happened before the both of you were verbally a couple to each other than, people can't read each others minds and he may have thought that you would never had actually gone out with him, and he was being a horney boy.

Answer 5

As it was such along time ago then i hope you have nothing to worry about. But as he has cheated the once then he may cheat again. Not sure on what you should do. I know id review the relationship. Talk to him about it and say its bothering you. If you cant talk about that then your marrage is not going to be that great if you cant communicate. If he gets shitty then that answers your next question on if he has cheated since, as if it is bothering him then he has something to hide. I dislike the fact that he has hidden that from you for so long thus your trust factor is on the rocks so id delay the medding until your sure its worth going there. In the end its your heart you and him are playing with. Do you want to risk this happen again and be in one of those marrages were he strings your heart and you along? Or do you want to take control of your feelings first

Answer 6

You will never be able to forget...it is just a question of can you forgive. It will affect your relationship forever, no matter what people say it will always be in the back of your mind. Now if you should get married is not a question anyone can answer but yourself. I stayed with someone for a long long long time after I found out he cheated on me...I tried to forget and I tried to forgive but in the end I didn't have it in me. It made our relationship go from great to good to bad to worse. It is only something you can decide. Good Luck

Answer 7

Did he have any kind of commitment with you at the time? It's hardly reasonable to expect a bachelor to act as if he is in an exclusive relationship when he isn't.

If you are so bothered and doubtful, are you sure that it's this one incident? Or is it misgivings about the marriage altogether? If you have doubts, better to call it off now. ... It's easier to call it off well ahead of time and then go ahead and marry (the same man) in a year or two when you feel more sure. Than to drift along hoping you'll feel differently, and then call it off 2 days before the wedding.

Answer 8

I think it might be a good idea to have several pre-marital counseling sessions with the clergyman that will be marrying you, or with a good couples counselor, so that you both can talk openly and with a mediator. A counselor can guide your discussions and help resolve any worries and concerns.Not only about this one problem, but pre-marital counseling is excellent for covering all sorts of things, like careers, personality compatibility, trouble spots, finances, family, etc. before you get married. It can be very helpful and a healthy way to start your married life.

Answer 9

so did he tell you or did you find out? if he told you then he was being truthful and came out with it and felt bad about it, maybe it took him so long to tell you because it hurt him and he felt bad for you. but on the other hand why did it take long for you to find out and why in the world did he cheat on you? oncew a cheater always a cheater!!!i think you should watch him and make sure you get counceling before you go to get married, if it really bothers you then let him know and they if he says it was 2 and a half years ago, get over it, then tell him well islept with someone now get over it. see what he says, in reality you know and he knows you didnt sleep with anyone but thats not the point, the point is, will he be able to get over something like that as easy as he wants you to get over it?turn the tables around and see how he reacts.good luck.

Answer 10

That is entirely up to you. Lots of things happen in the beginning of a relationship. No one knows right away that you might fall in love and want to get married. People make mistakes. If you think he has been faithful since then, maybe try and talk to him and make sure its what he really wants too.
It will only effect your relationship if you let it. If it bothers you that bad, then you shouldn't get married. You are talking life long commitment here.

Answer 11

honestly i thnk if u luv him enough 2 still b with him rite now then u should still get married. this happened like 2 years ago, n he obviously luvs u enough 2 tell u cause really he didnt have to tell u but he did. so just let it go n get married cuz u have him n she don't. n really thats all that metters. n u don't thnk he's cheated since then rite? just be honest with each other n talk about everything n always trust in each other. cause without trust what do u got?