How do I convince my Mother to move in with me?

Question

My Mother's health is getting very bad. She's in and out of the hospital very often. I worry about her living alone. My Husband and I want her to come and stay with us so she will not have to worry about finances or being alone when she's sick. She refuses to come and stay with us..It is impossible for me to stay with her. I have my family to care for..It is much easier for her to stay with us rather than me stay with her...She gets along great with my husband so that's not the problem. We have plenty of room and she would have her privacy. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

My grandmother was the same way. She spent the last 6 months of her life sick in her own house. I tried to get her to come stay with me but she refused. So what I did was went over to see her every chance I got and stayed as long as I could. I took my kids with me when I went. That seemed to brighten her day a lot. Let one of your kids stay over with her for a few hours or so if they old enough.

Answer 2

Just make sure she knows that the offer is open and let her make the decision. Just think how hard this probably is on her, I'm sure it is not easy for her to come to terms with, even though deep down she knows it's the best thing. Sooner or later she will see that there really is no other choice, unless she wants to be put into a nursing home.

Don't hound her, but be lovingly persistent. She will come around.

Answer 3

provide your father and mom a visit to Illinois in case you could arise with the money for it, so Dad can see what that is like down there. Then even as they both have had a strong time there you may want to ask about it back, yet you won't be able to pressure them to bypass. or maybe although your sister and her relations are utilising adverse mom, perhaps mom feels she has a duty to them indirectly. i wager all you may do is attempt to provide mom an extra vacation a year once you could spare the money, so she receives yet another dose of satisfied from you. perhaps sometime she will have the ability to bypass available.

Answer 4

I had a similiar situation as you have with my mother some years ago. I think the reason she resisted moving with me and my wife was that she hated to give up a certain kind of independence. She had stayed with us when her cancer doctor suggested she do so after a masectomy, and it turned out well. But she was anxious to return to her small apartment, and to her friends there--her friends were another thing hard for her to give up.

A year later, my wife and I bought a large home with two adjoining rooms set aside for my mother. She had a history of falling and had broken about every bone she could break, including both legs, pelvis, knee cap, shoulder, and had replacements for both hips as a result of severe osteoporosous. Through force of will she had overcome all of this. Then I began to get reports from her neighbors that they were finding Mother laying on the floor of her apartment. Luckily she wasn't hurt. Once she caught the heel of her shoe on the low rail for her bed and fell between the twin beds, she admitted to me. Also, neighbors were bringing her food because she wasn't going to the store or eating. She was 89 years old.

Finally, a year after we bought the new house with her in mind, and after she visited numerous times, we were able to persuade her to make the move with us. It was hard for her in many was. Although she had her own "space" it was not the same. I guess I watched over her like a hawk, worried she'd fall outside, and she soon gave up caring for her plants on our patio. She had been doing oil paintings on her little porch, but never picked up a brush again once she moved. It was nearly impossible for her to make new friends. A visiting minister from our church came a few times, but the one person she most enjoyed was an older friend of my wife's who came to see Mom frequently, and continued to do so as Mother lay on her death bed.

We had my mother with us from June 1986 to October 1991. For me it was not only a relief to have her with us, but in most respects a joy. The hardest part was the relatively short time after she fell and injured her spine, and her health decilined rapidly until she died at age 95. Trying to look after her during this time, even with the limited help that the local hospice could provide, was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. The sadness of her passing took quite awhile to get over.

The only suggestion I have is to be patient with your mother. It is a big transition to make. In time, as long as she knows you are there, she will make it. Share with her, if you will, some of the stories you get here. They might help some.

Answer 5

Just let her know that yto take care of your mom is the greatest thing you would want to do in life. Tell her that her problems are not only her problems but also yours.

Remind her of a situation 'when i was young, if you left me and stayed with ur mom, how wud i feel? Now, think wat wud happen to my family? Dont you want my kids have their parents around them?' Tell her. It should work. No mother in this world ignores the feelings of her offspring.

Answer 6

Try to get her to think you Need her in many ways( think of some)
and that you were just thinking how it would be helpful to you and your husband if she were to move in,(you didn't mention children)
Maybe they are too young and she can't handle their little problems...Mention how it would be fun to watch a movie togerther on movie night, shop together if she can. Have lunch together.......There are many things to think about.. good luck

Answer 7

My daughter says that just let your mom no how you feel explain to her that it is hurting you to see her in and out of the hospital that she took care of you and seen you on to be a better person and you want to do the same. she said that if you just let her no she will understand....

Answer 8

i don't c y she wont come stay w/ u....maybe she doesn't wanna leave her home...find out y...then try to fix it. give her good reasons for y she should move in w/ u..tell her u care bout her health and u can't stay w/ her cuz u've got a family.

Answer 9

Move her into a guest house or move her very very close to where you live...

I know..its almost impossible to get mothers to live with you.

Answer 10

Have a long talk with her doctor. Voice your concerns and ask for suggestions. Sometimes elderly people will listen to their doctor before they will listen to anyone else.