Here is a bit from last week. I know this lady friend, let's call her "Bee" She calls me or texts me almost every day, but it's always for computer help, or car troubles, or to vent about her job or her other male friends.
When I help her, and I always do...All I ever get is a quick, "Thanks" in return and she's off.
What ever happened to like-for-like, or tit-for-tat? I would enjoy a drink, or a meal, or even a date for helping out, but I don't just help out for rewards.
What do you do in this situation? Call her on her behavior? or just walk away?
2006-07-06 17:20:07 · 23 answers · asked by Khalen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Why not just tell her "no", whenever she asks for any more favors? What is wrong with the direct approach? She might respect you more if you actually stood up for yourself (just make sure that you always keep your cool while doing it.). If she is just using you, then she will leave YOU and never come back once you call her on it (problem solved). On the other hand, if she is good person whom is unaware of how her behavior affects you, she would want to know (and if you don't tell her, who will?).
2006-07-06 17:28:12 · answer #1 · answered by Randy G 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've read your situation a few times and I'd still recommend you let it go. You seem like a nice guy. Find a nice lady. It seems rather apparent that she only depends on you for help and that's all she wants from you.
You, on the other hand, seem to be confusing your help for some sort of "like." While your urge to help is commendable, somehow it's mixing with your "feelings." So, find an appropriate outlet for those feelings. Find a different woman to date.
Incidentally, this woman is NOT your friend. She's not your enemy, either, she's just an acquaintance.
2006-07-06 17:32:34 · answer #2 · answered by cboni2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she's using you that much... it's really up to your own perception of "USING YOU" the way i see it, she trust in you, she can express in you what she feels or brag with you about her work and her other male friends.. but if you have find yourself in a situation that you feel that you are being use the only way out is to answer her in a nice way that you are busy and can not attend to her needs... never call her on her behavior that would be an ungetleman move.
2006-07-06 17:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by rudolph d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you only looking for men to answer this question? I'm a woman--but I've gotta respond to this--I've always tried to treat people the way I would want to be treated also---and when I feel that the other person isn't being fair--all or most of the time---I get hurt and wind up asking myself the same questions you are---from a woman's point of view I can only say in her defense that maybe she's afraid to be "social" with you because she just wants to be friends and is afraid you want more---but from the other side of the fence--I'd say she's using you--depending on how important her "friendship" is to you would depend on what to do next---if you value the friendship then you better call her on it--and if she gets upset then I guess you won't have to worry about "fixing" her stuff anymore--but I would think if you do all you say you do for her there should be some favors in return----not even necessarily "social" favors"-----a gift card? bake you a nice batch of cookies? something---but is she's not that important to you --stop returning the calls---and then you'll see how important the relationship is to her---if it is important she'll wondering what's bothering you --if she's using you --she'll just say f... him is he doesn't want to talk to me anymore(but to herself she'll be saying--oh my God who is gonna fix all my stuff) then she'll move on to another victim--good luck
2006-07-06 17:34:37 · answer #4 · answered by suepooh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what i think she need some one she can count on and she has chosen you.she know she can count on you that why she call you.and if you just say no that wont bother her at all she well just go and find some one else bee is using you she know how to play men so if i were you i would just walk away because men like you are a dime a dozen that why bee can get you to do favor for her she playing you.
good luck
2006-07-06 17:55:21 · answer #5 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calling her on her behavior, or walking away...hmmm...would that get you the desired results? Probably not, eh? It sounds like you are friends already...ask her out to a friendly dinner, or cook for her and if that goes well, see if drinks are in good order. If she gets the idea you're good dinner company, my bet is that she'll want to cook for you. Take the lead and lead by example.
2006-07-06 17:30:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask her out on a date or for drinks or whatever if that is what you want. You only get used if you let yourself. Bottom line is dont be a puss.
Sounds to me like she has you in the friend zone though, which is the black hole of relationships. I personally think you should jump ship.
2006-07-06 17:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by Benevolent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt call her on her bahavior, she might find it rude. Dont walk away from her, never give up on your friends, if you want to go on a date or to the movies or hang out with her just ask. It never hurts to ask, and if she says no she says no, at least you have a cool friend who can come to you when she needs you.
2006-07-06 17:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by ford182002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call her on it and if shes passive or is stunned a bit by your proposal then walk away don't just let someone use you and not get a proper thank you in return that's just tacky and I hear where your coming from and its understood
2006-07-06 17:27:20 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Boodle McNoodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry dude, but your never gonna get a date out of this girl. she just doesnt see you like that. it sounds as though she only wants you around when she needs something. also its never good when she is talking bout other guys to you. next time when she needs help, say your BUSY!
2006-07-06 17:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by marcvialli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋