my 27 yo son will NOT leave or contribute to the house..when confronted..oh well..?

Question

What do I do??? My 27 yo son has made himself at home, AGAIN, after living with his dad and he had to leave there because he is sloppy, doesn't think he has to contribute to the household. Now, he is back with me. He took over his 9 yo brother's room, tries to dictate on my parenting skills. DOESN'T clean the room and, if at all, minimally, unless we have a BIG argument..and avoids me when payday comes. He has an attitude..and when I approach him that's another BIG drama that I don't want to put my younger son through..What do I do??? I'm screwed right???

Answer 1

No, you're not screwed. When he leaves the house for the day, change the locks and leave his stuff on the front porch. You've put up with enough already! He's not a child, and yet you're letting him behave like a spoiled brat. It's time to kick his butt to the curb. He's setting a terrible example for your younger son. You need to think of your other child and yourself. There's nothing you can do for him except force him to grow up and become a man.

Answer 2

Give him 'x' amount of time (one month, 60 days, etc.) to find another place. Set a specific date. Discuss it once, do not bring it up again; no nagging, no requests for updates. Then, when the date comes, take the advice of "Laura", and change the locks and put his stuff out of the house. Do not answer the door until he leaves. When he calls (and he will) tell him you gave him a date, and you meant it, but do not talk to him until he is off the property (like if he calls you from a cell phone in the front yard). If he REALLY freaks out, call the police. It will cause hard feelings for a while, but he will get over it. He obviously does not respect you or take you seriously. He needs to be disabused of this notion, you are his Mother, you need to be respected. He is a man, he needs to act like one.

P.S. you may want to have your little boy at a friends house when you do this, he might get the wrong idea about the point of this.

Answer 3

I definately agree with the majority here! Tell your angel-baby that your REAL sorry but he's gonna have to grow up and be a big boy now (if you put it to him that way, it actually makes em pause for a moment). Tell him it's YOUR house not his and he is going to have to live by YOUR rules unless he wants to take over full responsibility (bills, food, etc). Have your younger son witness it (it will do that one good to see Mom in action). Then tell your older boy that if he doesn't like it he can go sponge off Dad! Ooops Dad already kicked him out!!! Too bad. Give him a short time limit to comply and, if he does not, throw his stuff out on the front lawn! If he causes a scene, call the cops and let him know that you are doing so. Sounds harsh, but, trust me, he NEEDS it and you don't deserve to be treated like he has been behaving, ESPECIALLY NOT IN YOUR OWN HOME. You will both be better off.

Answer 4

Kick him to the curb. Seriously he is 27 he has a job and should be living on his own. Don't give him the option to stay. He is disrupting your other son's life and that is unacceptable. Don't give him any money at all. If you want to give him something give him a basket full of food he can use or laundry soap etc... Give him 30 days at the LATEST to get out. He will have plenty of time to find an apartment or find a friends home...whatever you do, do not back down it is not worth it to your other son. Depending on where you live you can go to rent.com and find an apartment online. Do it as fast as you can (I am 22 and have lived on my own, by choice, since 17, myhusband had to move out of his mothers house because he was not living in conjunction with her value system, he has been on his own since 17 also...It took him a while to straighten out and now at 25 he is a wonderful husband and father...Tough Love...oh and his mother did still help him in other ways other than finacialy i.e. laundry help) Be strong

Answer 5

You have a great question here, and a great problem, as we know , but you have the same escalating problem that a lot of us mothers have today, given the same answers that either don`t work, or you`d have to fight to the death if you`d enforce it on these over grown,selfish,disrespectful, ungrateful, wanna be a child /ruler. Did we create our own monster? and now its come back to destroy us mentally, emotionally, financially? talking to them does not help, an argument is sure to ensue, because they don`t know how to communicate with you in a civilized manner,they are such a bad influence on the younger children,(their siblings, or our grands). plus they`re jealous of them.They want us to let them be our little children again , but they also want to take over and rule our house instead of getting their own, and they`ll give nothing for support to help us upkeep the household, only lies and promises. Mothers are too soft hearted and they know it,but you see what dear old Dad will do for them, and "that is the answer", but will we do that? no, because we say he don`t have no place safe to go,or we think something might happen to em. so whats a mother to do? I can`t wait to see the answers to this well known problem that so many moms suffer with today, I wish I had the answer,and I pray some of these brilliant people do. May God help us all to: better help our children to help themselves, and to stop being so selfish!

Answer 6

Obviously, you don't want to just throw him out. Otherwise, you wouldn't have let it go on for as long as it has. You need to give him a timeframe in which he needs to give you X amount of dollars as well as a timeframe for him to find a new place of his own. Give him options.
1. You pay x amount every month for the next x amount of months to remain in this bedroom. If you do not pay this amount, you will have 2 days to relinquish the bedroom.

2. You will have a new residence by x date. . If you do not have a place to go by this date, you will be charged x amount per day that you stay over this date.

3. If after x amount of days has past since the official move date has passed, your bags will be packed and left on the porch with phone number of a local hotel.

4. If you do not go to the local hotel and are anywhere near my property, I will request the services of the police.

I think what is most important is that you remember who is in control. YOU are. This is your home. He is a guest. The longer you let him mooch the longer he will.

Answer 7

No, it's your house. If he ever goes outside, lock the door and throw his stuff out the window in a trash bag.

He's not a kid anymore. He's still your son, but he's not your little kid. If he wants free room and board, tell him to find someone else to mooch off of.

I speak from experience. My older brother is the same way, but at least he helps my mom out with some money for the bills on payday and cuts the grass when she pulls the plug on his video games.

If your son refuses to do anything to help you, tries to tell you how to raise your other son, won't clean, and starts yelling matches with you...kick him OUT!

Answer 8

Tell him he needs to be out by next week. Don't argue with him, just tell him. When the day comes move his stuff out when he is gone. Change the locks, call the cops if he makes a stink, get a restraining order if you have to, don't let him move in again. Are you cooking for him too? Buying his groceries? Well don't. Does he watch your TV? Do you have cable? Get rid of it all untill he is gone. Turn off the electricity. Pretend that you are camping. He will be glad to leave by the time the deadline gets there.
If you really want him out you can do it.

Answer 9

Throw him out he's never gonna be a man if you keep mommying him. And your also showing your younger son that this kind of behavior is acceptable. Give him a date to get out and tell him he need to be out or he'll be put out. Call the Domestic relations office and they will put you in contact with whoever you need to speak to to get him out. Don't back down his Dad stood up for himself you can too. he is 27 he should have his own place anyway don't feel guilty. Tough Love.

Answer 10

no, you can put your foot down. Any intruder can be made to leave by the police. If he refuses to leave you alone, a court order may do the trick. Or an arrest.
If he doesn't act like a member of the family but undermines your authority and disrespects you, why cut him any slack? Boot his ungrateful butt out and follow through (for the sake of your younger son especially!)