I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for about 9 months. We both really love each other alot. Since I have been going out with him he has always mentioned how he would like to have about 6 kids. Well he all ready has a daughter named Tara. She's about 1 yrs old. I must admit that he takes good care of her. He buys her things and he also picks her up about 4 days out of the week . Lately he has been bringing up the idea of me geting pregant by him. I'm not ready to have a child right now because I'm in college and I would like to get married and settled down first before I even have kids. I've told him before that i dont want any kids right now and I dont plan on having any unitl about 5 more years down the road. How could I possibly get this threw his head that I dont want kids right now without hurting his feelings!! Someone please help? What would you do in this situaion? Has this ever happened to you?
2006-07-06 16:58:32 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
get out, and get out quick. he will dump you as soon as you get pregnant thats the way men are (but not me)
2006-07-06 17:01:09 · answer #1 · answered by micky_blueyez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YYou are completely right, you need to finish school before thinking of kids. I'm a young mother and very lucky, I'm happily married and have a great little girl. However, him trying to push you into being a single mother isn't right. You don't know that he will always be there for you, or that you won't end up like his daughter's mother, just the baby's momma. Being a parent is the greatest thing that has come into my life, but it is so hard. Every wonderful thing in life has responsibilities, especially parenthood. Explain how you feel and just tell him that you aren't changing your mind, kids don't happen for you until after you are married and settled. Go talk with your OBGYN about combining multiple forms of birth control to majorly cut down your chances of getting pregnant, and tell your boyfriend that you did. Maybe that will help him see how serious you are. If he truly cares, he should understand and not push you. That's like your first boyfriend pressuring you constantly to give up your virginity when you aren't ready...it isn't right. Your feelings matter too, not just his.
2006-07-06 17:11:19 · answer #2 · answered by x_lil_redangel_x 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would end the relationship if it were me, or at least put on the breaks.
If he wants 6 kids and only has 1, he is either going to ask you to have 5, or you will be one of 3 or more women he has had kids with. If he is talking about you getting pregnant and he has not been talking about getting married, don't even ask why - RUN!!! It's sweet that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but is he paying any attention to yours? This could be a kind of control issue for him. Make sure there is no abusive streak. What happened with the ex?
You are only 19. You have a long, wonderful life ahead of you. DO NOT have kids this young or you may easily regret it. I understand you love him, but at my age I have learned you don't get just 1 shot at love. There will be others and they will respect you for taking care of yourself before bringing another person into this world - so will you.
Stick to your guns and take care of yourself. Good Luck!
2006-07-06 17:21:31 · answer #3 · answered by curiouschick18 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you have already told him more than once that you are not ready for children. If that is indeed the case then my suggestion is to sit him down and tell him that although you love him, you are not ready for kids right now. Let him know that you want to get through school and be more ready to have children. You will be more likely to have career and be more financially secure. Also, it's a big one, your education is important. Children take a lot of time and you may not be able to juggle school, homework and a child and still keep your grades up. You sound very bright. I must give you much credit for your priorities being what they are on this issue. You stand a better chance of being a better, less stressed parent, when you have acquired your desires of education first. Once you have a child, with the added financial responsibilities, you may not be able to go back to school. Good luck to you.
2006-07-06 17:18:31 · answer #4 · answered by Redneck-n-happy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T HAVE SEX!!!!! It really is that simple. All you need to do is say I don't want to sleep with you. Tell him that you need to grow up a little more and that you are still a teenager (I was married at 19) You have a lot more life to live and a whole lot of experience to gain before you bring a child into the world. You want to have a few more years under your belt so that you will have more to teach your children.
My husband and I didn't sleep together until we were married and we BOTH wanted to be married. We then waited a year to have children. We BOTH wanted to have kids and are very happy now. Unless BOTH of you are on board it is not a good situation. It sounds like this guy is good at making babies but not staying with the Mother and you definately don't want to be a single Mom. If he doesn't listen and keeps pressuring you RUN as fast as you can...you can pick up the peices of your heart later. Good luck to you!
2006-07-06 17:20:04 · answer #5 · answered by EmmaGee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is tell him how you feel, if he has a problem with this and keeps pushing you then you need to get rid of him, yes even if you love him. If he doesn't respect your decision about waiting until you finish school, get married and settled with your husband before you have kids, he isn't going to respect you about how you want to raise your future children and these are big life changing decisions. How is he going to treat you in the long run, is this going to be something you can deal with for the rest of your life. If he is as good a man as you think he is, he will give you time to come into your own before pressuring you further to have his children.
2006-07-06 19:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by bluekitty8098 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to be with a man who will be with you and your children 7 days a week - not just when he feels like it.
It's nice that he sees his daughter a few days a week, but that's not like being a full-time daddy. Plus, what about the mother of that baby. She needs a full-time husband who supports her and the baby - financially and emotionally.
The other thing is that he had a close enough relationship with Tara's mother to get her pregnant. It is very likely that this relationship continues to this day.
You can't worry about hurting his feelings. Just stick to your guns...and use protection!!! If you don't, you'll end up pregnant and alone - without an education or a good future.
2006-07-06 17:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by halaurent 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a smart girl. Do not have his baby. Two people should bring a child into the world when they are both ready to have it. If you are not ready, there will be some feelings of resentment to get over. It does not seem like you are pregnant now, so dont get that way. Love is not enough to raise a child.
2006-07-06 20:23:51 · answer #8 · answered by sakeslug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hurt, schmurt. Run, do not walk to the nearest exit!!!!
Remember that you and you alone control your body and only you can allow yourself to become pregnant. Take the Pill. Get an IUD. Take the BC shots. 19 is WAY too young to have kids and 23 is WAY to young to [want to] father children with every woman he dates for more than a month. Let him find another girl to help him add onto his family tree. Go to school. Get a job. Don't get roped into the emotional crap he will probably try to sell you.
Live your life before giving birth to a new one.
2006-07-06 17:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by nu_shashita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why isn't he married to the mother of the first child? They just don't get along? They don't see eye to eye?
It sounds like he likes free sex, and he likes to play with kids.
Just tell him that as soon as the two of you are married that you would love to have the other 5 kids and you will drop out of school and stay home to raise the babies and he can support his family.
Bet you a dollar that he will not propose, and he will drop the subject like a hot potato. And if he is not marriage material you should move on.
2006-07-06 18:31:50 · answer #10 · answered by debbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't worry about his feeling because you are dealing with your future as well as your wants and needs. if he brings it up again just sit him down and very seriously tell him that you are not ready for that kind of relationship, and responsibility. you don't feel that you can support a child the way it needs to be supported at the stage of life that you are in right now. you love him and that hopefully down the road you will have his child and you can have as many of them as he wants. he doesn't have to have the baby so he should seriously calm down on the idea and wait a little while.
2006-07-06 17:10:01 · answer #11 · answered by Gangsta Geek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋