What is THE funniest joke ever???

Question

The kind of joke that is so funny you cant help but to burst out laughing hysterically, no matter where you were.

Answer 1

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. 'Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Answer 2

This is supposed to be the 'killing' joke.

There are two men living in an insane asylum, and they decide they don't like it there any more and are going to break out. So, that night, they hide until after 'lights out' and they sneak out of their ward to the stairs. They go all the way up, to the roof. And there, beneath them are the lights of the city. if they can just get over to the roof of the adjoining building. they can go down the stairs and out the front door, and they will be free!

So, one takes a tremendous running leap across the alley that separates the two buildings, and he lands safely on the other roof. "Come on!" he tells his friend. "It's easy!"

But his friend can't do it. He's afraid.

So the first guy says, "Listen! I have my flashlight with me. I'll turn it on, and lay it on the edge of the roof. The beam will shine across to the other rooftop and you can WALK across on the beam!"

But the second guy says, 'What, are you CRAZY? YOU'D turn it OFF, when I was halfway across!"





Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Answer 3

A family came home from Church where the sermon was on Adam and Eve.

The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs. She asked what he was doing.

He said, "I've counted these things 3 times now. Ma! I think I'm having a wife."

Answer 4

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 5

George Bush as a President of the U.S.A

Answer 6

When Jane first met Tarzan, she was instantly attracted to him. The more time she spent with him, the more intrigued she became, before long their conversation turned to sex.
When Jane asked Tarzan how he has sex , Tarzan looked at her confused. "Tarzan not understand 'sex'." he replied
When she explained to him what it was, now understanding Tarzan replies "Oh, Tarzan uses hole on side of tree."
Jane was horrified "Oh, no Tarzan" she said "that's will never do!"
Determined to show him way of carnal knowledge, she strips down, lays down before him and points between her thighs.
"Here, Tarzan" she pants in anticipation "you put it in here"
Tarzan strips of his loincloth revealing his impressive attribute, and walks toward her. He checks either side of her...then kicks her square in the crotch!
Jane doubles over in blinding pain "WHAT THE HELL?? Are you crazy? Why did you do that???"
He looks at Jane and says...

"Tarzan check for bees."

Answer 7

height of confusion----------- 2 earthworms trying to have sex in a bowl full of noodles!!!


height of bravery----------- ur suffering from severe loose motions, n u take a chance wid a fart!!!


height of embarassement-------- running towards a wall with an erect dick n breaking ur nose FIRST!!!!

Answer 8

two fleas are standing on the sidewalk. One looks at the other and says, "Do you want to walk or take a dog?" hahahaha

Answer 9

anyone from the fairly odd parents

Answer 10

"Why did the chicken cross the playground?"

"To get to the other slide."