My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and have been through a lot with each other. We have talked about getting married before, but have not because I want to finish college and he is in the military and wanted to get settled.
Now then the thing that I don’t understand is we are just a few months from being where we want to be at in life and he has been acting funny, but He is being deployed the 15th again and things are different then before when he had left. The thing that bothers me the most that I don’t understand is he will say something like “The person that knows what I want will be the one that I marry” or he was having some problems with work and I tried to give him some advice on what he might to do, and his first response was that it was none of my business and that it was not like I was always be around. He and I have never fought about anything Until now He has been coming out with some really mean things. I don’t know if I am not seeing something.
2006-07-06 16:07:24 · 11 answers · asked by covergurl_85 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Its hard to say lil miss...I too am military...the only thing I wouldn't understand is...its always comforting when you are getting ready to deploy is knowing that you have a stable home in the rear. I don't know if maybe he is a bit worried about that...or if maybe he is having second thoughts. See that is one of the bad things about being together as one another develop...because you kinda start to take things for granted. I trully think once he gets to Iraq things will change in his life...he will get his priorities realligned. He will either confess his undieing love for you...or he will realize that right now your not what he needs...its hard to say...and maybe a bit to soon to tell. But i would recommend just being strong for him...right now I'm sure he has alot going through his head...don't pry but do give him a comfortable surrounding and have that shoulder ready for if he does need it. Just know that he prolly has alot going on inside...and really it can be hard knowing that your going to be leaving someone behind...because 1 year is a long time for you to wait and not be physical with someone. That was one of my biggest fears...I lost my relationship because of a tour to korea..she cheated on me...it was devistating...and I couldn't imagine going through that in a place like iraq...where you have no where to turn...and your life is on the line. So maybe he is worried that he needs to start letting you go for that reason...I think you could conteract that by giving him alot of positive reinforcement that you will be here for him...and he is the only one for you...and ask him what you can do to give him comfort in that area if this is the problem.
ok wow...i better stop myself...but seriously army wife (or military wife for that matter) is the hardest job in the army...(or military) :-) because you have to put up with us coming and going...
2006-07-06 16:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by lanceh13 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well my boyfriend is in the army, and he is deployed right now. The bad thing about it is he didn't tell me he left. I was hurt as hell but he emailed me and explained everything. He couldn't even tell me where he was, which is not a surprise. Anyway my point is, ask him what are the sardonic remarks for. You need to confront him about the situation and get it lined up before he leaves. Because if he leaves you are going to still wonder, "what is he thinking?" or "do he still loves me?" and you dont want to waste your time wondering if he loves you enough to want to pursue the plans that ya'll agreed on. But on the other hand he might be going through some stressful emotions that he can't explain to you. I know this because sometimes my bf use to be on the phone and he just gets agressive with me for no reason and he will soon realize what had just happened and apologize and he would then tell me he had a bad day at work and that he misses me. When he leaves he will face some tough times. When soldiers are deployed they need all the support they can get. Right now he maybe acting out of fear of being deployed and the fact that he has to leave you. and it sounds like he thinks you might move on without him. You said he made the statement that he said "the person who knows what u want will be the one you marry." It sounds like he knows you will leave him because of the time and distance. But true love will stand the test of time. And he will come around. Just show him much love and look past the comments he makes because he may not mean what he says. Those are really deep fears he has about his situation. Basically, just let him know you love him and will be there for him anytime. I have to tell my bf that so he will know i am waiting on him and i am not going anywhere. I love him too much to just move on to seconds when i have a 1st draft. Hang in there it will be okay.
2006-07-07 03:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by Pooh Bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one ever really understands anyone. We just try to live with them and 'learn' them. It is hard for someone to know what someone else wants unless they are told. On the none of your business part... maybe the military has told him something that is/will put a damper on your relationship and he does not know how to tell you. If he tells you its not like you are gonna be around that may be it. Maybe he will be getting deployed somewhere so far away and he can't be with you. Me and "S" dated, then he went to the military, we saw each other a few times after that and talked on the phone alot. Meanwhile they shipped him to Alaska and I was in Georgia, we talked on a Wednesday and he said he would call on Friday. I never heard from him again, and to this day I still wonder, what happened. Military life can be horrendously stressful. Try to sit down and talk with him before he leaves, and get a better understanding of why he is talking to you this way. Good or bad, at least you will know before he leaves and will not have to wonder. Sometimes wondering is worse than knowing. I wish you best and hope your heart won't be troubled.
2006-07-06 23:23:35 · answer #3 · answered by Thicky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being deployed is an emotionally difficult time. Understand that and give him some space. Things are probably different this time because he knows what he is going into. Since he is leaving soon, use the time to get closer together, not farther apart.
2006-07-06 23:19:25 · answer #4 · answered by J S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that one of two things is going on here. It could be that he doesn't want to be with you and he is getting worried because he knows that you are going to want to get married soon. It could also be that since is getting deployed he is trying to push you away so it is easier on him to leave. I think that you have to come right out and ask him if he wants to be with you or not.
2006-07-06 23:12:44 · answer #5 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In general, a guy is not going to want advice from a woman, even more so his wife/girlfriend. When a guy has a problem, he only wants one solution, his solution his way. And every guy will get and understand that. A woman's solution is going to be too feminized for most guys, and they won't want to hear it.
Sounds like what he many be talking about with the 'person who knows me', is a woman that knows when to talk to him, but also one who knows when not to talk to him also.
2006-07-06 23:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't WANT to see that he is not ready for marriage. Step back a bit and leave him be.. If it is right, He will be back. At least he is letting you know now, Instead of marrying you and screwing around like most do. You have plenty of time... Relax.
2006-07-06 23:12:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
always trust your instincts. His comment, "The person that knows what i want will be the one that I marry," appears to be a roundabout way of telling you he is unsure of marrying you. Furthermore, if he didn't expect feedback from you about his problems, he shouldn't be telling you about them in the first place. My advice is to bite the bullet and ask him pointblank if he is having second thoughts. You deserve better.Let him know that you deserve better treatment than you are getting.
2006-07-06 23:15:06 · answer #8 · answered by babycakes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately the military and /or time can change a person.Best thing I could say is talk to him to see if your previous plans are still what you both want. Only U2 can figue this out.
2006-07-06 23:17:08 · answer #9 · answered by Sonkrisjewel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have known him for 2 years. Ask him these questions you are asking. If he comes back defensive then that would be a red flag.
2006-07-06 23:17:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋