boyfriend refuses sex?

Question

my boyfriend who I live with never wants sex. I offer to go down on him and tell him what a turn on it is for me, but when I try to touch him he rolls over and tells me it's late and time to go to sleep. I'll rub his legs and thighs while we're on the couch and he will literally shift his body so I am not able to touch him erotically. If I ask him to take care of me he says he's too tired or ignpres me and gets mad if I try talking to him about it. He doesn't do drugs or anything like that, I know he is depressed about being overweight but that issue doesn't matter to me. we've gotten into some huge fights and I've told him I will go elsewhere for my needs which I know makes it worse. twice a month if I'm lucky I will get action but I'm always the one who starts it.he says he hasn't lost interest, I just need to let him approach me, but when it's been 3 weeks and there has been nothing I start asking him again...what's going on? we're both 32

Answer 1

He just doesn't like sex. I was married for 30 years to a man that didn't care to make love. I thought it was because he just didn't want if from me. Come to find out, the new woman in his life, is not getting any either. So learn to live with it if you love him or move on.

Answer 2

I could be wrong but sounds like he has lost interest in you. I am 32 also and I like to have it about 3 to 4 times a week. Now you do have to understand that your sex drive is alot higher than his. Women seem to get it later than guys do. I am sorry to say but maybe he dont feel the same sbout you any more. I would go months at a time with my ex wife. I just didnt want it from her any more. I didnt go else were though, I just got a divorce. Now with my soon to be wife, WOW. It is amazing. Maybe you could try and spice it up alittle but I am not sure that will work either. Sorry, Thats all I can tell you

Answer 3

What else has happened with him? Has he had problems at work or with family which may have caused him to start eating more which in turn has caused his weight gain? He's unhappy with himself, be it just his weight or other things. You telling him that it doesn't matter obviously doesn't help.

Though you love and care about someone, no matter how hard you try, YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES. He needs to seek counseling to help him through whatever it is that got him down. I can also tell you that if you suggest once or twice, OK, but don't belabor the idea. Possibly you could suggest that the two of you go together to get started.

Best of Luck

Answer 4

I remember for a small period of time, I was kinda like that with my ex. I just didnt feel like having sex, but my reasons were that I was concentration on studies, or just trying to become more active. Has anything else in his or your life had a huge change? That could be something that has effected him. The only other thing that I'd hate to say is it is 1 of 2 things. 1.) Hitting his mid life crisis or/and 2.) because of the mid life thingy, wants to feel young blah blah blah, you get the drill. I guessing since you've been in fights that you've tried talking about it so here's my suggestion. One night when he comes back in, just be dress MAAD sexy, strut around all hot and stuff, make him wanna pounce on you.If that doesnt work....it might be time for someone else...:(

Answer 5

He might be similar to me in that he wants to wait to go that far? Maybe he has limits set up until he's married? Just a guess. I bet you're going to get a lot of "He must be gay" responses. I don't think that's the answer at all. If I was in his shoes and my gf asked to go down on me, I'd decline but that's because I have certain beliefs about that kind of stuff. Have you ever tried discussing that with him?

Answer 6

There are several potential answers.

For one, human's sex drives don't collide. For men, they peak around 16-18 years old. For women, its early 30's. He just might not be biologically as, well, horny as you anymore.

For another, he could be suffering from some type of embaressing ailment which puts him off of sex (i.e. erectile disfunction, etc..)

For another, he could not find you sexually attractive as he used to. Its an unfortunate reality that does happen.

For another, he could be getting / have gotten sex from elsewhere. An even further twist on this is that he could've caught an STD which would give away his actions, which is why he is avoiding it.

Answer 7

there is something going on for sure. you don't think that hes cheating do you? Maybe hes in such a deep depression that its really hard for him to be intimate, or maybe he just cant get it up and hes embarrassed about it. one things for sure needs to be done though.....you both need to sit down and talk about this. make it all about him. don't mention your frustrations because then that will just make him frustrated and then not want to talk. tell him you love him and you just want to help. don't let him get up and walk away, this needs to be discussed. a sexless relationship is a unhappy relationship. if he hasn't lost interest, try suggesting Viagra. good luck.

Answer 8

you should ask him if you turn him on and ask him what he likes and doesn't like you doing. You say that he doesn't like you rubbing his thighs or whatever well he might take that as a turn off. You should try something else like some weird stuff, for example tie him to the bed and rub choclate or honey on him or something like that just to get that fun and excitment back that he might want...

Answer 9

Well if he's upset about being overweight maybe take a walk/run together. Do some activities together, get his blood pumping, get him excitied about things again. Take a hike, anything to just get him up and going. When a person is upset about anything they get lazy and tierd, but once you get them up they can start to feel like a new person.

Answer 10

It sounds like old boy has issues with self esteem about his weight. Does he cover up when leaving the bed or seem ashamed when you see him naked? You may say it doesn't matter to you, but he may not be able to hear it. All I can say is show him that you love him unconditionally. It's up to him to change, you can't do it for him. You can only support him.