Should she be dating?

Question

We have a 13 year old girl. She is awesome at everything she does, she's very athletic and she's so pretty. She makes good(adult) decisions when she is put in any situation. But, we are afraid to let her have a boyfriend. Do you think we are being to harsh?

Answer 1

If you keep her from doing what she wants, she is more likely to do it in secret, but if you let her be open and honest, she is more likely to come to you for advice about how to be in a relationship, questions about sex, etc. If you don't want her going out, why not allow the boy to come over when the parents are home and they can hang out, watch tv while being supervised.

Answer 2

No, as a responsible parent you are not being harsh, a girl of 13 is far to young to have a boyfriend in the romantic sense and if a relationship was to begin it could well interfer with her school studies and activities she enjoys doing, and of which your so clearly proud of.
Remember shes still a 'child' even at 13 years of age wether she seems sensiable or not in her other decisions or opinions.

Answer 3

No your only being a parent. I'm only 20 years old and I was just like your daughter. If the boy really likes her and wants to be her boyfriend, he will wait. We all now how teenage relationships have an effect on kids. I think 13 is too young. Its up to you as parents, we don't know you daughter. Your around her, you know her character, how she handle things, etc. You guys know her best. If you trust her then why not. Just explain to her the pros and cons. Keep a door of communication WIDE open. If she breaks the rules put your foot down. Good luck

Answer 4

Absolutely no dating. However, you do not want to put it to her that way. That will only make her want to do it more. A great way to present it to her would be to say things like this: I can't wait till you get your first boyfriend at 16. What are you doing to prepare yourself for when you are old enough to date? When you are 16 and ready to start dating what kind of boy would you like to have as a boyfriend? This will put the idea in her head that dating is for later when she is older, without being authoritarian or antagonistic about it. Thus there would be less chance of this being a source of distancing between you two. To fill that "void", I would encourage her to get involved in things like team sports and playing an instrument or other hobbies to help build her self esteem and confidence. This will also give her something to occupy herself with. Last, but most important, always keep communication lines open and be aware of what's going on in your daughter's life. Like anything else with teens you have to be tactful and friendly when prying into their world. Once again it is not something that I would be authoritarian about. There is a reason why teens tend to be more open with their peers than with their parents. If you come across as demanding to know what is happening in her life you'll probably be shut out. I say talk to her with the respect that you would give your peers(there is a certain tone you wouldn't normally take with your age mates), yet keeping in mind that you are her parent.

Answer 5

As the oldest male in a family of 3 girls and 3 brothers, plus being a Grandfather it is my opinion that a young woman of 13 in the United States is not quite ready to be on a date alone, a boyfriend at her age is not too serious unless he hangs around for a few years, he probably would like a chance to get to her. But my suggestion is if she's going to date him she needs an escort with her. I double dated with everyone of my sisters until they were 18 and even then I still doubled with them once in awhile depending on where the date was taking her.

Answer 6

Why not let her have a "boyfriend" under the restriction that if they go out to the movie or whereever an adult is with them. or have him to your house when your home. Dont lock her down but dont give her the go ahead to do anything. Make sure you have talked to her about sex and birth control. I also have a 13 year old. Since she makes good decisions talk to her and let her know your proud of her and are trusting her with this issue and not to break that trust.Good luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like she must have a pretty good head on her shoulders, if you say she makes good decisions. But, ultimately, you are the parent and what you say is the bottom line. Make sure you know where she is going, ask about the boys family etc. You must have gone through some of this yourself when you were growing up. Come on.

Answer 8

When she feel ready she is going to date with or with out your approval. I think the most important think to do is set limit don't be to hard, don't be to soft give her time to live and make mistakes. Remember she need to learn because if not she probably will pick one really bad when she grow up. Make sure she feel confident on you and talk constantly with her after all you now she is a good daughter trust in her but keep an eye on her.

Answer 9

Not in my opinion your not. A 13 year old no matter how mature doesn't need to be dating. The younger they start dating the younger they get married. My mother didn't let me date till I was 16 and my daughter will not date till she is 16. Stick to your rules, the dating scene is a lot more scarier now then it was when I was young. Our kids need to learn to be kids and not be in such a hurry to grow up. Your young once, but you are old for ever.

Answer 10

No you are not being harsh. My parents are the same way. You can let her have a boyfriend but you can have a friend be with them when they are on dates. But the way to do that is, let your friend be away from them, but be in sight. Will your friend is looking after them and she knows it and as her boyfriend they wouldn't do anything wrong.