She says all her friends do it and that is not fair I don't let her spend the night out. She has a curfew at 10pm except when she goes to dances or other events that are important. She is a great kid, gets good grades, doesn't care for drugs, alcohol or cigarrets but she hasn't proved to us she is responsible enough. We still have to treat her like a little kid reminding her what her chores are around the house which are not that many....just keep up with her bedroom and bathroom and clean after herself. My parents never let me spend the night outside of my house and even now I always come back home to sleep in my own bed, in my own house no matter what...by the way, I don't drink and drive. She has a boyfriend also and I my fear is that she will start getting used to spending the nights out and end up doing it not to be with "friends" but with the boyfriend and get pregnant. Besides nowadays you can not trust anybody and I don't really know the parents of her friends well enough.
2006-07-06 12:47:44 · 31 answers · asked by Luana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
While I've had no problem letting my teenage daughters sleep at their friends' houses, the red flag to me is "I don't really know the parents of her friends well enough." You recognize that you can't fully trust your daughter to make good decisions on her own and unless you know that she is with adults who will supervise her with the same standards you would apply, it's a no, especially with the boyfriend in the picture. However, you might consider allowing her to invite a few of her friends to sleep over at her house. That way, you could make sure of what was going on and your daughter could have the experience of a sleepover. I think that would be a fair compromise. I think you may be a little overprotective, but I really understand where you are coming from. Just remember that when she goes to college, she will have a whole lot more freedom than she does now, so you do need to gradually loosen up a bit so she begins to learn how to handle freedom responsibly.
2006-07-06 13:00:15 · answer #1 · answered by just♪wondering 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's a good kid, gets good grades, and doesn't do drugs, drink or smoke, I believe that she HAS proven that she's responsible enough.
I started spending the night at friends' houses before kindergarten. My daughter started spending the night at friends' houses as soon as she started making friends. Your daughter is right - all of her friends really do spend the night with each other. It's very common - in fact, most girls by her age have had several slumber parties, and probably have been to more.
If you confirm with the friend's parents that your daughter is truly invited, and that they will be on hand to "chaperone" them so that they don't disappear with boys, then it should be entirely safe. In theory, it would be the same as sleeping at home, except that she's with her friend.
I entirely applaud you for being concerned about what she's doing. You most definitely should be, considering the trouble that kids can get in. But I think there is also a happy medium - take the time to get to know her friends and their parents...If you can know that they have a good home, you can be comfortable knowing your daughter is in a safe place.
2006-07-06 19:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like you simply do not trust your daughter even though you go on about how good a kid she is. There is NOTHING wrong with allowing her to stay at a friends house. If she is going to start doing things with her boyfriend, she does not need the excuse of staying at a friends house. I have a 16 year old and know all about the fears that she will start messing around and wind up pregnant, but at some point in time, you have to start trusting her. Have you taught her right from wrong? Instilled in her good moral behavior? Trust her. As far as her needing to be reminded about her chores, give her a break, she is 16 and you are holding the apron strings too close, if all you have to complain about are the chores, you are lucky. Continue to keep a close leash on her and she WILL turn to drugs and alcohol just to rebel.
2006-07-06 19:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by tg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the age of 16 and still wanting to have sleep overs, I'd say they are wanting to do things you don't approve of, and whom she is staying with probably doesn't have a parent who is checking on what their daughter is doing.
If you let her go, she'll only want to go more often and she will be doing things you don't approve of.
IMy daughter started at the age of 12 staying with a friend who lived with her grandmother. I knew the girls grandmother when I was a child. I thought it was a safe place and not far from home.
Little did I know the grandmother didn't have much control over her grandchildren she was raising. And we found out when it was way too late, that our daughter was doing things she shouldn't.
We trusted our daughter. She was a good kid. Good in school and liked by everyone and we never thought she would mess with drugs and alcohol.
I would trust my first intuition if I were you.
2006-07-06 20:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by Dee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our daughter is 17 years old, she only sleep over once in a while, but we always know the parents of her girl friends where she spends the night, not on school nights or if there are boys invited. You should begin to trust her now, one day at a time, if you don't, she will be looking forward to be 18 and walk away. If she is a good girl she won't be doing anything wrong, belive me. If she isn't, she doesn't need a night to be with her boyfriend doing what you fear most. So let her be, but within your rules.
2006-07-06 19:59:22 · answer #5 · answered by myopinion 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be to talk with the parents who are letting her sleep over - make sure they are going to have a handle on the situation - by talking to the parents you get a feel for who they are and how they interact with their child. At 16 years old a teenager should be able to stay at a friend's house - if she is being supervised and if you know the parents.
As for boyfriends and sex and pregnancy - as long as you have instilled in her the right values and have spoken WITH her regarding sex and the consequences of sex, she should be fine. If she feels that she needs to hide things from you, she's going to start distancing herself and perhaps do things she probably shouldn't. Trust that you have raised her well and will continue to do so, but also trust that she is a good girl and has sense enough to stay away from the dangers you've spoken with her about.
2006-07-06 20:55:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sean/Guy Wiley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All i can say is that i hope and pray when my two children are old enough to spend the night at friends homes that i'm not like you controlling. Kids need a break just like you need a break from kids. I grew up in a controlling home just like you are discribing and i can't tell you how many times i ran away and i eventually ended up living with my sister. I can't stand to be around my parents till this day. Take it easy on her She has more than proved herself. No kid cleans there rooms when ask them to. Geesh is all i can say.
2006-07-06 20:19:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you can speak with the girls parents first. Most children spend the night with friends way before 16yrs of age. You have to trust your children. If she has given you no reason for mistrust don't treat her as if she has. I am sorry sweetie you are being over protective. Give her some lead way. If she chooses to do the wrong things and make bad choices then deal with that when it comes. Keeping her sheltered can make things worse. She sounds like a good kid give her a chance!
2006-07-06 19:58:14 · answer #8 · answered by geni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO NO NO NO, I'm 20 I do agree that kids need their freedom but with freedom comes responsibility, does she have the grades, does she know her self worth have you sat down and spoken to her abour s**. Right now her hormones are out the roof do you know whose at the sleep over how about the mother. Do you think its a controlled environment? You know how prescious she is, does she. Remember when she was first born, everything had to be babyproofed in the house, well know is the time to "world proof" her. If you know she can handle the questions that come with peer pressure that okay. Good Luck!
2006-07-06 20:39:35 · answer #9 · answered by MARIA M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pre-teach, discuss that the rules that go when she is at home stay intact when she goes out. Explain to her your fears. She is old enough to understand. Tell her you think she makes good decissions and that you will trust her as long as she does not screw things up for herself. Always emphasize how much you care about her and that you don't want anything to ever happen to her and that is why this is hard for you. Be honest, talk to her like an adult and give her a chance to prove she can be trusted. If you are worried about her getting pregnant get her on birth control. She is not to young to be on it.
2006-07-06 20:00:21 · answer #10 · answered by rascal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋