When using counting to 3 with children, what happens when you get to 3?

Question

I have heard parents counting. I've never seen the kids actually respond. What is the point? Do any parents follow through with this? What is supposed to happen?

Anyone else think that this is silly?

Answer 1

Yes, it is silly. If your child can obey you after you get to "three" then they sure can obey you right away. Why count or give them all that time?

Answer 2

It is a usually fruitless idea, as the child is then in control of the situation. The parent is trying not to punish them but is hoping that the child will see reason. a child is not of the same mindset as an adult, so it is technically pointless to play that game (and it is a game to a child as he or she knows they are fine until 3 - so they continue to push the button until the last number decided upon, and 9 times out of 10 the parent is again counting in less than a minute). Tell the child once, if he or she does not respond to the order don't play the threat game where you count to 3 and do nothing anyway - or punish the child this time but next time forget about it. Be consistent and decisive. Your child will be the better for it. Follow through and quit allowing the child to be in control. Who is the adult after all? Yes - it is silly - and the child knows that 90% of the time nothing is going to happen. I have seen parents go all the way to 10, which is absolutely ridiculous.

Answer 3

When a parent counts to three, they are usually trying to get the child to do something they've already asked the child to do at least once (ex. getting in bed), so they tell the child they have until the count of three to do what they've been asked. What happens when the parent counts to three and the child doesn't respond depends on the parent. Many parents use it as a threat -"you better get in bed by the time I count to three or you're going to get it" and there's no real definite undesired outcome (does a child know what "get it" means? yes, I realize some do!) or when they're really frustrated with a child because the child isn't doing what they've been asked to do. The parent just want the child to follow through without having to deal with the child's behavior, appropriate discipline, etc. I have seen this method work occassionally, but more times than not, the child doesn't respond, and if they do, it's often in fear of the parent. In my opinion, it doesn't work because the parent doesn't follow through with doing what they've told the child will happen if they do get to three "if you don't get in bed by the time I count to three, you won't get to go outside tomorrow" and then they let the kid go outside the next day. Then, the kid knows the parent isn't serious and there won't be any repercussions if they continue doing what they're being asked not to do. In my opinion, it's not an effective form of parenting as it's typically used as a threat or when the parent doesn't want to deal with the child appropriately. Even still, I'm sure the majority of parents have used it or will use it at one time or another and I'm sure I'll be guilty of it at one time or another once I have kids. And I'm not trying to say this is never effective or is some sort of abuse. I'm sure there are instances where it works, it just depends on the parent and child, their relationship, and how it's done. It doesn't have to be used as a threat, but more often than not, it is.

Answer 4

When used right it can work... i lived for a while with a little guy who was a holy terror, and his mom started using 1-2-3 magic and she followed it to a T, and he turned into a model little gentleman within a few months! She was extremely consistent, but the reason the 1-2-3 method doesn't always work is cause it can be hard to be consistent. The idea is when you get to three the kid gets a time out for one minute of every year of his age, and then you talk to him about why he was in time out, and then you drop the subject and move on. Also for 1-2-3 magic the time-out doesn't actually start until the child stops hollering and fighting. The book even advocates latching the kid's room from the outside (it has to be completely childproof inside) so he can't get out, and he can freak out as much as he wants in there, and then when he's quiet you start the timer, and after it's over and you've talked to him about what he did wrong, he has to put away all the mess he made. But not everyone can create a childproof room to lock their kid in, not everyone feels comfortable locking their kid in his room, and if you're in a hurry the time out is just inconvenient. It works great for some people though...

Answer 5

Counting gives the parent a few seconds to calm down and come up with a solution. Usually, the kids get the message, "I mean business!" Which is what the parent means. The kid finds out what happens when the parent gets to three if the parent gets that far. In our case, it was getting sent to time-out (sent to room for number of minutes = kid's age), which gave me time to chill for the "Lecture" that was sure to ensue.
Basically, it refocuses the child's attention from what she is doing to the parent. Like many parenting tricks, it works for some, not for others.

Answer 6

It's ridiculous if nothing actually happens when they get to 3 because often parents don't follow through.

However, I work with children with special needs and we count oftten to signal the end of an activity. Sort of like a warning. It works really well if you are consistent, but when parents use it as a threat and don't back it up then it's no wonder children don't respond to it.

Answer 7

if I get to 2 my kids do as they are told in a damn hurry. At three there are consequences. Loss of a privilege, time out and in the worst case scenario (haven't had one in a long time) a smack (no people not a belting, a smack, hurts the dignity not to hurt the child). I am one of those follow through mums. The know if i hit 3 things will not be good for them

Answer 8

i don't think it's silly- it is actually better than yelling and it gives the child the opportunity to 'do the right thing'. when a parent gets to 3 and the child has not responded the parent is supposed to reinforce a consequence- whether it is timeout, losing a priviledge, etc. i usually say something like- "if you are not ready by the time i get to three, you will not be able to (insert your consequence- ex: go to the park today, watch tv, etc...) i have only gotten to three once- when the consequence was reinforced- he knew i meant it and did not test me again.

Answer 9

I don't agree with the counting method. That tells the kid they can get away with whatever they are doing up to the count of three.
For parents who choose this method, they must decide what the punishment for "three" is and stick with it. The biggest problem with disciplining children is lack of consistency on the parents.

Answer 10

If I got the count down when I was a kid I got my a$$ spanked HARD and not just once and yes this happened in public as well. I think children would be better behaved if people didn't go and call child abuse when parents smacked their kids. I applauded one lady in Wal-Mart for whooping her kid's behind in front of everyone, that kid was be naughty!

Answer 11

I actually count to five. I say one and do nothing. I say two and get to the edge of my set. I say three and shout a warning. I say four and stand up. IF I do HAPPEN to make it to five, my daughter gets her hand smacked or she gets popped on the butt (depending on what she is doing).

My daughter is almost 18 months old and she KNOWS what will happen if I get to five and usually (9 times out of 10) runs or stops whatever she is doing and "acts" like she is a good girl (which she is, a very good girl and smart too) or finds something else to do.

Daddy usually pops her butt or smacks her hand (again, depending on what she is doing) on three, but I have trying to get him to do the counting to five thing too.