Arrgh! Lifestyle crisis looming! Help needed!?

Question

I have been single for pretty much all my adult life. Although I have had several very brief relationships (6 weeks was my all time reccord) I have never had proper adult relationship. I was in love once a long time ago but that went very badly wrong and left me with a lot of terrible psychological problems it took me several years to sort out.
Over the last 5 years I have gradually accepted that I will always be single and will never find love. It was this realisation which gave me the strength to end years of severe alcoholism as I realised that alcohol had become a substitute for love and I didn't need it anymore.
And for so long now I have been so content knowing that I would be alone no matter what I did and so would never need to go out again and fail in another attempt to find someone to be with.
But yesterday I was walking along and went passed a school and realised that a very important part of me really does want to be with someone and have kids. What should I do?

It's not as if I'm terribly unhappy with things as they stand and I do feel far more secure being alone by choice than being single and looking for someone.
But I really don't think there is somone out there for me. And yet some part of me still has hope. Horrible misleading hurtful falsely optimistic hope.

Answer 1

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT THE BEST THINGS COME TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE LEAST EXPECTING THEM. WHY DON'T YOU ENGAGE IN A HOBBY THAT FORCES YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. BUT TRY A SAFE HOBBY. A BAR IS NOT SAFE AND MEN WHO GO THERE ARE NOT VERY GOOD AS LIFE PARTNERS FOR SOME REASON THEY TEND TO BE ALHOCOLIC. I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 2 YEARS AND I LOVE HIM DEARLY BUT SOMETIMES I MISS BEING SINGLE. ENJOY BEING SINGLE WHILE YOU HAVE IT BECAUSE ONCE YOU GET MARRIED YOU ARE MARRIED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. YOUR STORY REALLY ISPIRED ME. HOW YOU STOPPED DRINKING AND HOW YOU CAME IN TERMS WITH YOURSELF I REALLY ADMIRE YOU FOR THE THINGS YOU HAVE ACHIEVED AND THE THINGS YOU HAVE CONQUERED. I'M SURE THAT YOU ARE A GREAT WOMAN AND WHEN I WAS READING I NOTICED THAT YOU ARE HONEST, CARING, AND GIVE YOUR HEART OUT WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE. DON'T WORRY GIRL YOUR PRINCE CHARMING WILL COME TO YOU.

Answer 2

I have to say that I feel the same as you most of the time. I get really depressed sometimes when I think about the barren expanse that is my life alone, but then I remember that a life isn't just about getting married and having kids. I would dearly love to have that in my life but the reality is that it doesn't happen for everyone. My mother has three school friends who haven't married and haven't got kids and they are all fulfilled individuals with really good lives.

Something you must remember is that love can strike you at any age, my uncle has a friend who has been single most of his adult life and most of his friends have married and had kids while he didn't. However, at the age of 50, he went on holiday and met a woman and fell in love. They got married this afternoon and he now has two step-children and step-grandchildren!

Don't worry about it too much and don't let it rule your life. If it happens it happens.

Answer 3

There is someone for everyone. I know that for a fact. I was able to finally find some one after I cured my alcoholism. I did not see that a woman did not want to get serious with some who drinks as much as I did. I quit, found someone, and I'm happier now than ever before, even though,like you, I thought I was ok alone

Answer 4

How old are you you probably haven't met the right one for you he will appear when you least expect it I was in a 5 year relationship when i was 24 split up on my own for 6 years had accepted life as a singleton then met my older frends son and we have been together for 7 years

Answer 5

WOW that's pretty deep ! i think try new hobbies meeting new people you don't want old Friends that may encourage you to drink ! also charities or how about local groups helping others with drink problems this would raise your self esteem that sounds pretty low at the moment . have you given up drinking if not do it do it today .. you are someone of worth .. love is sometimes hard going but keep trying its better to have loved than never love at all !! go to those local groups and be good . good luck honey xxx

Answer 6

:for my section, the powers that be were attentive to the opportunity of an ability disaster for a lengthy time period, and on some aspect of information,so have we.What did we anticipate of replaced into going to take position at the same time as utilising a non-renewable ability source? the answer to this difficulty regrettably will develop into yet another question. What are we as organization proprietors and persons prepared to sacrifice with the intention to guard. not merely ability, yet our planet as well. i imagine we are getting so dependant on creature comforts that at this degree I doubt a lot can, or will be carried out. i'm particular that all and diverse has solid intentions at the same time as deliberating ability conservation, yet nonetheless are cranking up the air conditioner on warm days. What it boils right down to is, are we waiting to provide up the Christmas light fixtures, tractor pulls, and NA SCAR races? Or our we going to bypass stress into disaster in our S.U.V's? i don't understand, even if the well known quote: "we do not inherit the earth from our fathers, we borrow it from our toddlers." would not seem sinking in. international locations like China are literally adapting the flexibility sucking way of existence that we are getting accustom to. issues are literally not getting extra acceptable, they are going to worsen! i imagine an ability disaster can not be prevented...and it serves us precise!

Answer 7

I really do not want to be to personal or sound diheartening only it sounds as if you may want to find out who you are first, it may be that your not having relationships due to your "comfort" with your own status quo, fter awhile making a comprimise, however small, seems like a huge bother!
Live in the now, go for what you feel and do not think about the future, it comes if you want it or not!

Answer 8

Well if you want kids then you should check your finances to see if you can afford one. Then you should look into adopting a girl from China, because many thousands of girls there are abanoned every year. And as for finding someone to fall in love with, it might happen or it might not just don't stress out over it.

Answer 9

Maybe you could adopt. That could save you some potential heart break and help a lucky child.