How do I deal with my Catholic friends?

Question

I was baptised Catholic when I was about 13. When I moved to California I became friends with a woman at work. At the time, she was non-denom and her husband was pegan or wiccan. He was a terrible husband who lied, cheated and hurt other people. Well two years later he became a Catholic and did the whole she-bang and now talks down to everyone and tells them basically that everyone who is not Cath is going to hell.
My husband is baptist and I prefer his curch because I find that they are less judgemental and more loving than the Cath curches that I have been too. I try to be a good person and do the right things when stuff comes up.
My friend moved away but is visiting us soon with her husband. The problem is that he is always talking about how I need to go to a Cath curch and I'm going to hell if I don't and tells me that I need to get rid of all my possesions because the second comming is soon. I love her very much but her born again man is driving me nuts. How should I deal?

Yes, I feel as though this guy is definately weird. He kept sending me several chain letters about religion and I asked him to quit doing it because I didn't think that I was going to hell just because I didn't fwd some dumb letter. Then he had his wife call me and ask why I didn't want his junk mail anymore. Then he sent me a letter saying that all he wants if for us to be in heaven when he gets there, like he's better. It sounds like his wife is getting brainwashed too by they strange remarks shes making about the "rapture". The problem with the husband is that this man REFUSES to talk about anything other than this church stuff. (There I spelled it right, happy?). I love god and Jesus, but he sounds like one of those cult leaders to me. He threw away all of his wifes belonging that didn't have something positive about Caths or God in it. She was mad, but he said that the house was "unclean". He's even got a holy water shrine near his front door he insists everyone needs to use.

Answer 1

Religion sucks dear....it only divides people...religion causes hatred, ignorance, and intolerance. Avoid it.

Answer 2

Wow. Tabitha, I've been a Catholic most of my life, and while I appreciate an intensity of faith, that's beyond normal.

I'd think your friend's husband has some psychological issues. I would treat them with love but more so with caution.

The rapture is not actually a Catholic doctrine - Christ is believed to return once (to sit on the seat of Judgment), not twice. This is roughly similar to the idea of post-tribulation rapture, but too complicated to get into here, and that wasn't your question anyway.

I hope you don't take these two to be representative of the Catholic church as a whole. Ours (in the midwest) is actually very low-key and loving. But I know there are fire-and-brimstone pastors in all denominations. The worst I have seen (and I've been to many denominations) are confrontational, condemnational, and hard-headed. One even locked the doors from the outside until a sufficient offering was gathered (this was a small non-denominational church in a small town in Kansas).

Anyway, the problem isn't that you have a Catholic friend, it's that your friend is an unwelcome zealot.

Normally, friends recognize that there are limits within which zeal can be tolerated. Ie, I have a buddy who is a Presbyterian minister, and another who is a born-agan who leads a Bible study, and another who is a missionary with an evangelical church, and we know when to talk and when to quit.

It sounds like he doesn't know when to quit. Normally he's just a nuisance, but given his fire and rhetoric I'd be deeply concerned about his doing something in the house.

And while I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad experience in the Catholic churches, I'm really happy to hear you've found a good Church that leads you to Christ.

If you need anything, feel free to contact me through my avatar.

In Christ,
V17

Answer 3

First and foremost the second coming is not coming and no you are not going to hell. there are people that become fanatics in all den oms they base there believes on there religion not there spirituality, just remember there will always be some one out there telling you what you should believe and I would tell you you will not find christ or god in any church on this planet, I have been a catholic for 40 yrs and studied theology for most of them church is a place to socialize with Friends you will find god in your heart he has been there since you where born let your inner child show you the way.

Answer 4

Roman Catholicism teaches that people can reach salvation, not only if you are of another christian denomination, according to catholicism, you can reach salvation even if you are buddhist, atheist, muslim or whatever. They only consider there is no salvation if you know the Catholic Church is the true church (or the true and only way) and yet you decide to leave it. Any other HONEST decision, do not condemn you to hell.

A couple of quotes:

"Those, who through no fault of their own do not know the Gospel of Christ or His Church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and moved by grace, try in their actions to do His will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience — those too may attain eternal salvation" Catechism, no. 847

"Sincere non-Christians can be moved by grace to seek God and know and do His will. When they do so according to the dictates of their conscience they can be saved, for by God's will they are associated with the paschal mystery of Christ." Catholic Culture - "Is There Salvation Outside the Church?"

Now, how do you deal with your friends? I'd recommend to hand them the catechism and later ask a catholic priest about the particular issues (salvation, second comming). An informed refutation would be a good option to put things in place. And in your place, you set the rules.

Answer 5

be patient, most individuals who practice a new faith get all up in it and think everyone should be like them and begin to condemn them if they don't change. give him a year till the Holy Spirit works on his heart to soften it. if Christ is truly his personal Savior and focus as he accepted Him into his heart, there should be peace in due time. pray for him. the second coming is soon, Christ is at the door, all the things Christ told His disciples that would happen in the latter days when He will come again are happening now. but you can keep your things just make sure your heart is ready and tidy, the rapture of the church could happen any day. God bless and keep you.

Answer 6

Well if he says you ned to get rid of all your possessions maybe he needs to as well. Francis of Assissi did the same. Get a friend to call round at the house pretending to collect money for some worthy Catholic charity - invite her in and suddenly become very enthusiastic about how worthy a cause it is. Write a big check letting him know how much you will spend, let your partner say no that's too much we can't afford it but insist anyway, and give it to her knowing you will get it back. Ask your friends husband how much he wants to give and watch him squirm....

Answer 7

Tell him that God gave free will and his the ONLY judge. I do not believe pushing your believes on anyone but especially since you already believe in the same God he is talking about for you to convert. Why would this man decide that it is his job to convert you to ???? Christianity??? But you already are?? And as far as him pushing himself on others, this is why people without God can hardly see God because of all the self righteous people calling themselves christians and standing in the way for people to see the real loving God. I know I got on my soap box there for a minute, sorry... what it all comes down to is the way you live your life. You seem to be doing ok and pretty loving (as far as I can tell from a single question) so live, love and be happy and do not be scared of the false followers who do not understand that the power of God is different to each individual. For him to think that you see God in the same way he does is short sighted and taking away from the omnipotent being of God. If he thinks he has all the answers that is far worse than not believing at all.

Answer 8

Just say you'd rather keep things light and don't want to discuss religion or politics, if it goes that way. And then immediately say something to change the subject and you'll avoid the uncomfortable silence that usually follows.


Or, don't bring it up and hope that the whole thing is avoided. If HE brings it up, just say "We've had such a nice evening, let's get into a heavy topic. Anyone for dessert? Boy, this chocolate cake looks great!"

Answer 9

I like telling pious Catholics this joke:

A man went to heaven, but he had no formal religion on Earth, so he was allowed to go to any room in heaven that he wanted. They went to the first room, and there was loud music, singing, and dancing. St. Peter said, "This is the 'born again' room. These people love singing praises to God. They're always having a party."

They went to a second room and they heard all sorts of splashing. St. Peter said, "These are the Baptists. They have a big pool, and everyone plays in it all day."

They went further down the hallway and St. Peter said, "Shhh."

"Why do we have to be quiet?" the new arrival asked.

"Well," said St. Peter, "this is the Catholic room. They like to think they're the only ones here."

Basically, you have to explain to this man that religion is a personal choice, and you can't believe in any God that would punish people who live a good life, but don't happen to practice the "one true" religion (whatever that may be).

Ask him if he truly believes that a good person could possibly be condemned to hell for not practicing a certain set of ceremonial tasks. Trust me. He can't possibly defend that logically.

Answer 10

When you’re born, through genetics you have predisposition to feel more or less Cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the feeling you get whenever you’re your ideas and opinions are in contrast with that of another person’s or when your actions don’t match your beliefs. If not dealt with it turns into physical headaches and stress. This dissonance functions by making us come together and communicate for survival. If you look around you’ll see that like attracts like. People are attracted to other people with similar ideas because it is reaffirming and makes us feel good by reducing that dissonance. It makes us feel normal. You’re more likely to feel you are correct when other people agree. People will usually use the easiest method to reduce dissonance. Some people, join clubs, teams, or go to church with other people who have similar beliefs. Some people exercise and others use drugs like Tylenol or alcohol. A sense of normlessness is called anomie and can lead to depression and even suicide. In those like groups the ideas polarize and become more extreme while their members become more confident in their conclusions. Middle Eastern religious extremists use religion to enable them to become suicide bombers. If you look at the histories of religion you see a pattern. Each religion helps their society deal with their unique life situation for better or worse. The Egyptians had their sun god ect. Therefore, trying to change someone’s religion can make them less adapt to the issues they face in their life. Unfortunately the function of religion is not to show us the truth but to relieve the dissonance by giving us a set of beliefs that tell us what is normal.

Answer 11

It's quite simply a matter of etiquette. He is a guest in your home; it is NOT his place to comment on the condition of your "soul" or anything else. If he starts one of these tirades, tell him quite simply that "It appears this isn't going to work. You and your wife need to pack your things and leave. Now."

Since the woman is the friend that you care most about you can take her aside and say that you love her dearly but that her husband's comments are inappropriate and more than you can stand. Then help her to pack her things to leave and suggest to her that perhaps sometime she can visit you without her rude husband.