what is the funniest joke you can think of right now?

Answer 1

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 2

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, " I am the wife of the former US President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president." So she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the president of the United States of America. I have great responsibility being the leader of a super-power nation and I am the cleverest president in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Catholic! I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said, "it's okay, there is a parachute left for you. The
America's cleverest president has taken my schoolbag."

Answer 3

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 4

A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Goodbye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too."
Do not trust all little Old Ladies

Answer 5

there is a blonde, a brunett, and a red head. they are hiking a long a trail and come up on this guy who is a regualar there and he says to them if u go to the magic mountain and jump off of it and while you are in the air , you say what ever u want or want to be it will instantly come true.
so they go to the magic mountain and the brunett say , well i will try it so she jumps off and yells BIRD!!! and poof she becomes a bird,
so the red head says if it worked for her it will work for me so she jumps off and in the air yells CAT!!! and poof she becomes a cat and runs down,
so the blonde says if it worked for them it will work for me , so she starts running and right before she jumps and trips on a rock and falls over the side and yells S H I T!!! and poof , she hits the mountain and splats all over the side of it.

Answer 6

I have a good one:

There was these two muffins that got put in a oven. One said to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here" the other said "AAAAAHHHH a talking muffin"

Guess you had to be there.

Answer 7

ur face looks pretty thats a joke right?

Answer 8

oops...i just asked this question..but i didnt know u did too. sorry


anyway, so this blonde goes to a store and asks the cashier, "can i buy that tv over there" and he says "no sorry we dont sell to blondes" the next day she dies her hair brown and goes to the cashier and says "hi, can i buy that tv over there?" and he says, "no, we dont sell to natural blondes" and she goes "but how do u kno im blonde" and he goes "because thats not a tv, its a microwave"

Answer 9

Why dont Lions eat clowns?
They taste funny!!

Answer 10

Uper dave you stole that from me! Urrgh!