who is telling the truth???

Question

Ok, here's another scenario... By the time kids are 3, they know how to hide, and lie... Am I supposed to punnish them for the lie or for the actions they lied about?? Or both? What do you think?? What about when they will point fingers at each other and none will admit they are the culprit... i usually figure it out, but what do you think? I know it's more than one question, but you're soo good!
Please, no rude remarks...

Answer 1

When they point to each other, punish both. When (if) you figure out the true culprit, punish that one again for lying. They should be punished (how harshly depends on the issue, but never abusively) for both the misdeed and the cover up.

Answer 2

Sometimes, telling lies is proper thing to do.Avoiding telling truths that cause pain and do no particular good is incompassionate and inhumane.
You and your children sound intelligent to me.
So may I suggest a ploy that should be done, only occasionally, & for lies whose consequences are not serious.
State that you are perlexed , shake your head , think and look like you are thinking and then announce that you cannot figure out which of the two committed the infraction. Then proceed to punish them both. The punishment should not be serious, Capital punishment IS too draconain. Nor should the penalty be too long lasting. It should be of the type that is quickly forgotten. But they will not forget and may very alter their behaviour.
Good luck.
Dan the Answers-Man.

Answer 3

form personal experience, young children will lie and point fingers at other alot of the time you should punish them in my opinion for both at the same time let them know they are being punished for what they did but that the punishment will be worse because they lied about it. As for pointing the finger, if ouy can figure out who did it then great. But if you can't then, threaten to punish them both with something they really love going in the bin and they will both most likely cry, only one of them will be worse than the other because they are innocent. give it a try. i hope this helps.

Answer 4

Being a parent is no easy task, if they lied because they made a bad action I would punish them for the lies first, this way they will learn to be honest, at a latter time when they tell the truth but still made a bad action then you punsih them for the bad action. Reason for this is that "bad actions" are not always equally bad but lies are always equally bad, it is an educational process but again it's just a personal suggestion. Regarding pointing fingers at each other I would normally punsih them both, this will teach them about team work.

Answer 5

At the age of 3 they just naturally lie to avoid punishment. I punish the actions they lie about but not the lie. As they get older and start to understand, I have set up two words that has always worked for me. After they have given their story, I ask them if the promise they have told the truth. If they say say yes, I say a promise is a promise and they agree. If they are lying to me they will fess up at that time. I have taught all of my children about promises by ALWAYS without fail, following through on every promise I have ever made to them.

Answer 6

Well when I was younger the punishment was worse if we ran and hid. We got the punishment for the deed and for the flee. As far as the finger pointing game, that started and finished quickly because we both did the finger point blaming it on the other we both got the punishment. And if we fought because the other was lying, the winner got pusinshed because the loser had already lost. (It really sucked being the oldest)

Answer 7

kids will be kids and make mistakes.... but they should know better than to lie about it. I would punish more for lying than the actual act. Not Me is a ghost that lives in every house.... surely if your child did not do it... not me did. Your right.. you will eventually figure it out, but make the punishments less harsh if your child tells you. But don't just assume your kids knows that... lay out the rules right away. Say your child breaks something but you don' t know who did it... tell them A. you already know who did it, B. the punisment will be this, UNLESS you fess up.. then the punishment will be this. Kids learn pretty fast to avoid as much punishment at possible.

Answer 8

first of all remember the kid is 3. punish for the act not the lie. kids that age dont get lies. my 8 year old didnt understand a lie until he was 5. then u punish for the lie. when they point fingers punish them all. go with ur gut. mom always does best

Answer 9

When they point to each other, punish both. When (if) you figure out the true culprit, punish them again for lying. They should be punished (how harshly depends on the issue, but never abusively) for both the misdeed and the cover up.

Answer 10

This is the perfect age to teach them correct principles. Most of the things they do wrong are not that big of a deal and a lot of the time it happens from accidents, You should punish them when they lie to you every time!! But in the case of when they come up to you and admit their fault you should go easy on them and tell them that you are going easy on them for admiting they were wrong or if it was a pure accident like a broken glass tell them thank you for leting you know and prase them for the honesty. That is something that a child will never forget and makes it a lot easyer for them to admit other things also. Set down clear rules about right and wrong and controal you temper so that you don't per say spank them when you should have just made them spend 15 minuits in their room. Also look for that opertunity to praise them when they do come to you. I have done both before. I have sent them to their room after praiseing them for telling me the truth, after telling them it would have been a spanking if they had not told me. I also sent both to their rooms one for not telling me something happened and the other for telling on his brother when he shouldnt have on a very little thing ( this is a very touchy thing to do and requires just the right timing for I also stressed that when it was of importance to tell on the other one to keep their brother from geting in a lot of trouble like smoking and drinking) But for something very small it was great because they wouldnt just run to mom and dad to try to get the other one in trouble.